For the month of October, we are answering the challenge John Goldwater, pastor of Christ Community Church in Grenada, MS, laid out — the #DailyWisdomChallenge. Each day, we are going to read through a chapter of Proverbs corresponding to the day of the month.
This fits with what we have studied in Colossians, specifically Colossians 3:1-2, namely that we should seek “the things that are above, where Christ is” and set our minds like a thermostat “on things that are above, not on things that are on earth”. Imagine what a month meditating on God’s Word daily can do for us.
Won’t you join us on this #DailyWisdomChallenge and set your minds on Christ?
Outside of God saving me, the single greatest blessing in my life is God allowing me to be married to Candice. It does not take much thought or thinking through our relationship over the last twenty-three years to confirm that she is definitely my “good thing” and an example of God’s grace and “favor” in my life. And none who know or care for me would disagree.
But Proverbs 18:22 is not just about me and Candice. It, like so many other proverbs, finds its meaning not only in its own words but in contrast to others. As we looked at when discussing the “forbidden woman” v. the wife of one’s youth in Proverb 5, there is a contrast between the life that God prescribes and the paths that forge on their own. In the coming chapters of Proverbs (21:19 and 25:24), there is a contrast between wives who seek to be something other than a good thing or godly favor but to drive their husbands to be better off living “in a desert land” (Proverbs 21:19) or on “a corner of the housetop than in a house” (Proverbs 25:24).
Proverbs 18:22 represents living according to God’s wisdom in contrast to the anti-wisdom of the temptations of the forbidden woman or the plight of a quarrelsome marriage. God has a specific design for marriage and, as He Himself invented marriage, His design works best.
God’s design for marriage began when He remarked in the Garden of Eden that it was “not good” that Adam “should be alone” and decided to “make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). God performed the first surgery and the first marriage in quick succession. He created Eve from Adam’s rib and joined them together as man and wife. Their union was to be the example for those marriages moving forward — in intimacy as well as how it was set apart (Genesis 2:23-25).
Many try and abuse God’s design for marriage by citing the term “helper” (Genesis 2:18) and the call to submission in Ephesians 5:22, but those picture something different for marriage — something better. You see, God did not create marriage for a man’s benefit but also for women.
While it is “favor from the Lord” for man to find a wife, it is not a curse for the wife. The husband is to love and care for his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Marriage is to be a picture of the gospel (Ephesians 5:32).
To find God’s purpose for your life is a good thing. If it is singleness, that is a good and godly pursuit. If it is marriage, that is a good and godly pursuit. But both should be sought as God prescribes.
Marriage works best the way God intended with husbands caring for and loving their wives and wives caring for and loving their husbands. When I think specifically of how God has blessed me and shown favor to me in my wife, I think of the rib He used to make Eve (Genesis 2:21). God did not just design marriage; He also designed the human body. He made the rib cage to protect the most vital human organs like the heart and lungs. My wife is small, but she is fiercely protective of those she loves. She is protective of me even when I think I do not need protection. She looks to care for me even when I think I am the only one doing the caring and providing.
She has also taught me what it is to be a “helper” in the Genesis 2:18 sense. Everything that I do is enhanced because God has put her in my life. He has changed and grown me immensely over the years by His indwelling Spirit, and He has given me a desire to change, grown, and be better for the wife He has given me.
If you are reading this and married, take time and thank God for the spouse He has given you. Then, talk to your spouse and tell them you are thankful for them. Know that God has a plan for your marriage as surely as He has a plan for you (Ephesians 2:10), and see to it that you represent God’s favor to your spouse rather than husband-ing or wife-ing in such a way that they are headed for the desert or the roof! As Martin Luther said centuries ago, “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of marriage. Thank you for the way that Your relationship with Your church gives us the perfect example of love and a high standard to live up to — a standard worth striving for. Thank you for Candice and make me a man worth being married to!
For the month of October, we are answering the challenge John Goldwater, pastor of Christ Community Church in Grenada, MS, laid out — the #DailyWisdomChallenge. Each day, we are going to read through a chapter of Proverbs corresponding to the day of the month.
This fits with what we have studied in Colossians, specifically Colossians 3:1-2, namely that we should seek “the things that are above, where Christ is” and set our minds like a thermostat “on things that are above, not on things that are on earth”. Imagine what a month meditating on God’s Word daily can do for us.
Won’t you join us on this #DailyWisdomChallenge and set your minds on Christ?
Today’s verse immediately brings a quote by fictional character Dwight Shrute. In an episode of The Office, Dwight was responding to the the faux documentary crew asking what the best advice his boss, Michael Scott, had ever given him. Here’s his response:
“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”
While that is quippy and meant to be funny, it fits well with Proverbs 12:1.
I had to read this verse twice, which led me to choose this for the 12th installation in the #DailyWisdomChallenge. After having the above quote come to mind, I asked myself who in their right mind “loves discipline”? Well, this is why we are seeking wisdom from God in this challenge – to get in the right mind and thereby set our minds on things that are above rather than on the things of this world and the false or anti-wisdom that comes with it (Colossians 3:2).
My views on discipline have changed drastically over the years. As a kid, I hated it. I genuinely hated everything about getting in trouble. The older I got, the more the discipline and correction changed. The things that did not embed in me through quick punishment required longer punishment. There were lengthy conversations and explanations of why right was right and the dangers of the wrong. When I thought I knew better (and was “stupid” by hating my parents’ “reproof”), the discipline hurt all the more as I got to see my parents disappointed in me, knowing that I was supposed to know better.
As I got older and began working with kids – whether it be at church or my time spent tutoring at the Reedy Acres campus of the Baptist Children’s Village, my views on discipline changed. There were times that “reproof” needed to happen, and I found myself on the side of doling out discipline. All my thoughts of wanting to try my parents’ side of discipline quickly evaporated as I learned that it was not at all enjoyable to work and repeat “reproof” often enough for it to have the opportunity to sink in.
Now, I have kids of my own and classrooms full of kiddos at work. Discipline is part of it. It is a responsibility. It is not to be taken lightly. But it is necessary as it is how we learn.
Who in their right mind “loves discipline”, then? Well, the man or woman who has received discipline and grown from it. This, of course, fits with the parental and teacherly discipline I spoke of above, but it fits even better when we look at the grace and love our heavenly Father shows us when He bears with us and disciplines us. Read that again: the discipline of the Father is a gift of grace borne out of His love for us.
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.”
It is easier to love discipline when you know what it is to be loved by the Father. It is easier to love the tough-love He gives from time to time when we realize that in so doing He is “treating [us] as sons” (Hebrews 12:7).
If you are struggling with this, you are not alone. But, if you’ll forgive one more fictional character quote, Forrest Gump’s mother spoke true when she taught him, “Stupid is as stupid does.” In the case of Proverbs 12:1, stupid is hating reproof and learning nothing. God graciously offers the opportunity to repent and learn from Him.
May we learn to love His discipline more than we desire to do what we want to do!
May we learn that it comes from His love and lean into His discipline rather than kicking against it!
For the month of October, we are answering the challenge John Goldwater, pastor of Christ Community Church in Grenada, MS, laid out — the #DailyWisdomChallenge. Each day, we are going to read through a chapter of Proverbs corresponding to the day of the month.
This fits with what we have studied in Colossians, specifically Colossians 3:1-2, namely that we should seek “the things that are above, where Christ is” and set our minds like a thermostat “on things that are above, not on things that are on earth”. Imagine what a month meditating on God’s Word daily can do for us.
Won’t you join us on this #DailyWisdomChallenge and set your minds on Christ?
Today’s passage, like yesterday’s, gives us two contrasting groups. In Proverbs 9:8, we looked at the scoffers and the wise. Today, we have a comparison of the righteous and the wicked.
We need to make an important distinction here so that I can make sure we are on the same page: “none is righteous, no not one” (Psalm 14:3, 53:3; Romans 3:10). Any discussion of the righteous and the wicked needs the understanding — almost like a disclaimer — that none of us are righteous outside of “faith in Christ”, “the righteousness from God that depends on faith” (Philippians 3:9).
Sometimes we get sideways on this and talk about righteous as if we are inherently good. The Bible makes it clear that all of us are sinners (Romans 3:23). The sin that plagues our lives cannot be blamed solely on outside forces, either; our temptations often come from within when we are “lured and enticed by [our] own desire” (James 1:14). So, any appeal of an us v. them argument on this puts our “us” on the side of the wicked — and makes it an us v. HIM (Jesus Christ the Righteous — 1 John 2:1)!
The only way we can be made righteous is to trust in Jesus. I love the clarity of 2 Corinthians 5:21 on this subject. We’ll break it down phrase by phrase to help us get it (or as I tell my school kiddos, to pick up what I’m laying down).
For our sake. Jesus offers salvation because we need it. We are sinners, as we have seen above, and He is the only Savior. Sometimes we are offended when confronted with this truth, but it is good news — the God who stands holy and righteous offers an opportunity to be saved by grace through faith in His Son Jesus rather than having to receive His wrath reserved for sin.
He (God the Father) made Him (Jesus) to be sin who knew no sin. We deserve the wrath of God because He is the righteous and perfect Creator, and we have gone against His standard. This is not a popular view point. But, here’s the good news: Jesus becoming sin for us means that He willingly took the wrath of God for those He saves! Jesus, the only sinless One — God’s righteous standard in human flesh, pays the sin debt of those who trust in Him by grace through faith by the price of His own blood (Colossians 2:14; 1 Peter 1:18-19, 2:24).
So that in Him (Jesus) we might become the righteousness of God. The only way for us — sinners or “wicked” “evildoers” as Proverbs 10:27-29 puts it — to be righteous before God is to have Jesus’s righteous covering our sin. 2 Corinthians 5:21 shows us a glimpse of this great exchange between Jesus and those He saves where He takes their sin and exchanges it for His righteousness. 1 John 2:1-2 gives the picture a little clearer: Jesus Christ the righteous is our advocate and stands before God as our atoning sacrifice, His blood paying for our sin and covering us with His righteousness.
That’s good news! It’s tough and raw and infinitely unfair, but it is a picture of God’s love for His people in Jesus. It’s a picture of grace. It’s a picture of mercy. It’s a picture of Proverbs 10:27-29.
Biblical wisdom is knowing that we can do nothing to prolong our life and being well-aquainted with the reality of the wages of our sin being death (Romans 6:23). The hope of those who fear the LORD is Jesus, and from Him and the life He gives there is joy (Proverbs 10:28); any expectation other than what we can have in Jesus perishes when we do.
And, don’t miss this, Jesus came to seek and save the lost — to give His life as a ransom for the wicked, for people like me who confess Him as LORD and believe in Him. That’s good news for me and all who put their faith in Him. That news represents the “stronghold” I have in Him — not that I am “blameless” but that He is, but that news represents “destruction to evildoers” who do not put their faith in Him (Proverbs 10:29).
What about you? Where do you stand in the great exchange? Has Jesus taken your sin and counted you blameless, or are you banking on your own righteousness?
17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. —
22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. 4:1Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.[1]
📖 Revelation 3:7–13We’re back!After a few months off, The King is Coming returns in 2026 with one of the most encouraging letters in Revelation — Jesus’s message to the faithful church in Philadelphia. In a world filled with opposition and weakness, Jesus opens a door no one can shut.In this episode, Keith Harris and Jamie Harrison explore:✔️ Jesus’s identity as the Holy One, the True One — God Himself✔️ What the “key of David” means and how Jesus alone opens and shuts✔️ The debated phrase “I will keep you from the hour of trial” — and how to read it biblically✔️ Why “little power” doesn’t disqualify faithfulness✔️ How being kept through the trial glorifies Christ’s strength in us✔️ What it means to be a pillar in God’s presence foreverThis church had no rebuke — only encouragement. And Jesus’s call still stands today: “Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown.” (Revelation 3:11, ESV)🔗 Missed earlier episodes in the series? You can click here to catch up and listen from the beginning.✍️ If you’d like to see a written version of this podcast, complete with footnotes and cross-references, you can find it here.
Today’s Bible study has put me through the wringer. As I have said many times over, these Bible studies are not just for you but that they work on me first. It hit me as I type this final version that there is a great irony to how it has taken me so long to finish this Bible study. This Bible study is on what it means to be adorned with Christ in our vocations, and one of my vocations being an English teacher, one would think that the irony of me being unable to find the time to serve the Lord in writing this Bible study is because I have been working much more than usual. More than realizing the irony, though, is me sitting here and pondering whether my hard work of the last month or so has been “as for the Lord” or “for men” (Colossians 3:23).
For me, work has always been an easy idol. I like to work. I thrive when I get to multitask (with a reasonable number of tasks). I like the feeling of accomplishment I get when a task is complete, or a project goes well. Both of my vocations stem from God’s calling on my life and involve helping people in various capacities. Getting to see people receive needed help, whether it be the lightbulb clicking on when a student learns something or helping someone seek Christ, gives me an indescribable feeling. But, if I am not careful, I will take on more and more and more until I lose myself in the work.
I need accountability in this area, and I have people who are committed to helping me strike a correct balance in this area of my life so that I do not overindulge. I know I am a workaholic. I must be careful because I am a teetotaler and will add and add and add until I burn myself out. I know this because I have been there, having burned out and swapped careers just before my 30th birthday. It is part of the reason that I believe the Lord has allowed me to slowly ease back into pastoral ministry. I had to divorce my identity from my work and let Him define me in light of who He has made, is making, and will make me to be.
So, to answer my earlier question – and unfortunately confess to y’all, dear Sojourners: I have leaned more toward working for man than God as of late. Knowing that is, as they say, half the battle. Now, is the time for repentance.
Lest you think I am exaggerating because work is a good thing invented by God, too much of it or having it out of the balance of rest that exhibits faith in Jesus’s strength over my own reveals that I am not bearing fruit accordingly, namely the self-control that comes from being in Christ (Galatians 5:22-23). Look at a few passages of Scripture that illustrate this:
Proverb 25:16 – If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit.
1 Corinthians 9:25 – Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.
Titus 2:11-12 – For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.
We will revisit these later on as we seek to apply our passage today, but it should be clear here that too much of a good thing can be bad – and yes, God invented work, so it is (or at least it was meant to be) good when done according to His Word and will.
In Genesis 2:15, we see that God put Adam into “the garden of Eden to work it and keep it”. This is not so much a mandate as it is a role or calling for Adam, and as his descendants, we have roles and callings as well. Initially, this work was easy for Adam as he was tasked with naming the animals in Eden and later his wife. God gave Adam the task of being “fruitful” and multiplying in order that the earth would be filled in Genesis 1:28, which the Bible describes as a part of God blessing them. These tasks were good and enjoyable – and probably much less of the toil we associate with work because, at the time, there was no sin in the world, no death (Genesis 1:31, Romans 5:12). Once the Fall occurred when Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 3:6), death and sin began to reign in the earth (Romans 5:17), and God cursed the ground, the very same ground that Adam had been tasked to keep and work (Genesis 3:17-19). Adam’s sin took that good and fruitful work and turned it to toil with the addition of pain and thorns and thistles and sweat and dust (Genesis 3:17-19). Work went from something that was good and revolved around the role God assigned and calling He gave as a blessing and introduced the toil and fruitless labor that we know all too well.
This is why we need Colossians 3:22-4:1. Because of the Fall, the image of God in us has been marred by sin, but God, when He saves us, begins conforming us to the image of His Son Jesus rather than the world around us (Romans 8:29, 12:1-2). We saw this earlier in Colossians 3:9-10 when Paul told the Colossian church (and us) that we are to be putting “off the old self with its practices” and putting “on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator”. We need Colossians 3:22-4:1 to see what we need to take off and what we need to put on. We need to understand that God has placed us in our vocations as His ambassadors and missionaries (2 Corinthians 5:19-20) and ask the Lord to let our work be adorned with Christ rather than conformed to this fallen world.
Bondservants, Obey in Everything Those Who are Your Earthly Masters (vv. 3:22-25)
On the surface, this passage is about slaves obeying their masters. That is what it is about.
What This Does NOT Mean
As we covered in our study of Philemon, the God of the Bible is not associated with the slavery that comes to mind from colonial America or present-day human trafficking. You can look back at the Appendices from that Bible study and see God’s stance on the treatment of slaves and on the ungodly horrors visited on people in chattel slavery and around the world today; He is against such things. When the Holy Spirit breathed this out and had Paul to write it down, He was not condoning chattel slavery or human trafficking – plain and simple (see Appendix III — Bible Passages Condemning Practices Related to Chattel Slavery and Modern-Day Slavery/Human Trafficking). So, operating under the presupposition that what Paul is talking about here is not that[2], let’s dive in and see what He does mean here.
What Does It Mean, Then?
The word translated “bondservant” in the ESV is the Greek word doulos. It can – and probably should – be simply translated as slave, but there is a connotation[3] in the present that is wrapped up in the sinful atrocities of chattel slavery as well as in the continued sinful treatment of African Americans in the century plus following the Civil War in the Deep South. Bondservant does not really have a connotation and allows for the denotation, or definition, of what God has for us here. That word doulos refered to a slave, “one who is in a permanent relation of servitude to another” where their will is “altogether consumed in the will of the other”, and it references one being “bound to serve”.[4] It is closer to the modern understanding of an indentured servant than it is to modern understanding of slavery.
It would be a cop-out and over-generalization to say that this is all that there was, especially throughout the Roman empire and around the world at that time. There were wicked masters, and when they were bad, they were terrible. Some slaves were severely mistreated. But there were those who served out their debt and returned to regular life. There were even some who would seek to remain in the service of their master after their debt was paid. Roman slavery was associated with vocation. These bondservants could be teachers or builders or whatever skills they had that could generate enough revenue to pay off their debt. In some cases, it was quite like work releases for people who are incarcerated today – or even in the way trustees are given responsibility or management oversight.
The emphasis here is less about the way they were taught and more about how those who found themselves bonded to a master and have confessed Jesus as Lord will serve. The emphasis is on their service rather than the quality of their master. Their service is to be marked by obedience “in everything” (Colossians 3:22). Their service is to flow out of sincere hearts and their fear of the Lord rather than “by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers” (Colossians 3:22). Whatever was required of them was a call to “work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” because they were “serving the Lord Christ” and receiving the only reward that mattered from Him (Colossians 3:23-24). Those who are saved have submitted themselves to Jesus as Lord – as kurios, the Greek word for the master of a doulos. And this is what their heavenly Lord and Master required of them – what He requires of us.
Now, did this mean that they refused to be paid or for their debt to be worked off? Absolutely not. What it meant was, if they were in Christ, the fruit borne by their lives reflected an inheritance greater than any paycheck and that their redemption by the blood of Jesus meant more than being redeemed from earthly servitude. This also does not mean that they are above punishment if they did wrong because, with God, “there is no partiality” and “the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done” (Colossians 3:25). This would also cover if an earthly master required a sinful act from their slave or bondservant. Just like we looked at in the relationships of fathers to children and husbands to wives, being in service to God above all means that we refuse to bow to the call of the world and sin even and especially if it means punishment or persecution (1 Peter 2:20-23). To clarify, this would not include the way a wicked master would punish but is meant to help us understand that, even for saved people, there are consequences for sin.
To be adorned in Christ as one works and serves means that they are serving the Lord above all, no matter their vocation. It means that Jesus has a plan for your vocation that goes beyond what you can see (Ephesians 2:10)! It means your quality of work matters, not because of your earthly masters or bosses but because you belong to Jesus and He has set you apart to shine His “marvelous light” in your workplace and find opportunity to “proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness” (1 Peter 2:9).
Masters, Treat Your Bondservants Justly and Fairly (v. 4:1)
Since slavery was an integrated part of the Roman Empire and the Colossian church clearly had masters in her members, like Philemon, it is important for God to set a standard for how those masters would operate. This extends to those in both vocational authority and other areas of oversight or administration.
What Does It Mean, Then, to Be a Master Who is Just and Fair?
The way that Paul wrote it here is pretty clear who is in charge: “knowing you also have a Master in heaven” (Colossians 4:1). Earthly masters who are saved imitate their heavenly Master, their Lord Jesus Christ. I do not want to oversimplify this, but it means you are going to be different than most masters, the vast majority of bosses.
In the case of Roman slavery, it could have been a call for them to lose revenue by not having debts paid back because their Lord was calling them to free slaves – completely contrary to the culture around them (see Appendix II — Bible Passages Discussing the Release of Slaves). In the case of vocational authority today – being a boss or having oversight/authority over people, it means that you are called to bear fruit of God’s Spirit being in you. Earthly leaders and bosses like to lead with intimidation, but Jesus was a servant leader. He did not hesitate to humble Himself and wash His disciples feet. Saved bosses can lead by serving and humility as well. Earthly bosses can threaten and demoralize, but Jesus lifts up the lowly. Saved bosses can do the same.
Now, does this mean that a boss or leader who is saved is a pushover and allows their employees to run rough-shod over them? Absolutely not! Jesus holds people accountable for their actions. Jesus is a Master who has expectations for His people, but Jesus is consistent with who He is as He disciplines and corrects. So, if you are an earthly boss and Jesus is Lord, you do not conform to the ways of this world for material or vocational gain; no, you allow who His Spirit has transformed and is transforming you into – how He is conforming you back to the image of God in Christ – set the course for how you deal with people.
In a sense, those bosses who are saved and adorned in Christ function in regard to Christ as Paul describes a bondservant to serve. Saved bosses have a “sincerity of heart” stemming from their fear of the Lord (Colossians 3:22). They “work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord [they] will receive the inheritance as [their] reward (Colossians 3:23). They serve the “Lord Christ” (Colossians 3:24).
The remainder of Colossians 4:1 highlights what that looks like as Paul tells the masters that they should treat their bondservants “justly and fairly”. This is where the tough part of leadership comes in. If an employee has committed some sort of infraction that necessitates firing them, a godly master fires them. If there is a process that is to be followed to do so, the process is followed. This would prohibit office politics and replace it with a yearning to be just and fair as Jesus has been just and fair with them. In some cases, where grace and mercy can be shown, this calls for that, too – all in balance with how the Word teaches us and the Spirit of God leads, and all contrary to the way that this fallen world operates.
Wrapping Up
So, what does that look like? If you are like me, you look at some of this and it seems like this is a good way to get taken advantage of or to sign up to get a lot of extra junk to put up with at work. It is important to remember that our work is not our identity. Jesus gives us an identity in Him by redeeming us from the power of sin and death, rescuing us from the wrath of God, and eternally adopting us into His family. And we get to be adorned with Him and bear His family name into whatever vocation He has for us.
Here are some principles to consider:
Do everything for the Lord (v. 3:17). Whatever your job and whatever your task, work as if Jesus Himself had tasked you with it. This gives work meaning and views it in light of the Kingdom of God and not in whatever earthly kingdom you are employed at.
Work with sincerity and integrity (v. 3:22). Employees should not work merely for status and approval but should consistently act with the understanding that their ultimate accountability is to God.
Work heartily and diligently (v. 3:23). Workers should put their best effort into their work, recognizing that this is part of the calling of their Lord Jesus Christ. This calls for a strong work ethic – not a calling for workaholism – because the work is as to the Lord not men.
Focus on eternal rewards rather than temporal ones (v. 3:24). Earthly compensation matters. It does. It is a big reason why we have and need jobs. The Bible is not against us earning wages and even says if you do not work, you do not eat. But there is more to working than a paycheck. There is an inheritance from the Father for those who serve Him. This mindset helps maintain perspective, especially if your work environment is challenging or worse. If you work for a paycheck or merely for retirement, there are limits to your service. If you work for the One who has made a place for you in heaven (and based on His merit, not yours), your perspective changes.
Be accountable for what you do wrong (v. 3:25). Remember, God is a just God and is pro-discipline. An earmark of being in Christ is repentance. One of the best ways you can exhibit what Jesus has done in you through His salvation is by repenting when you have messed up. This is not a popular viewpoint, but even if your wrongdoing costs you your job, your standing with Jesus is based on His righteousness not your own — which is good news: God is pro-grace!
If you have authority over employees, treat them justly and fairly(v. 4:1). Treat employees as Jesus treats you. It really is that simple. No amount of earthly success or status is worth conforming to the world when Jesus has transformed you into something better.
Realize you are accountable to God (v. 4:1). This is true for believers whether you are a boss or an employee. If you have confessed Jesus as Lord, He is your master. He calls the shots. What He says goes. And serving Him even at the expense of losing a job is worth it. He will still be here when all of this passes away.
Do not let work become an idol (Proverb 25:16, 1 Corinthians 9:25, Titus 2:11-12). It is easy to get into the mindset that because you work as unto the Lord that you cannot quit or stop. The God who ordained work also ordained rest. He did not bring us from death to life in Him for our lives to be wrapped up in our vocations. Jesus gives us wisdom and self-control. While He may call some people to a single vocation and calling for their whole lives, He does not do that with everyone. Follow Him and be willing to change or quit if that is what He has for you. At the same token, be willing to dig in where you are if that is what He has for you.
This has not been my favorite Bible study. I have had to take a step back and realize that I am susceptible to getting my work life out of whack, even when I thought I had it all worked out. The good news is Jesus is the God who saves and a Lord who is active in the lives of His servants. No matter how many times I mess up, I can approach His throne and receive grace and mercy, which He has in an inexhaustible supply.
What about you? I do not mean to meddle, but I exhort you, dear Sojourner, to look at your life and your work and test it according to the Word of God. How can you apply this and shine more brightly His marvelous light rather than working in such a way that you hide the light of Christ.
Know this: I am praying for you and asking God to work in and through your work.
This week has been long and tough, and I am in need of time spent with my brothers and sisters in Christ in worship of Him — “our great God and Savior” (Titus 2:13).
While this week has been long and tough, that does not necessarily mean that it has been bad. This ain’t that kind of post. No, it’s been long and tough, ultimately, in a good way. I am as filled with joy as I am tired.
I have gotten to be back with my school kiddos from last semester, and it has been a joy to me. They have grown and matured over the summer and teaching them again fills my heart with joy (and makes my knees hurt, too). A part of me has switched back on that has been idle for a few months. A part of my heart has been opened, almost as if it were a room that has been vacant has been opened and its curtains pulled back to let in the light and the dust covers pulled free. My classroom is open for business.
I am relearning the balance of vocation and ministry as well as getting back into the swing of being husband and father through all of it. This is not complaining. Balance is tough, but it is good. To paraphrase Popeye, I am who I am, and who I am is just me — rough edges as well as smooth. It is a joy to balance because all of these areas are part of who God called me to be in Him, and as I am His, so I am in all of it.
In the midst of the joy, there has also been sorrowful joy. My friend and mentor — one who helped me learn how to rightly divide the Word of God and who instilled in me what it is to faithful break down the Word of God in preaching — passed away. Bro. David Miller was unique and special to many. He was a mentor and friend to hundreds of preachers over the years and wanted no fame or glory for it as he was a self-proclaimed Country Preacher At-Large. He fought battles for orthodox Christian belief and biblical teaching in Southern Baptist life that were of vital importance but found time to invest in young preachers (in experience not necessarily age) with study resources and education, of which I am the least. He gave example in his preaching of teaching the deep things of the Word with clarity and making sure that we take the time to break them down that they can be understood. His life was a testimony to the grace of Jesus.
I came across an interview he did with Todd Friel and Wretched Radio, and I would like to share with you the way he explained salvation (I am providing the biblical cross-references because I don’t want you to take Bro. David’s word for it but to see what God’s Word says):
“We have no ability of our own to repent and believe (John 6:44, Ephesians 2:8-9). However, we can avail ourselves — if you are not a Christian in this room today you can avail yourself of the means of grace (Isaiah 55:6-7, Acts 17:30). You can bend your knee, and you can bow your heart (Philippians 2:10-11). And you can call upon the Lord (Romans 10:13). And you can beseech the the Lord for mercy, confess your sins, and trust Him to do a work of regeneration in your heart (Ezekiel 36:26-27, Titus 3:5, 1 John 1:9) — to give you, to infuse into you an inclination to turn from sin with godly sorrow and to believe the the gospel (2 Corinthians 7:10, Mark 1:15).
“That’s salvation.
“That gets you started.
“That’s salvation in the past tense (2 Timothy 1:9). This repenting and believing results in justification (Galatians 2:16). The Lord will clear you of guilt, declare you to be innocent, and give to you the imputed righteousness of Jesus Christ (Romans 5:1, 2 Corinthians 5:21). He’ll take the practical — not the intrinsic — the practical righteousness of Christ, His having fulfilled the Law as a substitute for sinners (Matthew 5:17, Romans 8:3-4), God will write that down on your account (Philippians 3:9). This will provide positional sanctification for you (1 Corinthians 1:30, Hebrews 10:10). When God looks upon you thereafter, He’ll see you as being in Christ, in possession in the righteousness of Christ (1 Corinthians 5:17, Philippians 3:9). You’ll never have any righteousness of your own; your righteousness will come from Christ (Isaiah 61:10).”
What a beautiful picture of the gospel of Jesus Christ — that Jesus paid the price for our sins and made a way for us to be saved by grace through faith in Him! Jesus saves, not based on any ability to earn it, and that is good news as all we are able to earn is death and condemnation because of our sin.
This hits different knowing that the “pasts tense salvation” Bro. David talked about is present tense for him now. His faith has been made sight. He spent decades confined to a wheel chair in a body that failed him gradually since he was sixteen, but now he has a new body. More than that, the surpassing worth of knowing Christ is paid in full as he knelt before his Savior face-to-face.
Tomorrow at Christ Community, Lord willing, we are going to gather in worship of our resurrected King, Jesus Christ. We are going to rejoice in the truth of His gospel — that He died for our sins, was buried, and rose again just as the Bible shows us (1 Corinthians 15:3-4). We are going to read His Word and hear His Word preached. We are going to lift our voices and sing to and about Him.
Jesus is the source of my joy, and I hope He is the source of yours as well. There is no pain He can not salve and no sinner He cannot save.
If you are not a Christian and reading this, seek Him while He may be found. Call upon Him to save you. Confess Him as Lord, believe He has risen, and He will save you. He promised He would for all who do so, and He who promised is faithful.
If you are a Christian and reading this, seek Him still. There is coming a day when all of the sad things of this earth will come untrue. The last tears will be dried by His nail-scarred hand, and there will be no more sorrow or mourning or pain because everything will be made new and we will dwell with our God forevermore.
Either way, YOU are INVITED to gather with us tomorrow and sing, read, and hear the gospel. YOU are INVITED to gather in worship of the King of kings. YOU are INVITED to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.
1And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience — 3among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, 5even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ — by grace you have been saved — 6and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
8For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepares beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Sunday’s coming, and we GET to gather with our faith family and worship our resurrected King, “our great God and Savior Jesus Christ” (Titus 2:14)!
I had started writing this but something changed. It sounded, well, less than genuine. The truth is I am not always excited or upbeat (crazy, I know). This extends to looking forward to gatherings, even gatherings with my faith family. I imagine you identify with that idea, that sometimes you are weary or anxious or depressed. Sometimes we grieve. Sometimes we just feel melancholy and gloomy.
But that melancholy does not extinguish the JOY that comes from being in Christ. The good news of the gospel is still good when the bad news or tough realities of the world set in. You see, all things bad have a gospel expiration date because one day, as the Jesus Storybook Bible puts it, all the sad things will come untrue.
Isn’t that a beautiful thought? The sad and bad of this world will simply end when we find ourselves dwelling with God as His people and Him with us as our God (Revelation 21:3)! The last tear on our face will be wiped by His nail-scarred hand, and mourning, crying, pain, and death will be done with forever and ever (Revelation 21:4)!
For now, though, tears exist. Mourning exists. Pain exists. Death exists. But GOD….
There are two passages on my heart that hold promises that carry me when that melancholy sets in.
I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
This is part of Jesus’s last conversation with His disciples on the night before He was crucified. He told them that the time He had prophesied — the time of His death — was at hand. He promised them the Holy Spirit would come and comfort them. He told them of the tribulation and hatred the world would bring upon His people because of Him. He told them one of them would betray Him and that another would deny Him. He washed their feet, ate with them, and prayed for them. In the context of John 16:33, He had just told them that all of the sorrow that was coming in the next twenty-four hours and for the rest of their lives (and ours until He returns) would turn to joy.
Jesus promises two things in John 16:33. The first promise is tribulation. As the disciples noted in John 16:29, Jesus was no longer using any “figurative speech” with them but telling them straight up: “you will have tribulation”. No one wants that, but that terror comes untrue in the second promise: those who are His can “have peace” — they can “take heart” because He has already “overcome the world”!
Trouble comes. Trials come. Tribulation is a reality for His people. But Jesus had already overcome the world before He even died on the cross! Now, He has died and has risen, just as He promised.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Jesus told His disciples to “take heart” on the night before His crucifixion. Here, we can see our resurrected Lord tell us to “take heart” in a different way. He has ascended and is on His throne, but He has not left us alone — lo, He is with us always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20)!
When troubles come and trials abound, even when melancholy clouds our joy, we can approach Jesus’s throne with the confidence that He has the grace we need — timely grace — and will mercifully help us in our time of need. We can run to Him with the same confidence of a little child scared in the night can approach their parents’ bed. No other king or leader is that approachable, but our King is!
So, even though my excitement wanes, my joy does not. My mood and my circumstances change, but my God does not (James 1:17)! The realities of the bad make the good news that much better.
We just have to remember in the midst of that that He who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23)!
That’s who we will be singing about and to this Sunday at Christ Community. We will have the opportunity to read from His Word and have His Word preached to us. We will GET to gather and hear our brothers and sisters lift their voices — not all happy but joyful nonetheless — and be lifted up and reminded of that glorious day when we stand before our King — our “great God and Savior Jesus Christ”, our “blessed hope” who “gave Himself for us to redeem us” (Titus 2:13-14)!.
And if we need to approach the throne of grace in prayer, there is time for that, too, and brothers or sisters who will approach with you because you are not alone!
15For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, 16I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, 17that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him, 18having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which He has called you, what are the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, 19and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His great might 20that He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, 21far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. 22And He put all things under His feet and gave Him as head over all things to the church, 23which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.
1O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth! You have set Your glory above the heavens. 2Out of the mouth of babies and infants, You have established strength because of Your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger.
3When I look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have set in place, 4what is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?
5Yet You have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. 6You have given him dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet, 7all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, 8the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas.
9O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth!
Sunday’s coming, and I look forward, Lord willing, to gathering with my faith family at Christ Community Church!
I guess you could say that I have been feeling a bit nostalgic lately, but throughout the day today, I have found one particular memory has been vividly on my mind. Maybe it is because the last Refresh & Restore Bible study was on the relationship between parents and children or just thinking about the way that my kids seem to be growing years and inches before my very eyes. Either way, I want to share this memory with you today.
In 2015, I quit ministry for what I thought was going to be forever, or at least a very long time. I had burned out. I needed a break. I needed to remember the love I had for Jesus — no, more than that, the love He had for me — and “repent, and do the works [I] did at first” (Revelation 2:4-5). It was hard though for many reasons, not the least of which was having to learn a new vocation and living with my parents until we could finish work on our house.
This particular memory was on a Wednesday. Xander was not quite a year old and was sick. Candice was exhausted from work and working on our house, too — honestly more so than me. And Keri would not drop the subject of whether or not we were going to church that night.
I had informed Candice and Keri as we left the school in Winona that we would not be returning for church that night because “Daddy needs a break”. With Xander being sick, one of us would have to stay with him, and we could just use the time for family. I can remember Candice silently taking it all in but watching me carefully and a little concerned.
Keri asked again if we were going, almost as if she didn’t understand what I thought I had communicated more than clearly enough. I told her to be quiet, which honestly is hard for five-year-olds under the best of circumstances. We picked Xander up from my in-laws and were headed home when Keri picked up the conversation again, this time getting louder. So I got louder as a response. “Daddy. Needs. A break.” I enunciated this time. And what Keri did next hit me like a ton of bricks.
Keri raised her voice: “You’re my daddy! You’re supposed to want to take me to church!”
I was embarrassed.
I was angry.
I looked over toward Candice to get some support — support for a break from the woman who had been caring for our sick baby before and after work — from the one who would be at my parents’ caring for him if I were to take Keri back to Winona for church (the one needing a break herself). She offered no support and only asked me what I was planning on doing now.
I sped to my parents’ house to drop off Candi and Xander, sped to Winona and walked Keri into the children’s class — late of all things. I crept around the building to slink in the front, hoping not to draw attention to myself and still more than a little bit angry and embarrassed by Keri’s question. As I opened the double doors to enter the worship center, Dr. Tim Mims was praying — more than that was praying for me (even though he didn’t know it at the time).
“Lord, I feel it in my spirit that you want me to pray for someone who just wants to give up — to quit. Lord, help this person….”
He continued to pray. I eased the door shut and crawled quietly up the stairs to the balcony, weeping. I spent the rest of that prayer meeting lying on my face and listening to the Word of God preached, listening to my pastor continuing to pray for myself and others. And all because my baby girl had not been willing to let me be anything other than what I had taught her daddies were supposed to be.
I had let church become a job — become an event. Now, gathering with my faith family was to regain the right place in my life. It would be where I GOT to go instead of something I had to do. The church did not need me, but rather, I needed it — and we need Jesus together!
There’s a verse that I mention in the “Songs for Sunday” posts often that is appropriate here:
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:23-25)
As Sunday approaches, I ask you to consider your plans — whether you plan to gather with your faith family or not. This is not an effort to guilt or convince. This is a pastoral effort to have you consider some things (like I did all those years ago and again today).
What is the confession of your hope? Is it “Jesus is Lord” (Romans 10:9)?
How does it affect your life to know that “He who promised is faithful” — whether or not we are ourselves?
What does it mean to neglect meeting together “as is the habit of some”?
For me, I had lost sight of the confession of my hope and was more worried that the promises I had made to the Lord had fallen by the wayside. I was saying that it was only going to be one little Wednesday night — not even a Sunday, mind you, but honestly, I wanted out and away as much or as often as I could. You see, I was lying because I was blinded to the promises and plan of God — of His faithfulness despite my bout of faithlessness (2 Timothy 2:13).
Maybe you need to be reminded that we gather not to check off some religious box or to get anything out of it. No, we gather to worship Jesus. We gather to remember what He has done and all He has promised. We gather because He is risen! And we get to stir one another up to love and good works as we do.
I doubt I am as convincing as my five-year-old baby girl yelling from the back seat, but the Holy Spirit is closer than that.
Daddies, yes, you are supposed to want to take your babies to church, but more than that you get to. Mommies, yes, it’s the same. But hear me on this: there is grace for those who have faltered and lost sight. There is grace for those who have missed. There is grace.
So, I ask you as you read this — as an effort to stir you up to love and good works rather than mere church attendance — will you gather?
This Sunday at Christ Community Church, we are going to make much of Jesus. We are going to read about Him from His Word. We are going to sing about Him and to Him. John is going to preach to us from His Word — we get to hear from Jesus by the preaching of His Word and the power of His Spirit!
Won’t you gather with us?
Everyone is welcome!
Here are our Scriptures & songs:
Scripture | Lamentations 3:16-24 —
16He has made my teeth grind on gravel, and made me cower in ashes; 17my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; 18so I say, “My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the LORD.
19Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! 20My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. 21But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
22The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; 23they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 24“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.”
Song | Grace Wins — Scripture Inspiration: Romans 3:23, Romans 5:6-8, Romans 5:16-18, Romans 8:1, 1 Timothy 1:13-14, Ephesians 1:6-7, 2 Corinthians 9:8, John 1:16, Ephesians 2:7, Ezekiel 36:26, 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12, Luke 15:11-32, John 4, Matthew 9:27-31, John 9, Luke 16:19-31
Song | His Mercy is More — Scripture Inspiration: Lamentations 3:22-23, James 2:13, Romans 5:20, Hebrews 8:12, Isaiah 40:28, Hebrews 4:13, 1 John 3:20, Micah 7:18-19, Exodus 34:6, Psalm 145:8-9, 1 Timothy 1:15, Luke 14:21, 2 Corinthians 8:9, Colossians 2:13-14, Psalm 107:9, Ephesians 3:20, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Galatians 2:20-21
Scripture | Romans 6:4-8 —
4We were buried therefore with Him in baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. 5For if we have been united with Him in a death like His, we shall certainly be united with Him in a resurrection like His. 6We know that our old self was crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. 7For one who has died has been set free from sin. 8Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him.
Song | Death Was Arrested — Scripture Inspiration: Ephesians 2:1-5, Romans 5:6-8, Revelation 20:14, Revelation 21:1-5, Galatians 2:19-20, 1 Peter 3:18, Romans 5:1-8, Romans 6:15-23, Colossians 2:13-14, John 19:28-30, 1 Corinthians 15:1-8, Revelation 1:18, Luke 15:11-32
Song | Ain’t No Grave — Scripture Inspiration: John 8:34, Romans 6:6, 1 John 4:8, 1 Chronicles 28:20, 1 Corinthians 15:20-26, 1 Corinthians 15:50-56, John 8:44, 1 Peter 5:8, Revelation 12:9, Genesis 3:15, Ephesians 6:11-18, Isaiah 25:8, Hosea 13:14, 2 Timothy 1:10, Hebrews 2:14, Revelation 5:5, 1 Corinthians 15:3-8
17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. — 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.[1]
📖 Revelation 3:7–13We’re back!After a few months off, The King is Coming returns in 2026 with one of the most encouraging letters in Revelation — Jesus’s message to the faithful church in Philadelphia. In a world filled with opposition and weakness, Jesus opens a door no one can shut.In this episode, Keith Harris and Jamie Harrison explore:✔️ Jesus’s identity as the Holy One, the True One — God Himself✔️ What the “key of David” means and how Jesus alone opens and shuts✔️ The debated phrase “I will keep you from the hour of trial” — and how to read it biblically✔️ Why “little power” doesn’t disqualify faithfulness✔️ How being kept through the trial glorifies Christ’s strength in us✔️ What it means to be a pillar in God’s presence foreverThis church had no rebuke — only encouragement. And Jesus’s call still stands today: “Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown.” (Revelation 3:11, ESV)🔗 Missed earlier episodes in the series? You can click here to catch up and listen from the beginning.✍️ If you’d like to see a written version of this podcast, complete with footnotes and cross-references, you can find it here.
I have enjoyed hearing from many of you regarding how our last Bible study was helpful. When Jesus saves us by making us alive in Him (Ephesians 2:4-5), it really does impact our real, everyday lives (Ephesians 2:10), but it is helpful for us to realize that we are not the only ones struggling in our walk with Christ and trying to make it work. When Paul wrote to the Colossians (and us) that “whatever [we] do, in word or deed” – “everything” – is to be done “in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him”, he really meant everything, working from inside our homes and families outside to our vocations. Today, we are going to let God meddle in our homes once more.
Before we dive into today’s text, we need to be reminded that children are a blessing. This is not to say that we do not know this, but raising children is hard. From the terrible twos to the terrible teens, there are times when we forget the blessing children are and get caught up in the rigors of child rearing. This reminder also extends beyond parents. It does not matter if you are a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or someone God has put in a position to get to have a Christlike impact on a child; children are a blessing from the Lord – the Bible tells us so:
Genesis 33:5 (when Jacob returns and encounters his brother Esau for the first time after plundering his birthright) – And when Esau lifted up his eyes and saw the women and children, he said, “Who are these with you?” Jacob said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.”
Deuteronomy 7:13a – [The Lord] will love you, bless you, and multiply you. He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of the ground….
Psalm 127:3-5 – Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Psalm 128:3-4 – Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.
Proverbs 17:6 – Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.
Matthew 18:1-5 – At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to Him a child, He put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the sea.
Gracious gifts from God, blessings, arrows, olive shoots, crowns, and examples are how the Bible describes children so that we are reminded when sin sets in, so that we remember God’s design and not be left up to our own.
Now, just as Paul did not speak only to the parents in the Colossian church but also to the children, so we, despite the fact that I have fewer readers who are children, will not be silent in reminding the blessing of godly parents to children. They need to know that the parents holding them accountable and trying to help them grow up are a blessing, too:
Exodus 20:12 – “Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Deuteronomy 5:16 – “’Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Proverbs 1:8-9 – Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
Proverbs 6:20-22 – My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.
Honor, graceful garlands, pendants, leaders, guardians, and companions are how the Bible describes godly parents and their instruction so that we are reminded when our own sin sets in and parental discipline becomes necessary that God’s design to grow us up in Him is better than getting our own way.
We have our work cut out for us today, Sojourners, and Lord willing, He will meddle in our families for His glory and our good by the power of His Spirit as we study His Word today. Let’s dive in and see what the Lord has for us and for our families today.
Children, Obey Your Parents in Everything, For This Pleases the Lord (v. 20)
This may come as a shock to you, but Paul is giving this command because children, who were believers or being raised in a way that pointed them to Christ, were being disobedient to their parents. I know that is shocking. It must have been widespread (like it is today), too, because Paul even listed “disobedient to…parents” as a sign of godlessness and difficulty in the last days in 2 Timothy 3:2. If you catch a bit of sarcasm here, it is because disobedient children – even those who have been saved – is not a shocking but normal, or at least worldly. That’s what kids, even the best ones, do. And, furthermore, no one had to teach them how to disobey because sinfulness is part of human nature after the Fall (Romans 5:12). Sin being part of our nature, though, does not excuse it. If we are saved – specifically here, if our children are saved or we are pointing them to Jesus as Savior, disobedience is not excused.
What This Does NOT Mean
Paul here (and in Ephesians 6:1) gives the command for children to “obey” their parents. The word translated “obey” here seems simply enough – for one to do what they are told, but the full understanding is, of course to listen and follow instructions but expands to include yielding “to a superior command or force (without necessarily being willing)”.[2] Like in the biblical design for marriage, there is supposed to be submission to the authority God has in place, in this case parents having authority over their children. But there are limits to that authority.
Just as we did in the last Bible study, we need to clarify here that the limit is within the boundaries of whether the commands of the parents conflict with the command of the Lord. The authority and command of God the Father trumps earthly fathers. So, if a parent (hopefully in rare occasions) gives instruction that contradicts the Bible, the child is to, respectfully, obey the Father “in a spirit of love, not of defiance, since the law of Christ is the law of love”.[3] Being a child of God is to influence being a child of one’s parent, meaning when our earthly parents go astray in their instruction and point us in a way other than toward Christ the conduct and example of the child can help the parent see the error in their ways and be granted repentance (2 Timothy 2:25-26).
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
The additional content given to the church at Ephesus was not new content but much older, from the Ten Commandments. This fifth commandment is instructional and instrumental as it is the first commandment dealing with earthly or the “horizontal” relationships.[4] Paul instructs them, also, that this commandment was the first “with a promise” – that “it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land”. Under OT Law, there were instances of disobedience like hitting or cursing a parent that could warrant a death penalty (Exodus 21:15, 17), so living long in the land meant coloring inside the lines of acceptable behavior. For things to “go well” meant to make sure that one’s behavior in the familial context was acting within the rules laid out. Thankfully, under the grace we see in Christ Jesus, He paid the death penalty for us and offers us mercy (Colossians 2:14-15, Titus 3:4-5). But what does that look like?
First, as with all sin, Jesus paying the price for our sin, redeeming us, by no means gives us license to continue in sin (Romans 6:1-4). That’s how sin works in children, though; where there once was a tough punishment (OT Law), leniency can sometimes give way to license. The old saying, give an inch and they will take a mile, comes to mind. This ain’t that. This is God giving guidance for children to receive the discipleship that belongs in the biblical parent-child relationship. Part of parents fulfilling the Great Commission in their homes and teaching all that Jesus has commanded (Matthew 28:20) is the child receiving the information, yielding to parental authority (without necessarily being willing), and following in the prescribed way.
This obedience is right and pleases the Lord. It is also very difficult because they are children. I remember working on something with my father in his shop with Xander there “helping” us. Xander was around four years old, so there was a certain amount of correction involved. After one particularly frustrating exchange, Daddy (well, clearly Poppy in this instance) was frustrated, too. I remember being surprised that he wasn’t necessarily on my side or at least more in solidarity, but what he said stuck with me: “I am fifty[whatever] years old, and I don’t like being corrected any more now than I did when I was his age.” Xander did not like the instruction because he did not understand that there were things there that could hurt him. Poppy understood my instruction as well as Xander’s frustration. We have a good example here because clearly Poppy takes instruction from his Father better at fifty-something or now sixty-something than he did then despite any dislike or frustration. Why? Children grow up. And, as we will see in the next section, growing up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4) bears fruit when children are grown.
Fathers, Do Not Provoke Your Children, Lest They Become Discouraged (v. 21)
Continuing as we have, and considering the volume of what can and needs to be said here, let’s go on and look to Ephesians 6:4 to help us:
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
That last phrase concerning bringing “them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (or “nurture and admonition” in some translations) gets to the heart of the command.
What This Does NOT Mean
While this command is straightforward, it will do us good here as we have wives, husbands, and children, to discuss what the command for fathers (and mothers) not to “provoke” their children to anger does not mean. Plain and simple, this does not mean children should not be disciplined. The Bible is clear that part of good, and especially godly parenting, means giving appropriate instruction (Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Proverbs 1:8-9, 6:20-23; 22:6) and discipline (Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15; Hebrews 12:11). It should also go without saying that the prescribed biblical discipline is not condoning abuse. For example, one can look at passages like Exodus 21:20-21 that teach it to be unlawful for one to beat a slave or servant as guidance for what is also unacceptable for parents. Disciplining is one thing, but cruelty is another. God disciplines His children (Proverbs 3:11-12, Hebrews 12:5-13) but clearly treats His children better than the best earthly fathers (Luke 11:11-13).
What Does it Mean to Parent in a Way That Brings Children Up in the Discipline and Instruction of the Lord While Not Provoking to Anger and Causing Discouragement?
As I said above, the goal of Paul’s instruction to the Colossians, Ephesians, and us today is that children be brought up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). The key to seeing this is in the words translated “provoke”.
English is less precise sometimes than the original languages, so taking a brief look can give us correct context. The word translated “provoke” in Colossians 3:21 can have more than one meaning. Like many words we use today, the context tells us whether it is meant positively or negatively. The positive meaning of that word would be “to incite or stimulate to action” as used in 2 Corinthians 9:2 to describe their zeal being stirred up, but the negative meaning “to excite, anger, provoke, irritate”.[5] Taken with the word translated as “provoke” in Ephesians 6:4 (“implying movement toward a certain point” like “anger” or “resentment”[6]) gives us the full picture: the goal of biblical parenting is raising them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord rather than raising them to resent their parents and the Lord. The Amplified Bible rightly sees such provoking as breaking their spirits, leaving them feeling inferior and frustrated. The words translated “provoke” give us two pictures of parenting, one godly and the other worldly – one righteous and the other sinful. One points children to Christ as Savior and is built out of saved parents’ own relationship with Christ. The other seeks to beat down the child’s resolve and determination to get desired behaviors and is built out of fear and control. One provokes and encourages children turning to Christ and having hope in Him, but the other beats children down, breaking theirs spirits and leaving them hopeless. How can we make sure we are in one and not the other?
Parenting is hard. What is not hard is making children angry when they are corrected. This is seen from when babies are first able to communicate. A simple “no” can bring tears and tantrums (Proverbs 22:15). Does this mean that children can never be made angry? Of course, not. Just as we get angry when corrected, so do our children. We want to commit sin (Romans 7:15-20). If trespasses are when we deviate from God’s path (Isaiah 53:6) and sin is missing the bullseye of His righteous standard (Romans 3:23), too often our sin is purposefully veering off course or shooting our shot at what we want rather than where He has us aimed (James 1:14-15). It is no different with our children. Paul is clarifying that our intent is not to provoke or incite them to anger but to stir them up to “love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24) just as we are with our faith family because we are “bound together ‘in the Lord’ as well as by ties of natural kinship”.[7]
Wrapping Up
So, what does that look like? Here’s a simple list for a difficult task. This list is not exhaustive and, as there are many books written on the subject, this next brief section will not suffice to elaborate on all aspects but to help you see what God has for us and to help us course-correct if change is needed. I will include a footnote here[8] to point you to some good resources if you would like to look further, but this list will point you to Christ and have His Spirit help you on your journey:
Teach your children the gospel. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, Moses lays out some principals to Israelite parents in the wilderness before they pass over the Jordan into the promised land. It is known as the shema, meaning “hear” or “listen” for the purpose of doing and carrying out. So, listen up, Sojourners, and see what the Lord would have us hear and do. First, Moses told them to love God above all else and with all they had: heart, soul, and strength. Second, he tells them that the words he was commanding they should be constantly on their hearts. Finally, he told them that the words should also be on their lips and taught “diligently to [their] children” in all of life, while they were sitting at home and walking and lying down and getting up – that they should be at the forefront of their thoughts as clearly as signs on their hands or written on their doorposts. For Israel, this was to tell their children and children’s children what God had done for them in rescuing them from slavery in Egypt and sustaining them throughout the wilderness despite their sinfulness. You see, the home is where God designed this to be best taught. For us today, it is teaching our children that God put on flesh and dwelt among us to save us from our sin by dying on the cross in our place, raising on the third day, and telling us that all who confess Him as Lord and believe in Him shall be saved. Moses told Israel that this should be done as often as children ask or are able to talk about it (Deuteronomy 6:20). Godly parenting means making sure this comes up and comes up often – talking on it when you sit at home or ride in the car or play catch or ____.
Teach your children how God designed life to work best. I find it easier to talk to my kids about behavior than I do the gospel, which is sad. This part is acknowledging and encouraging you that teaching your kids how to behave is in the job description (Proverbs 22:6). And as we saw in the previous point, home is where God designed for this aspect of discipleship to be taught. Children need to be taught right and wrong because our sin nature pulls us toward wrong like magnetic north to a compass needle (Romans 7:18-19). Your children will need specific guidance that only you can give (Proverbs 1:8-9). You are not alone in this, however; God has given grandparents, aunts, uncles, pastors, church family, and that village that folks are always saying it takes to raise a child (Titus 2:1-4). Just make sure that the Bible sets the course here and not just in the gospel (2 Timothy 3:16-17). The world is vying for a place in your children’s minds and lives, make sure the village or church family you are planted in has the Bible in the place of authority and not as a coaster for worldly living and teaching (Colossians 2:8).
Discipline your children as our Father does us.Hebrews 12:6 (quoting Proverbs 3:12) is the key here as “the Lord disciplines the one he loves”. Love is the key to godly discipline. This is the dividing line between the provoking to anger and the discouragement that can be produced in Colossians 3:21. The difference between disciplining out of love is keeping what the child needs and what God has called you to as a parent at the forefront, rather than letting onlookers and expectations set the pace. Children need to be corrected. Wrong behavior can have all manner of consequences, and the consequences of sin are often much more far-reaching and dangerous than we understand, much less children. But unloving discipline has more in common with abuse than with discipleship. People often quote Proverbs 22:6 as part of this: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it”. This is true and good to know, but part of that means that discipline keeps them in the right lane, in the Way – there are a lot of detours and off-ramps before “when he is old” arrives.
Show your children grace and mercy as your Father has for you. I said it above, but it bears saying again: children are going to mess up. Sometimes it will be small. Others it will be big. Teaching school has taught me a lot about this. I have learned not to say that my children will never ____. That often precedes them nevering like they have never nevered before! No, my children are capable of whatever sin they desire, just as I am capable of whatever sin I desire. There are consequences to my sin (Galatians 6:7), and I am responsible for doling out and enforcing consequences for my children (Proverbs 19:18). Despite the consequences of my sin, however, I have received a lot of grace and mercy from my Father (Ephesians 2:4-5). He does not lessen the punishment, but He also does not lessen His love for me. There is nothing I can do that can separate me from His love (Romans 8:38-39). Children need to know that. I have never been more ashamed than in times when I have confessed sin to my children so that they can learn from my mistakes rather than trying to make the mistakes on their own, but the beauty of the gospel is that I also teach them the good news of a great and powerful Savior who loves me despite my sin and gives me strength so that I am no longer a slave to sin (Romans 6:6). There are times to levy heavy discipline. There are times to withhold (mercy) and give grace instead (James 2:13). This is not religion but relationship – and based off the relationship we have with our Father (Galatians 4:4-7).
Make disciples. The goal of parenting is not to get them in the best colleges or set them up in trades or careers that can help them be set up better financially than you were or your parents before you. The goal is not to get them grown and out of the house. No, the goal is to see them in Christ (3 John 4). This is not a class, nor is it religion. It is a relationship (John 15:4-5).
That list is a good start, but we need to note a very important distinction here: you cannot and do not save your child. You point them to Christ (John 14:6). You teach them His gospel (Mark 16:15). You teach them His ways (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). You instruct them in how He designed life to work best and discipline them when they stray (Proverbs 16:25). But saving them is God’s job (John 6:44). Don’t fret though. He’s good at it! He delights in saving people (1 Timothy 2:3-4)! Having said that, though, this is not something than can be faked. If you are not walking with Christ, your kids already know that. At the same time, kiddos reading this need to know that even if you can fool your parents, the truth will become clear. There is simply no substitute for God saving us because, unless He saves us, we are still dead in our trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1-2), and there’s really no way to fake being alive. It’s the genuine article or a corpse.
So, if you find yourself reading this, Sojourner, whether you are a child or a parent, know that there is opportunity for salvation. The same God who gives these directives and instruction on how being a child or parent works best desires to bring people into His family. Those who confess Him as Lord and believe in their hearts that God raised Him from the dead, He saves by grace through faith. He adopts them into His family and loves them as His own because they are His own. If this is you, I would love to talk with you and pray with you.
If you are reading this and are saved, I would love to talk with you and pray with you, too. Parenting is not easy, but God is good, and His grace and strength is enough.
May He grant us the grace and strength to walk with Him in our families – to have our homes adorned with Christ. Hallelujah, and amen!
I can remember times in my life when what I thought and felt about Sundays varied. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to share a bit of my testimony.
As a kid, I can remember being excited about church coming up and a lazy afternoon afterward. I loved Sunday School where we would get equal amounts of Bible story time and puzzles, coloring, crafts, or playdough. The singing was a big hit for me — go figure. I remember getting excited when the preacher got excited. I remember the excitement of being home in the afternoon with no work to do or chores to accomplish — just time together playing or relaxing, just togetherness. And once I got saved, all of that just multiplied more and more because I had a gratitude and awe to Jesus that wasn’t there before.
As a teenager and young adult things shifted a bit as I started to serve and lead more, especially after being called into ministry. There were times when the joy I felt conflicted with my work ethic and desire to accomplish something or check off boxes. Sunday hit different with a job description, and when ministry became my bread-winning vocation, it shifted to something sad. In my foolishness and latent adolescent zealousness, my weeks culminated in Sundays meaning all of the work Monday-Saturday produced the worship gathering on Sunday morning and night. I found myself mired in a spiral of fearful work rather than worship in the fear of God. I feared committees and potential of lost pay rather and lost the joy of gathering with my faith family I had when I was a kid.
Then…I quit.
I found myself burned out and empty. I had long since put my hope in my work ethic and abilities and lost sight of what I was doing — WHO I was serving. Thankfully, I had a teaching license and our house had not sold when we had moved away, so I tucked tail, moved back home, and tried to start anew.
That first Sunday back was one of the most terrifying and convicting of my life. I had never been a visitor to a church other than coming in view of a call or visiting preacher. Now, I found myself in a new church where nearly everyone there knew I had been a pastor and had questions as to why I was coming to sit a pew and fade into the background. Through the whispers and the questions, I wanted to sink through the floor and disappear. I had hoped that some of the feelings from my childhood would return — that being able to be more of a part of the congregation would awaken something in me, but that is not how things work. The idolatry of work over worship took years to accomplish and would not be undone by an awkward day in a pew.
Eventually, something happened in me. The desire for God that I felt in the beginning began to return. I can’t tell you how many mornings I spent in the Word (at least a year and a half) hoping for some spark or feeling to return. I can’t tell you the number of prayers prayed where I found myself hoping He would listen to a shameful quitter, or worse one who had made a vocation of serving Him all about what I could do or accomplish. Just like it was in my marriage, laziness in a relationship would not be undone by a few sincere acts or gestures. BUT GOD.
In the seeking and searching, He was there. He had never moved. It was me who had moved. I think David described it better than I can in Psalm 40:1-3:
1I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry. 2He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. 3He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.
I was mired down in the swamp of my sinful idolatry and foolishness and could not get out under my own strength. My legs had pumped and climbed and were spent in exhaustion. The solidity of the shore was too far away, BUT GOD reached out, plucked me from the clay, and moved me all the way to the solid foundation of the ROCK, Jesus. Just like one would a toddler who had fallen, He held me and made sure I had my feet under me and on Him. The voice I could barely lift to Him in prayer began to croak out a new song, voice crackling out of unuse but the melody, the “song of praise”, began in my heart and eventually made it out of my lips.
Sunday regained its significance. It is the day we celebrate Jesus’s resurrection. He died for our sins, yes, but more than that, He rose! He is in the business of making dead things live. He is in the business of protecting His children, His sheep, from danger, even if that danger is their own stupidity and wandering. Those He has made alive will never die.
I look forward to Sunday because when “I waited patiently for the LORD”, He answered me and “heard my cry”.
I look forward to Sunday because when I was through with His work, He was not through with me.
I look forward to Sunday because it is not about my feelings but about His faithfulness (even though God has given me more joy now than in worshiping Him and serving Him than ever before).
I look forward to Sunday not because of vocation or religious devotion. I look forward to Sunday because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross and the magnificent truth that He walked out of the grave I deserve.
What about you?
Is Sunday a religious experience for you? Does it tick some kind of box on your righteous-living or to-do list? Has it been a while since you have gathered? Are you afraid that He knows your heart and might somehow abandon you?
HE hasn’t moved.
This Sunday at Christ Community, we will point you to the One who hears your cry and can pluck you out of whatever is miring you — whether it be the grave or the swampy ground of your sin. The songs will point to the finished work of Jesus on the cross and the vacancy in His borrowed tomb all the way to when His people will dwell with Him in heaven. The preaching will point you to Jesus by His Spirit and through His Word.
Maybe today is a good day to quit the exhausting clamber out of of the mire and reach your hands out to the One who has already reached out for you.
Peter, one whose testimony includes betraying and abandoning Jesus, said it well: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7). His mighty hand is reached out to you. Grab hold of Him because He cares for you.
Sunday is coming.
I look forward to gathering with my brothers and sisters — all of which have a testimony of hopelessness and helplessness BUT GOD.
22“Men of Israel, hear these words: Jesus of Nazareth, a man attested to you by God with mighty works and wonders and signs that God did through him in your midst, as you yourselves know— 23this Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men. 24God raised him up, loosing the pangs of death, because it was not possible for him to be held by it.
13And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, 14by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.
11Then I looked, and I heard around the throne and the living creatures and the elders the voice of many angels, numbering myriads of myriads and thousands of thousands, 12saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!” 13And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!”
17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.[1]
Colossians 3:17-19
Greetings Sojourners!
We are moving into the last leg of our journey through Colossians, and I am praying that, just as these Bible studies have been impacting my own life as I have studied, written, and taught, they will have an impact on your life as well. The impact on my own life has largely come from meditating on the question I asked you to consider in last week’s Bible study: what if all of what Paul told the Colossian church about setting our minds on Christ (Colossians 3:1-4), taking off sin (Colossians 3:5-11), and putting on Christ (Colossians 3:12-17) mattered for real life?
I told you that it is meant to affect every aspect of our lives. Now, we allow God’s Spirit through His Word to meddle in our lives – specifically today, in our marriages.
Before I begin in earnest, I want to clarify something: marriage is not for everyone (check out 1 Corinthians 7 as an example). The primary relationship concern for those who are in Christ is to the Lord. To use the language Paul used there, unmarried men and women are “anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord” and “be holy in body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:32, 34), but married men and women are “anxious about worldly things”, how to please their spouse (1 Corinthians 7:33-34). Marriage is a good thing that should “be held in honor among all” (Hebrews 13:4), but Paul’s word to the unmarried in 1 Corinthians 7:38 is that “he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better” in regard to devotion to Christ.
This does a lot to illustrate how whatever we do, “everything [is to be done] in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Colossians 3:17). For centuries and even to an extent today, the culture has placed a stigma on remaining unmarried – more harshly on women than on men. The standard is not whether or not we have achieved some level of earthly relationship but on whether or not we have a relationship with Christ, so much so that Paul’s second letter to the church at Corinth told them to “regard no one according to the flesh” because those who are “in Christ” are “a new creation” after being reconciled to God by grace through faith in Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:15-19).
So, if you are reading this and God has called you to, for either the time being or for life, singleness, rejoice in your calling, take what can be applied to your life and relationships and leave what cannot. Everything in Colossians 3:1-17 is to be applied for all believers in all of life. Furthermore, everything in Colossians 3:1-17 matters in the everyday lives of believers in all of life. It needs to be said as we are about to enter today’s Bible study that this is more than just knowledge – it is to be applied and learned. This means that for some – really most of us – there will be some repentance involved. John MacArthur summed it up well in his preface to the commentary on our passage today:
“Genuine Christianity consists of both doctrine and holy living. The New Testament reminds us in many places that an intellectual knowledge of our faith must be accompanied by a life that proves faith’s reality. And such a life can only be lived by vital contact with God in Christ. It is difficult to see how Christianity can have any positive effect on society if it cannot transform its own homes.”[2]
If God has really saved us, change will occur – not us changing for Him to save us but Him changing us. There is no way that Him moving sinners from dead in sin to alive in Him (Ephesians 2:1-5, 4:17-24) does not produce change – produce fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).
So, if you are reading this and are saved by grace through faith in Jesus alone and married, take heed as we see what God has for you. This Bible study will not be exhaustive, meaning that it cannot cover the scope of every aspect of marriage. The goal will be to take the specific teaching Paul gave to the Colossian church and supplement it from the longer teaching Paul gave the Ephesian church so that we have a picture of what it is like in real, everyday marriage to be a husband or wife adorned in Christ.
Wives, Submit to Your Husbands, as is Fitting in the Lord (v. 18)
That one sentence encompasses Paul’s message to the wives in the Colossian congregation, but we need to put in some work to understand how to apply these teachings in our real lives.
What This Does NOT Mean
Simply put: the Scriptural command for wives to “submit” to their husbands does not mean abuse. This is not a call to subservience. Those who have used this to demean or put down their wives or to control them have sinned, plain and simple. Paul told the church at Ephesus that marriage was a picture of the gospel, Christ being the husband and the Church being His bride (Ephesians 5:32), so a marriage that is characterized by a husband demeaning his wife and putting her in the position of servitude does not reflect the husband of the Church who “came not to be served but to serve, and to give His live as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).
This submission is not absolute or all-encompassing nor is it obedience. Obedience in the context of Colossians 3-4 is relegated to children and servants, not wives.[3] For a Christian wife, her obedience and submission is to Christ above her husband. If a husband’s desires deviate from God’s Word, the wife should not submit. It also does not mean that women are inferior. Both males and females are created in God’s “own image” (Genesis 1:27). The New Testament reiterates it and clarifies that in Christ, “there is no male and female” (Galatians 3:28). Now, this is not to say that there are not differences, but those differences do not make one better and the other inferior.
What Does Submit Mean, Then?
The word translated “submit” here means “to place in order”, specifically in the context “a willing personal subjection”.[4] Let us look at a few passages in the New Testament where this word is used to help us get a picture of what the Holy Spirit through Paul was talking about. The best place in the context would be Ephesians 5:21 where Paul tells the church at Ephesus (and thereby us today) that part of doing everything out of thanksgiving to and in the name of Jesus (Ephesians 5:20, Colossians 3:17) means that members of the church are supposed to be “submittingto one another out of reverence to Christ”. The submission for a wife to her husband is to be similar in nature to how members of the Church are to submit. This can be further illustrated in the life of Jesus. In Luke 2:51 after Mary and Joseph had lost Jesus and found Him teaching as a child in the temple, it came time for the family to return home to Nazareth, and Jesus was “submissive” to His parents. Jesus is God, but He submitted to His earthly parents when He “became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14). It can also be illustrated by the way Paul told the church at Rome that they were to be “subject” and therefore live in “subjection” to the authority of the government (Romans 13:1, 5). Obviously, their “citizenship…in heaven” (Philippians 3:20) trumped their Roman citizenry and the law of God superseded the laws of Rome, but in the instances where they did not, God called them to be submissive to the power He had allowed to be in authority.
Looking at that context and the definition, it is clear that Christian wives are to willingly subject themselves to the authority of their husbands. God designed the home and family to work a certain way and this submission is to God’s way as opposed to what the world presents as options. Women, knowing full well that they are equal to their husbands (if not surpassing them, as is the case with my wife), willfully submit themselves to God’s design, trusting that He knows best. The husband is to be the spiritual leader of the home with the wife backing him up. The wife is to help her husband to lead well, meaning that her strengths complement and strengthen his so that the family survives. You cannot have two sources of authority. Think about the tension that exists between Christians trying to be submissive to God but also the government. When government authority begins to outweigh God’s authority, one’s walk with Christ suffers. God’s authority wins out. When a wife leads or finds herself having to lead because of a sinful husband, the family suffers.
When Paul told the Colossian church that this submission of wife to husband was “fitting in the Lord”, he was acknowledging that God’s ways are best – that God, the Creator and inventor of human beings, knows His design and what works best (and what does not). So, Christian wives, I urge you to sit down with your husband and y’all strategize as to how to implement this in your homes. We joke in my house about how my wife, Candice, got sidetracked during our wedding when we were exchanging vows. Her father, who was officiating, asked her to repeat after him that she would submit to me, but Candice did not hear. Her response had everyone in the congregation rolling with laughter: “Wait. What did you say?” Yet, her patient submission and help are what makes me able to lead our family. She holds me accountable. She withdraws her submission when I try to lead in the wrong direction. She holds me to a higher standard than any human being on earth can or wants to, ensuring that I am the husband and father God calls me to be.
Husbands, Love Your Wives, and Do Not Be Harsh with Them (v. 19)
It should be noted here that there is a role for husbands and standards for them as well. In fact, the call for husbands in Ephesians 5 is substantially longer than the call to wives. Look at Ephesians 5:25-31:
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Whereas it seems as if the world places little to no expectation on the part of husbands other than to work and provide and allows men to be functional boys, only with more expensive toys, God has a higher calling for husbands than has been tolerated. He holds them to the standard of Christ for love, care, and leadership.
What This Does NOT Mean
First, this is not meant to belittle or demean men. There are times like Father’s Day when men who are seldom seen darkening the doors of a worship gathering show up only to be heavily rebuked, chastised, and told just how worthless they are and have been. This is meant, just as we did above with God’s call to wives, to show what it looks like for God’s call to impact the real lives and marriages of husbands who have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus.
Second, we need to revisit something we talked about above when we clarified what a wife’s submission is not. The authority of a husband is not absolute nor is he the master of his wife. Too often throughout history, men have tried to rule over their wives like tyrannical dictators, terrible fathers, or terrifying masters. This ain’t that. The example of husbanding is Jesus. Period. Before we get into what that looks like, if you are a saved husband and lording over your wife, trying to punish her for stepping out of your lines, or commanding them to serve or service you, you need to repent. There is no Christ in that. Paul rightly and plainly told the Colossian husbands not to be “harsh” with their wives. The word translated “harsh” here means “to be harsh, angry” with the connotation of making someone else “sharp” or to “embitter” them. Love does not create bitterness. Harshness has no part in love.
What Does it Mean for Husbands to Love Your Wives?
I think that the Ephesians 5 passage on husbands is especially helpful here as both Colossians 3:18 and Ephesians 5:22-24 are both brief in their calls to wives, the only difference being Ephesians 5 clarifies the comparison between wives and the Church. This is something that needs to be elaborated on because Scripture elaborates on it (and most worldly expectations for husbands have woefully fallen short of for centuries in many cultures). We will take Ephesians 5:25-31 sentence by sentence, and sometimes phrase by phrase to help us understand – and by understanding give opportunity for application and/or repentance for saved husbands.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her….” This love is special and sacrificial. It tells the Story of a King who left His throne and became a lowly peasant that He might redeem His beloved and rescue her from execution. What King would leave His throne to do such, and not only that but to take the place of His beloved in the execution? Husbands are to love their wives in such a way that their own life is of no account to them when it comes to caring for their wife. What is there that a godly husband would not give up for his bride? The answer should be nothing. This is romantic for sure, but more than that, it is a love that is known and demonstrated (John 3:16, Romans 5:8). It communicates counting the other more significant than one’s own self (Philippians 2:5).
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church…that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word….” If a husband’s love were only wrapped up in being willing to die for his wife, it would be an unfortunate thing for sure. Jesus died for His bride but lives again (Revelation 1:18). That illustrates the nature of earthly husbandly love, too – to be characterized by living for his wife rather than willing to show that love in a one-time event. This is a love that sanctifies one’s wife, sets her apart and gives her to the Lord to be saved and cleansed (Ephesians 5:25-27). The love of a husband does not save, but a godly husband, as spiritual leader of his household, consistently and constantly points his family (beginning with his wife) to the Lord that they may find cleansing according to His Word. This means that the Word is present in the marriage relationship, not being the preacher and interpreter but the one who ensures his wife is thriving in her relationship with God as a fellow believer (Ephesians 5:20-21, Colossians 3:16-17).
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church…so that He might present the Church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she may be holy and without blemish [or blameless]….” Building on the last point, this carries it to completion. Marriage vows rightly say, “till death do we part.” This verse longs to see one’s wife with Christ when death parts. This means consistently continuing in the spiritual leadership role of husband “so long as both shall live” (Ephesians 5:28-29). The wife is not a trophy of conquest possessing a mark of long-remembered beauty. No, she is to be set apart and rejoiced in, ensuring that God keep her not only on earth but all the way to heaven when she no longer be her earthly husband’s bride but part of the Bride of Christ forever with Him in heaven (Revelation 19:7-9). This is a love of safeguarding, protecting, and discipling for all the days of one’s marriage (1 Peter 3:7).
“In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves Himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body.” In recent years with the rise of mental illness and the sad effects of the Fall on the human body (especially the mind), this might puzzle some (Romans 8:20-22). People (like the one writing this Bible study) have gone long years without caring for their body (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). People desire to end their lives. We recognize that mental illness exists and that depressing and thoroughly tragic circumstances exist. We should begin to recognize that believers who are husbands who do not love their wives as Christ loves the Church is an aberration as well. Christian husbands should notoriously be more loving and caring when it comes to their wives because Christ has been loving and caring to them (1 John 4:19). A wife is to be cherished and cared for as one’s own body should be cared for (Ephesians 5:28-29). There is no diet version of a godly marriage. There is either healthy or unhealthy (Matthew 7:17-18).
“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’” The marriage relationship is to trump all other earthly relationships. Rightly here, Paul puts the responsibility of the man to leave the home of his adolescence and take his wife to their own home. This relationship is marked by the “one flesh” union produced by physical intimacy. It is a direct quote back to Genesis 2:24 when God Himself performed the first marriage. This is a call for the 1st century church at Ephesus (and Colossae) to return to the design God had for marriage, and it is a call for the 21st century church to do the same (Ephesians 5:32-33, Colossians 3:18-19). Adam and Eve deviated from the plan when they traded God’s plan for their marriage and humankind when Eve ate of the fruit the Serpent offered and Adam stood by without intervening before eating of the fruit himself (Genesis 3:6). The church at Ephesus was marred by the worship of false gods by having relations with cult prostitutes (Acts 19:24-27). The church today must separate from the culture around us where marriage is no longer held in esteem (Hebrews 13:4). And it is the husband, led by the Spirit following the Word of the Lord, who is responsible for correcting the course rather than following the course of this world (Romans 12:2).
Wrapping Up
Ephesians 5:32 says: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.”
This.
Really.
Matters.
It cannot be faked (Romans 12:9). As I said above, there is no diet version of this – only original formula will do.
This is not a time of being shamed or chewed out for our inability to do marriage right (Romans 8:1). No, that is not what it means by referring marriage back to Jesus and His Bride. The Church can do nothing in her own strength but is made perfect in her weakness because Christ’s strength does and accomplishes everything (2 Corinthians 12:9)!
If you are a believer and a husband to a wife or wife to a husband, this is not a call to give up but a call to hit your knees with one another and seek the husband of the Church to grant repentance and grace in your marriage. This will not be an immediate relief or fix but the beginning of some difficult months or years that will lead to Jesus producing the marriage He gave us in His Word. There will be tears of pain and sorrow, but they can lead to tears of joy and celebration, ultimately to be wiped away in heaven when Jesus’s Bride finally makes it to Him.
It is my prayer for those who will read this to desire a godly marriage – not because of some bit of rule-following or obligation, but because it is worth it. As I have written this, I have found myself conferring increasingly with my bride and asking tough questions. These were not questions of how great I am or how good we have it. No, dear Sojourner, these have been questions of how and why she put up with me when I was a terrible husband – questions of how she could still love me despite laziness and foolishness – questions of how she exemplified Christ’s love when her husband did not. You see, I can testify first-hand that God can produce what He shows us of marriage in His Word. This is not to say that Candice and I have arrived because we have not. But we can testify that by the grace of God we survived my stupidity and have seen God move and work and change us over the past 8-9 years. We can testify of God’s grace in granting repentance and producing forgiveness. We can testify that God’s way works best and that the time and love put into changing is worth more than words can express.
Just Keith Harris 