Sunday’s coming, and I look forward, Lord willing, to gathering with my faith family at Christ Community Church!
I guess you could say that I have been feeling a bit nostalgic lately, but throughout the day today, I have found one particular memory has been vividly on my mind. Maybe it is because the last Refresh & Restore Bible study was on the relationship between parents and children or just thinking about the way that my kids seem to be growing years and inches before my very eyes. Either way, I want to share this memory with you today.
In 2015, I quit ministry for what I thought was going to be forever, or at least a very long time. I had burned out. I needed a break. I needed to remember the love I had for Jesus — no, more than that, the love He had for me — and “repent, and do the works [I] did at first” (Revelation 2:4-5). It was hard though for many reasons, not the least of which was having to learn a new vocation and living with my parents until we could finish work on our house.
This particular memory was on a Wednesday. Xander was not quite a year old and was sick. Candice was exhausted from work and working on our house, too — honestly more so than me. And Keri would not drop the subject of whether or not we were going to church that night.
I had informed Candice and Keri as we left the school in Winona that we would not be returning for church that night because “Daddy needs a break”. With Xander being sick, one of us would have to stay with him, and we could just use the time for family. I can remember Candice silently taking it all in but watching me carefully and a little concerned.
Keri asked again if we were going, almost as if she didn’t understand what I thought I had communicated more than clearly enough. I told her to be quiet, which honestly is hard for five-year-olds under the best of circumstances. We picked Xander up from my in-laws and were headed home when Keri picked up the conversation again, this time getting louder. So I got louder as a response. “Daddy. Needs. A break.” I enunciated this time. And what Keri did next hit me like a ton of bricks.
Keri raised her voice: “You’re my daddy! You’re supposed to want to take me to church!”
I was embarrassed.
I was angry.
I looked over toward Candice to get some support — support for a break from the woman who had been caring for our sick baby before and after work — from the one who would be at my parents’ caring for him if I were to take Keri back to Winona for church (the one needing a break herself). She offered no support and only asked me what I was planning on doing now.
I sped to my parents’ house to drop off Candi and Xander, sped to Winona and walked Keri into the children’s class — late of all things. I crept around the building to slink in the front, hoping not to draw attention to myself and still more than a little bit angry and embarrassed by Keri’s question. As I opened the double doors to enter the worship center, Dr. Tim Mims was praying — more than that was praying for me (even though he didn’t know it at the time).
“Lord, I feel it in my spirit that you want me to pray for someone who just wants to give up — to quit. Lord, help this person….”
He continued to pray. I eased the door shut and crawled quietly up the stairs to the balcony, weeping. I spent the rest of that prayer meeting lying on my face and listening to the Word of God preached, listening to my pastor continuing to pray for myself and others. And all because my baby girl had not been willing to let me be anything other than what I had taught her daddies were supposed to be.
I had let church become a job — become an event. Now, gathering with my faith family was to regain the right place in my life. It would be where I GOT to go instead of something I had to do. The church did not need me, but rather, I needed it — and we need Jesus together!
There’s a verse that I mention in the “Songs for Sunday” posts often that is appropriate here:
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:23-25)
As Sunday approaches, I ask you to consider your plans — whether you plan to gather with your faith family or not. This is not an effort to guilt or convince. This is a pastoral effort to have you consider some things (like I did all those years ago and again today).
What is the confession of your hope? Is it “Jesus is Lord” (Romans 10:9)?
How does it affect your life to know that “He who promised is faithful” — whether or not we are ourselves?
What does it mean to neglect meeting together “as is the habit of some”?
For me, I had lost sight of the confession of my hope and was more worried that the promises I had made to the Lord had fallen by the wayside. I was saying that it was only going to be one little Wednesday night — not even a Sunday, mind you, but honestly, I wanted out and away as much or as often as I could. You see, I was lying because I was blinded to the promises and plan of God — of His faithfulness despite my bout of faithlessness (2 Timothy 2:13).
Maybe you need to be reminded that we gather not to check off some religious box or to get anything out of it. No, we gather to worship Jesus. We gather to remember what He has done and all He has promised. We gather because He is risen! And we get to stir one another up to love and good works as we do.
I doubt I am as convincing as my five-year-old baby girl yelling from the back seat, but the Holy Spirit is closer than that.
Daddies, yes, you are supposed to want to take your babies to church, but more than that you get to. Mommies, yes, it’s the same. But hear me on this: there is grace for those who have faltered and lost sight. There is grace for those who have missed. There is grace.
So, I ask you as you read this — as an effort to stir you up to love and good works rather than mere church attendance — will you gather?
This Sunday at Christ Community Church, we are going to make much of Jesus. We are going to read about Him from His Word. We are going to sing about Him and to Him. John is going to preach to us from His Word — we get to hear from Jesus by the preaching of His Word and the power of His Spirit!
Won’t you gather with us?
Everyone is welcome!
Here are our Scriptures & songs:
Scripture | Lamentations 3:16-24 —
16He has made my teeth grind on gravel, and made me cower in ashes; 17my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; 18so I say, “My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the LORD.
19Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! 20My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. 21But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
22The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; 23they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 24“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.”
Song | Grace Wins — Scripture Inspiration: Romans 3:23, Romans 5:6-8, Romans 5:16-18, Romans 8:1, 1 Timothy 1:13-14, Ephesians 1:6-7, 2 Corinthians 9:8, John 1:16, Ephesians 2:7, Ezekiel 36:26, 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12, Luke 15:11-32, John 4, Matthew 9:27-31, John 9, Luke 16:19-31
Song | His Mercy is More — Scripture Inspiration: Lamentations 3:22-23, James 2:13, Romans 5:20, Hebrews 8:12, Isaiah 40:28, Hebrews 4:13, 1 John 3:20, Micah 7:18-19, Exodus 34:6, Psalm 145:8-9, 1 Timothy 1:15, Luke 14:21, 2 Corinthians 8:9, Colossians 2:13-14, Psalm 107:9, Ephesians 3:20, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Galatians 2:20-21
Scripture | Romans 6:4-8 —
4We were buried therefore with Him in baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. 5For if we have been united with Him in a death like His, we shall certainly be united with Him in a resurrection like His. 6We know that our old self was crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. 7For one who has died has been set free from sin. 8Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him.
Song | Death Was Arrested — Scripture Inspiration: Ephesians 2:1-5, Romans 5:6-8, Revelation 20:14, Revelation 21:1-5, Galatians 2:19-20, 1 Peter 3:18, Romans 5:1-8, Romans 6:15-23, Colossians 2:13-14, John 19:28-30, 1 Corinthians 15:1-8, Revelation 1:18, Luke 15:11-32
Song | Ain’t No Grave — Scripture Inspiration: John 8:34, Romans 6:6, 1 John 4:8, 1 Chronicles 28:20, 1 Corinthians 15:20-26, 1 Corinthians 15:50-56, John 8:44, 1 Peter 5:8, Revelation 12:9, Genesis 3:15, Ephesians 6:11-18, Isaiah 25:8, Hosea 13:14, 2 Timothy 1:10, Hebrews 2:14, Revelation 5:5, 1 Corinthians 15:3-8
17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. — 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.[1]
Christ Has Come – Week 3Episode Title: The Promised King & His Gift of JoyLuke 1:39–56In this Advent episode of Christ Has Come, Keith Harris turns to Luke 1 and invites us to slow down and listen to the joy that begins stirring before Bethlehem. Long before angels sing to shepherds, joy breaks the silence in the hill country of Judea—through a Spirit-filled confession, a leaping child, and the worshipful song of a young woman who trusts the promises of God.Together, we explore:What biblical joy is—and what it isn’t, distinguishing it from fleeting happiness or emotional highs.How joy appears before the word is even spoken, as John the Baptist leaps for joy in Elizabeth’s womb at the presence of the unborn Messiah.Why Mary’s joy is rooted not in circumstances but in God’s mercy, as she magnifies the Lord and rejoices in God her Savior.The meaning and message of the Magnificat, a Scripture-saturated song that celebrates God’s great reversal—lifting the lowly, filling the hungry, and humbling the proud.How Mary’s joy points beyond herself to Jesus, the promised King who fulfills God’s covenant promises and secures lasting joy through His saving work.This episode reminds us that joy is not something we manufacture—it’s something we receive, and it grows wherever Jesus is trusted. Advent teaches us that true joy is found not in having life figured out, but in the presence of Christ and the mercy He brings.If you would like to see a written version of this study, complete with footnotes and cross-references, you can find it here.
I have enjoyed hearing from many of you regarding how our last Bible study was helpful. When Jesus saves us by making us alive in Him (Ephesians 2:4-5), it really does impact our real, everyday lives (Ephesians 2:10), but it is helpful for us to realize that we are not the only ones struggling in our walk with Christ and trying to make it work. When Paul wrote to the Colossians (and us) that “whatever [we] do, in word or deed” – “everything” – is to be done “in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him”, he really meant everything, working from inside our homes and families outside to our vocations. Today, we are going to let God meddle in our homes once more.
Before we dive into today’s text, we need to be reminded that children are a blessing. This is not to say that we do not know this, but raising children is hard. From the terrible twos to the terrible teens, there are times when we forget the blessing children are and get caught up in the rigors of child rearing. This reminder also extends beyond parents. It does not matter if you are a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or someone God has put in a position to get to have a Christlike impact on a child; children are a blessing from the Lord – the Bible tells us so:
Genesis 33:5 (when Jacob returns and encounters his brother Esau for the first time after plundering his birthright) – And when Esau lifted up his eyes and saw the women and children, he said, “Who are these with you?” Jacob said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.”
Deuteronomy 7:13a – [The Lord] will love you, bless you, and multiply you. He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of the ground….
Psalm 127:3-5 – Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Psalm 128:3-4 – Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.
Proverbs 17:6 – Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.
Matthew 18:1-5 – At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to Him a child, He put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the sea.
Gracious gifts from God, blessings, arrows, olive shoots, crowns, and examples are how the Bible describes children so that we are reminded when sin sets in, so that we remember God’s design and not be left up to our own.
Now, just as Paul did not speak only to the parents in the Colossian church but also to the children, so we, despite the fact that I have fewer readers who are children, will not be silent in reminding the blessing of godly parents to children. They need to know that the parents holding them accountable and trying to help them grow up are a blessing, too:
Exodus 20:12 – “Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Deuteronomy 5:16 – “’Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Proverbs 1:8-9 – Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
Proverbs 6:20-22 – My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.
Honor, graceful garlands, pendants, leaders, guardians, and companions are how the Bible describes godly parents and their instruction so that we are reminded when our own sin sets in and parental discipline becomes necessary that God’s design to grow us up in Him is better than getting our own way.
We have our work cut out for us today, Sojourners, and Lord willing, He will meddle in our families for His glory and our good by the power of His Spirit as we study His Word today. Let’s dive in and see what the Lord has for us and for our families today.
Children, Obey Your Parents in Everything, For This Pleases the Lord (v. 20)
This may come as a shock to you, but Paul is giving this command because children, who were believers or being raised in a way that pointed them to Christ, were being disobedient to their parents. I know that is shocking. It must have been widespread (like it is today), too, because Paul even listed “disobedient to…parents” as a sign of godlessness and difficulty in the last days in 2 Timothy 3:2. If you catch a bit of sarcasm here, it is because disobedient children – even those who have been saved – is not a shocking but normal, or at least worldly. That’s what kids, even the best ones, do. And, furthermore, no one had to teach them how to disobey because sinfulness is part of human nature after the Fall (Romans 5:12). Sin being part of our nature, though, does not excuse it. If we are saved – specifically here, if our children are saved or we are pointing them to Jesus as Savior, disobedience is not excused.
What This Does NOT Mean
Paul here (and in Ephesians 6:1) gives the command for children to “obey” their parents. The word translated “obey” here seems simply enough – for one to do what they are told, but the full understanding is, of course to listen and follow instructions but expands to include yielding “to a superior command or force (without necessarily being willing)”.[2] Like in the biblical design for marriage, there is supposed to be submission to the authority God has in place, in this case parents having authority over their children. But there are limits to that authority.
Just as we did in the last Bible study, we need to clarify here that the limit is within the boundaries of whether the commands of the parents conflict with the command of the Lord. The authority and command of God the Father trumps earthly fathers. So, if a parent (hopefully in rare occasions) gives instruction that contradicts the Bible, the child is to, respectfully, obey the Father “in a spirit of love, not of defiance, since the law of Christ is the law of love”.[3] Being a child of God is to influence being a child of one’s parent, meaning when our earthly parents go astray in their instruction and point us in a way other than toward Christ the conduct and example of the child can help the parent see the error in their ways and be granted repentance (2 Timothy 2:25-26).
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
The additional content given to the church at Ephesus was not new content but much older, from the Ten Commandments. This fifth commandment is instructional and instrumental as it is the first commandment dealing with earthly or the “horizontal” relationships.[4] Paul instructs them, also, that this commandment was the first “with a promise” – that “it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land”. Under OT Law, there were instances of disobedience like hitting or cursing a parent that could warrant a death penalty (Exodus 21:15, 17), so living long in the land meant coloring inside the lines of acceptable behavior. For things to “go well” meant to make sure that one’s behavior in the familial context was acting within the rules laid out. Thankfully, under the grace we see in Christ Jesus, He paid the death penalty for us and offers us mercy (Colossians 2:14-15, Titus 3:4-5). But what does that look like?
First, as with all sin, Jesus paying the price for our sin, redeeming us, by no means gives us license to continue in sin (Romans 6:1-4). That’s how sin works in children, though; where there once was a tough punishment (OT Law), leniency can sometimes give way to license. The old saying, give an inch and they will take a mile, comes to mind. This ain’t that. This is God giving guidance for children to receive the discipleship that belongs in the biblical parent-child relationship. Part of parents fulfilling the Great Commission in their homes and teaching all that Jesus has commanded (Matthew 28:20) is the child receiving the information, yielding to parental authority (without necessarily being willing), and following in the prescribed way.
This obedience is right and pleases the Lord. It is also very difficult because they are children. I remember working on something with my father in his shop with Xander there “helping” us. Xander was around four years old, so there was a certain amount of correction involved. After one particularly frustrating exchange, Daddy (well, clearly Poppy in this instance) was frustrated, too. I remember being surprised that he wasn’t necessarily on my side or at least more in solidarity, but what he said stuck with me: “I am fifty[whatever] years old, and I don’t like being corrected any more now than I did when I was his age.” Xander did not like the instruction because he did not understand that there were things there that could hurt him. Poppy understood my instruction as well as Xander’s frustration. We have a good example here because clearly Poppy takes instruction from his Father better at fifty-something or now sixty-something than he did then despite any dislike or frustration. Why? Children grow up. And, as we will see in the next section, growing up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4) bears fruit when children are grown.
Fathers, Do Not Provoke Your Children, Lest They Become Discouraged (v. 21)
Continuing as we have, and considering the volume of what can and needs to be said here, let’s go on and look to Ephesians 6:4 to help us:
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
That last phrase concerning bringing “them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (or “nurture and admonition” in some translations) gets to the heart of the command.
What This Does NOT Mean
While this command is straightforward, it will do us good here as we have wives, husbands, and children, to discuss what the command for fathers (and mothers) not to “provoke” their children to anger does not mean. Plain and simple, this does not mean children should not be disciplined. The Bible is clear that part of good, and especially godly parenting, means giving appropriate instruction (Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Proverbs 1:8-9, 6:20-23; 22:6) and discipline (Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15; Hebrews 12:11). It should also go without saying that the prescribed biblical discipline is not condoning abuse. For example, one can look at passages like Exodus 21:20-21 that teach it to be unlawful for one to beat a slave or servant as guidance for what is also unacceptable for parents. Disciplining is one thing, but cruelty is another. God disciplines His children (Proverbs 3:11-12, Hebrews 12:5-13) but clearly treats His children better than the best earthly fathers (Luke 11:11-13).
What Does it Mean to Parent in a Way That Brings Children Up in the Discipline and Instruction of the Lord While Not Provoking to Anger and Causing Discouragement?
As I said above, the goal of Paul’s instruction to the Colossians, Ephesians, and us today is that children be brought up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). The key to seeing this is in the words translated “provoke”.
English is less precise sometimes than the original languages, so taking a brief look can give us correct context. The word translated “provoke” in Colossians 3:21 can have more than one meaning. Like many words we use today, the context tells us whether it is meant positively or negatively. The positive meaning of that word would be “to incite or stimulate to action” as used in 2 Corinthians 9:2 to describe their zeal being stirred up, but the negative meaning “to excite, anger, provoke, irritate”.[5] Taken with the word translated as “provoke” in Ephesians 6:4 (“implying movement toward a certain point” like “anger” or “resentment”[6]) gives us the full picture: the goal of biblical parenting is raising them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord rather than raising them to resent their parents and the Lord. The Amplified Bible rightly sees such provoking as breaking their spirits, leaving them feeling inferior and frustrated. The words translated “provoke” give us two pictures of parenting, one godly and the other worldly – one righteous and the other sinful. One points children to Christ as Savior and is built out of saved parents’ own relationship with Christ. The other seeks to beat down the child’s resolve and determination to get desired behaviors and is built out of fear and control. One provokes and encourages children turning to Christ and having hope in Him, but the other beats children down, breaking theirs spirits and leaving them hopeless. How can we make sure we are in one and not the other?
Parenting is hard. What is not hard is making children angry when they are corrected. This is seen from when babies are first able to communicate. A simple “no” can bring tears and tantrums (Proverbs 22:15). Does this mean that children can never be made angry? Of course, not. Just as we get angry when corrected, so do our children. We want to commit sin (Romans 7:15-20). If trespasses are when we deviate from God’s path (Isaiah 53:6) and sin is missing the bullseye of His righteous standard (Romans 3:23), too often our sin is purposefully veering off course or shooting our shot at what we want rather than where He has us aimed (James 1:14-15). It is no different with our children. Paul is clarifying that our intent is not to provoke or incite them to anger but to stir them up to “love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24) just as we are with our faith family because we are “bound together ‘in the Lord’ as well as by ties of natural kinship”.[7]
Wrapping Up
So, what does that look like? Here’s a simple list for a difficult task. This list is not exhaustive and, as there are many books written on the subject, this next brief section will not suffice to elaborate on all aspects but to help you see what God has for us and to help us course-correct if change is needed. I will include a footnote here[8] to point you to some good resources if you would like to look further, but this list will point you to Christ and have His Spirit help you on your journey:
Teach your children the gospel. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, Moses lays out some principals to Israelite parents in the wilderness before they pass over the Jordan into the promised land. It is known as the shema, meaning “hear” or “listen” for the purpose of doing and carrying out. So, listen up, Sojourners, and see what the Lord would have us hear and do. First, Moses told them to love God above all else and with all they had: heart, soul, and strength. Second, he tells them that the words he was commanding they should be constantly on their hearts. Finally, he told them that the words should also be on their lips and taught “diligently to [their] children” in all of life, while they were sitting at home and walking and lying down and getting up – that they should be at the forefront of their thoughts as clearly as signs on their hands or written on their doorposts. For Israel, this was to tell their children and children’s children what God had done for them in rescuing them from slavery in Egypt and sustaining them throughout the wilderness despite their sinfulness. You see, the home is where God designed this to be best taught. For us today, it is teaching our children that God put on flesh and dwelt among us to save us from our sin by dying on the cross in our place, raising on the third day, and telling us that all who confess Him as Lord and believe in Him shall be saved. Moses told Israel that this should be done as often as children ask or are able to talk about it (Deuteronomy 6:20). Godly parenting means making sure this comes up and comes up often – talking on it when you sit at home or ride in the car or play catch or ____.
Teach your children how God designed life to work best. I find it easier to talk to my kids about behavior than I do the gospel, which is sad. This part is acknowledging and encouraging you that teaching your kids how to behave is in the job description (Proverbs 22:6). And as we saw in the previous point, home is where God designed for this aspect of discipleship to be taught. Children need to be taught right and wrong because our sin nature pulls us toward wrong like magnetic north to a compass needle (Romans 7:18-19). Your children will need specific guidance that only you can give (Proverbs 1:8-9). You are not alone in this, however; God has given grandparents, aunts, uncles, pastors, church family, and that village that folks are always saying it takes to raise a child (Titus 2:1-4). Just make sure that the Bible sets the course here and not just in the gospel (2 Timothy 3:16-17). The world is vying for a place in your children’s minds and lives, make sure the village or church family you are planted in has the Bible in the place of authority and not as a coaster for worldly living and teaching (Colossians 2:8).
Discipline your children as our Father does us.Hebrews 12:6 (quoting Proverbs 3:12) is the key here as “the Lord disciplines the one he loves”. Love is the key to godly discipline. This is the dividing line between the provoking to anger and the discouragement that can be produced in Colossians 3:21. The difference between disciplining out of love is keeping what the child needs and what God has called you to as a parent at the forefront, rather than letting onlookers and expectations set the pace. Children need to be corrected. Wrong behavior can have all manner of consequences, and the consequences of sin are often much more far-reaching and dangerous than we understand, much less children. But unloving discipline has more in common with abuse than with discipleship. People often quote Proverbs 22:6 as part of this: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it”. This is true and good to know, but part of that means that discipline keeps them in the right lane, in the Way – there are a lot of detours and off-ramps before “when he is old” arrives.
Show your children grace and mercy as your Father has for you. I said it above, but it bears saying again: children are going to mess up. Sometimes it will be small. Others it will be big. Teaching school has taught me a lot about this. I have learned not to say that my children will never ____. That often precedes them nevering like they have never nevered before! No, my children are capable of whatever sin they desire, just as I am capable of whatever sin I desire. There are consequences to my sin (Galatians 6:7), and I am responsible for doling out and enforcing consequences for my children (Proverbs 19:18). Despite the consequences of my sin, however, I have received a lot of grace and mercy from my Father (Ephesians 2:4-5). He does not lessen the punishment, but He also does not lessen His love for me. There is nothing I can do that can separate me from His love (Romans 8:38-39). Children need to know that. I have never been more ashamed than in times when I have confessed sin to my children so that they can learn from my mistakes rather than trying to make the mistakes on their own, but the beauty of the gospel is that I also teach them the good news of a great and powerful Savior who loves me despite my sin and gives me strength so that I am no longer a slave to sin (Romans 6:6). There are times to levy heavy discipline. There are times to withhold (mercy) and give grace instead (James 2:13). This is not religion but relationship – and based off the relationship we have with our Father (Galatians 4:4-7).
Make disciples. The goal of parenting is not to get them in the best colleges or set them up in trades or careers that can help them be set up better financially than you were or your parents before you. The goal is not to get them grown and out of the house. No, the goal is to see them in Christ (3 John 4). This is not a class, nor is it religion. It is a relationship (John 15:4-5).
That list is a good start, but we need to note a very important distinction here: you cannot and do not save your child. You point them to Christ (John 14:6). You teach them His gospel (Mark 16:15). You teach them His ways (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). You instruct them in how He designed life to work best and discipline them when they stray (Proverbs 16:25). But saving them is God’s job (John 6:44). Don’t fret though. He’s good at it! He delights in saving people (1 Timothy 2:3-4)! Having said that, though, this is not something than can be faked. If you are not walking with Christ, your kids already know that. At the same time, kiddos reading this need to know that even if you can fool your parents, the truth will become clear. There is simply no substitute for God saving us because, unless He saves us, we are still dead in our trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1-2), and there’s really no way to fake being alive. It’s the genuine article or a corpse.
So, if you find yourself reading this, Sojourner, whether you are a child or a parent, know that there is opportunity for salvation. The same God who gives these directives and instruction on how being a child or parent works best desires to bring people into His family. Those who confess Him as Lord and believe in their hearts that God raised Him from the dead, He saves by grace through faith. He adopts them into His family and loves them as His own because they are His own. If this is you, I would love to talk with you and pray with you.
If you are reading this and are saved, I would love to talk with you and pray with you, too. Parenting is not easy, but God is good, and His grace and strength is enough.
May He grant us the grace and strength to walk with Him in our families – to have our homes adorned with Christ. Hallelujah, and amen!
17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.[1]
Colossians 3:17-19
Greetings Sojourners!
We are moving into the last leg of our journey through Colossians, and I am praying that, just as these Bible studies have been impacting my own life as I have studied, written, and taught, they will have an impact on your life as well. The impact on my own life has largely come from meditating on the question I asked you to consider in last week’s Bible study: what if all of what Paul told the Colossian church about setting our minds on Christ (Colossians 3:1-4), taking off sin (Colossians 3:5-11), and putting on Christ (Colossians 3:12-17) mattered for real life?
I told you that it is meant to affect every aspect of our lives. Now, we allow God’s Spirit through His Word to meddle in our lives – specifically today, in our marriages.
Before I begin in earnest, I want to clarify something: marriage is not for everyone (check out 1 Corinthians 7 as an example). The primary relationship concern for those who are in Christ is to the Lord. To use the language Paul used there, unmarried men and women are “anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord” and “be holy in body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:32, 34), but married men and women are “anxious about worldly things”, how to please their spouse (1 Corinthians 7:33-34). Marriage is a good thing that should “be held in honor among all” (Hebrews 13:4), but Paul’s word to the unmarried in 1 Corinthians 7:38 is that “he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better” in regard to devotion to Christ.
This does a lot to illustrate how whatever we do, “everything [is to be done] in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Colossians 3:17). For centuries and even to an extent today, the culture has placed a stigma on remaining unmarried – more harshly on women than on men. The standard is not whether or not we have achieved some level of earthly relationship but on whether or not we have a relationship with Christ, so much so that Paul’s second letter to the church at Corinth told them to “regard no one according to the flesh” because those who are “in Christ” are “a new creation” after being reconciled to God by grace through faith in Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:15-19).
So, if you are reading this and God has called you to, for either the time being or for life, singleness, rejoice in your calling, take what can be applied to your life and relationships and leave what cannot. Everything in Colossians 3:1-17 is to be applied for all believers in all of life. Furthermore, everything in Colossians 3:1-17 matters in the everyday lives of believers in all of life. It needs to be said as we are about to enter today’s Bible study that this is more than just knowledge – it is to be applied and learned. This means that for some – really most of us – there will be some repentance involved. John MacArthur summed it up well in his preface to the commentary on our passage today:
“Genuine Christianity consists of both doctrine and holy living. The New Testament reminds us in many places that an intellectual knowledge of our faith must be accompanied by a life that proves faith’s reality. And such a life can only be lived by vital contact with God in Christ. It is difficult to see how Christianity can have any positive effect on society if it cannot transform its own homes.”[2]
If God has really saved us, change will occur – not us changing for Him to save us but Him changing us. There is no way that Him moving sinners from dead in sin to alive in Him (Ephesians 2:1-5, 4:17-24) does not produce change – produce fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).
So, if you are reading this and are saved by grace through faith in Jesus alone and married, take heed as we see what God has for you. This Bible study will not be exhaustive, meaning that it cannot cover the scope of every aspect of marriage. The goal will be to take the specific teaching Paul gave to the Colossian church and supplement it from the longer teaching Paul gave the Ephesian church so that we have a picture of what it is like in real, everyday marriage to be a husband or wife adorned in Christ.
Wives, Submit to Your Husbands, as is Fitting in the Lord (v. 18)
That one sentence encompasses Paul’s message to the wives in the Colossian congregation, but we need to put in some work to understand how to apply these teachings in our real lives.
What This Does NOT Mean
Simply put: the Scriptural command for wives to “submit” to their husbands does not mean abuse. This is not a call to subservience. Those who have used this to demean or put down their wives or to control them have sinned, plain and simple. Paul told the church at Ephesus that marriage was a picture of the gospel, Christ being the husband and the Church being His bride (Ephesians 5:32), so a marriage that is characterized by a husband demeaning his wife and putting her in the position of servitude does not reflect the husband of the Church who “came not to be served but to serve, and to give His live as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).
This submission is not absolute or all-encompassing nor is it obedience. Obedience in the context of Colossians 3-4 is relegated to children and servants, not wives.[3] For a Christian wife, her obedience and submission is to Christ above her husband. If a husband’s desires deviate from God’s Word, the wife should not submit. It also does not mean that women are inferior. Both males and females are created in God’s “own image” (Genesis 1:27). The New Testament reiterates it and clarifies that in Christ, “there is no male and female” (Galatians 3:28). Now, this is not to say that there are not differences, but those differences do not make one better and the other inferior.
What Does Submit Mean, Then?
The word translated “submit” here means “to place in order”, specifically in the context “a willing personal subjection”.[4] Let us look at a few passages in the New Testament where this word is used to help us get a picture of what the Holy Spirit through Paul was talking about. The best place in the context would be Ephesians 5:21 where Paul tells the church at Ephesus (and thereby us today) that part of doing everything out of thanksgiving to and in the name of Jesus (Ephesians 5:20, Colossians 3:17) means that members of the church are supposed to be “submittingto one another out of reverence to Christ”. The submission for a wife to her husband is to be similar in nature to how members of the Church are to submit. This can be further illustrated in the life of Jesus. In Luke 2:51 after Mary and Joseph had lost Jesus and found Him teaching as a child in the temple, it came time for the family to return home to Nazareth, and Jesus was “submissive” to His parents. Jesus is God, but He submitted to His earthly parents when He “became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14). It can also be illustrated by the way Paul told the church at Rome that they were to be “subject” and therefore live in “subjection” to the authority of the government (Romans 13:1, 5). Obviously, their “citizenship…in heaven” (Philippians 3:20) trumped their Roman citizenry and the law of God superseded the laws of Rome, but in the instances where they did not, God called them to be submissive to the power He had allowed to be in authority.
Looking at that context and the definition, it is clear that Christian wives are to willingly subject themselves to the authority of their husbands. God designed the home and family to work a certain way and this submission is to God’s way as opposed to what the world presents as options. Women, knowing full well that they are equal to their husbands (if not surpassing them, as is the case with my wife), willfully submit themselves to God’s design, trusting that He knows best. The husband is to be the spiritual leader of the home with the wife backing him up. The wife is to help her husband to lead well, meaning that her strengths complement and strengthen his so that the family survives. You cannot have two sources of authority. Think about the tension that exists between Christians trying to be submissive to God but also the government. When government authority begins to outweigh God’s authority, one’s walk with Christ suffers. God’s authority wins out. When a wife leads or finds herself having to lead because of a sinful husband, the family suffers.
When Paul told the Colossian church that this submission of wife to husband was “fitting in the Lord”, he was acknowledging that God’s ways are best – that God, the Creator and inventor of human beings, knows His design and what works best (and what does not). So, Christian wives, I urge you to sit down with your husband and y’all strategize as to how to implement this in your homes. We joke in my house about how my wife, Candice, got sidetracked during our wedding when we were exchanging vows. Her father, who was officiating, asked her to repeat after him that she would submit to me, but Candice did not hear. Her response had everyone in the congregation rolling with laughter: “Wait. What did you say?” Yet, her patient submission and help are what makes me able to lead our family. She holds me accountable. She withdraws her submission when I try to lead in the wrong direction. She holds me to a higher standard than any human being on earth can or wants to, ensuring that I am the husband and father God calls me to be.
Husbands, Love Your Wives, and Do Not Be Harsh with Them (v. 19)
It should be noted here that there is a role for husbands and standards for them as well. In fact, the call for husbands in Ephesians 5 is substantially longer than the call to wives. Look at Ephesians 5:25-31:
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Whereas it seems as if the world places little to no expectation on the part of husbands other than to work and provide and allows men to be functional boys, only with more expensive toys, God has a higher calling for husbands than has been tolerated. He holds them to the standard of Christ for love, care, and leadership.
What This Does NOT Mean
First, this is not meant to belittle or demean men. There are times like Father’s Day when men who are seldom seen darkening the doors of a worship gathering show up only to be heavily rebuked, chastised, and told just how worthless they are and have been. This is meant, just as we did above with God’s call to wives, to show what it looks like for God’s call to impact the real lives and marriages of husbands who have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus.
Second, we need to revisit something we talked about above when we clarified what a wife’s submission is not. The authority of a husband is not absolute nor is he the master of his wife. Too often throughout history, men have tried to rule over their wives like tyrannical dictators, terrible fathers, or terrifying masters. This ain’t that. The example of husbanding is Jesus. Period. Before we get into what that looks like, if you are a saved husband and lording over your wife, trying to punish her for stepping out of your lines, or commanding them to serve or service you, you need to repent. There is no Christ in that. Paul rightly and plainly told the Colossian husbands not to be “harsh” with their wives. The word translated “harsh” here means “to be harsh, angry” with the connotation of making someone else “sharp” or to “embitter” them. Love does not create bitterness. Harshness has no part in love.
What Does it Mean for Husbands to Love Your Wives?
I think that the Ephesians 5 passage on husbands is especially helpful here as both Colossians 3:18 and Ephesians 5:22-24 are both brief in their calls to wives, the only difference being Ephesians 5 clarifies the comparison between wives and the Church. This is something that needs to be elaborated on because Scripture elaborates on it (and most worldly expectations for husbands have woefully fallen short of for centuries in many cultures). We will take Ephesians 5:25-31 sentence by sentence, and sometimes phrase by phrase to help us understand – and by understanding give opportunity for application and/or repentance for saved husbands.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her….” This love is special and sacrificial. It tells the Story of a King who left His throne and became a lowly peasant that He might redeem His beloved and rescue her from execution. What King would leave His throne to do such, and not only that but to take the place of His beloved in the execution? Husbands are to love their wives in such a way that their own life is of no account to them when it comes to caring for their wife. What is there that a godly husband would not give up for his bride? The answer should be nothing. This is romantic for sure, but more than that, it is a love that is known and demonstrated (John 3:16, Romans 5:8). It communicates counting the other more significant than one’s own self (Philippians 2:5).
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church…that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word….” If a husband’s love were only wrapped up in being willing to die for his wife, it would be an unfortunate thing for sure. Jesus died for His bride but lives again (Revelation 1:18). That illustrates the nature of earthly husbandly love, too – to be characterized by living for his wife rather than willing to show that love in a one-time event. This is a love that sanctifies one’s wife, sets her apart and gives her to the Lord to be saved and cleansed (Ephesians 5:25-27). The love of a husband does not save, but a godly husband, as spiritual leader of his household, consistently and constantly points his family (beginning with his wife) to the Lord that they may find cleansing according to His Word. This means that the Word is present in the marriage relationship, not being the preacher and interpreter but the one who ensures his wife is thriving in her relationship with God as a fellow believer (Ephesians 5:20-21, Colossians 3:16-17).
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church…so that He might present the Church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she may be holy and without blemish [or blameless]….” Building on the last point, this carries it to completion. Marriage vows rightly say, “till death do we part.” This verse longs to see one’s wife with Christ when death parts. This means consistently continuing in the spiritual leadership role of husband “so long as both shall live” (Ephesians 5:28-29). The wife is not a trophy of conquest possessing a mark of long-remembered beauty. No, she is to be set apart and rejoiced in, ensuring that God keep her not only on earth but all the way to heaven when she no longer be her earthly husband’s bride but part of the Bride of Christ forever with Him in heaven (Revelation 19:7-9). This is a love of safeguarding, protecting, and discipling for all the days of one’s marriage (1 Peter 3:7).
“In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves Himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body.” In recent years with the rise of mental illness and the sad effects of the Fall on the human body (especially the mind), this might puzzle some (Romans 8:20-22). People (like the one writing this Bible study) have gone long years without caring for their body (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). People desire to end their lives. We recognize that mental illness exists and that depressing and thoroughly tragic circumstances exist. We should begin to recognize that believers who are husbands who do not love their wives as Christ loves the Church is an aberration as well. Christian husbands should notoriously be more loving and caring when it comes to their wives because Christ has been loving and caring to them (1 John 4:19). A wife is to be cherished and cared for as one’s own body should be cared for (Ephesians 5:28-29). There is no diet version of a godly marriage. There is either healthy or unhealthy (Matthew 7:17-18).
“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’” The marriage relationship is to trump all other earthly relationships. Rightly here, Paul puts the responsibility of the man to leave the home of his adolescence and take his wife to their own home. This relationship is marked by the “one flesh” union produced by physical intimacy. It is a direct quote back to Genesis 2:24 when God Himself performed the first marriage. This is a call for the 1st century church at Ephesus (and Colossae) to return to the design God had for marriage, and it is a call for the 21st century church to do the same (Ephesians 5:32-33, Colossians 3:18-19). Adam and Eve deviated from the plan when they traded God’s plan for their marriage and humankind when Eve ate of the fruit the Serpent offered and Adam stood by without intervening before eating of the fruit himself (Genesis 3:6). The church at Ephesus was marred by the worship of false gods by having relations with cult prostitutes (Acts 19:24-27). The church today must separate from the culture around us where marriage is no longer held in esteem (Hebrews 13:4). And it is the husband, led by the Spirit following the Word of the Lord, who is responsible for correcting the course rather than following the course of this world (Romans 12:2).
Wrapping Up
Ephesians 5:32 says: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.”
This.
Really.
Matters.
It cannot be faked (Romans 12:9). As I said above, there is no diet version of this – only original formula will do.
This is not a time of being shamed or chewed out for our inability to do marriage right (Romans 8:1). No, that is not what it means by referring marriage back to Jesus and His Bride. The Church can do nothing in her own strength but is made perfect in her weakness because Christ’s strength does and accomplishes everything (2 Corinthians 12:9)!
If you are a believer and a husband to a wife or wife to a husband, this is not a call to give up but a call to hit your knees with one another and seek the husband of the Church to grant repentance and grace in your marriage. This will not be an immediate relief or fix but the beginning of some difficult months or years that will lead to Jesus producing the marriage He gave us in His Word. There will be tears of pain and sorrow, but they can lead to tears of joy and celebration, ultimately to be wiped away in heaven when Jesus’s Bride finally makes it to Him.
It is my prayer for those who will read this to desire a godly marriage – not because of some bit of rule-following or obligation, but because it is worth it. As I have written this, I have found myself conferring increasingly with my bride and asking tough questions. These were not questions of how great I am or how good we have it. No, dear Sojourner, these have been questions of how and why she put up with me when I was a terrible husband – questions of how she could still love me despite laziness and foolishness – questions of how she exemplified Christ’s love when her husband did not. You see, I can testify first-hand that God can produce what He shows us of marriage in His Word. This is not to say that Candice and I have arrived because we have not. But we can testify that by the grace of God we survived my stupidity and have seen God move and work and change us over the past 8-9 years. We can testify of God’s grace in granting repentance and producing forgiveness. We can testify that God’s way works best and that the time and love put into changing is worth more than words can express.
Tomorrow is Sunday, and I am excited to gather with my faith family in worship of our resurrected King, Jesus Christ!
The last few weeks — the whole month of May, really — have been sort of a whirlwind for me. This is not to say they have been bad, just to say that it has been a lot, one thing right after another or multiple things all at once. One passage has come up time and again throughout the business: Ephesians 4:17-24, especially verse 20.
Here’s what that passage says:
17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that is not the way you learned Christ!— 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
Like I said, verse 20 — “But that is not the way you learned Christ!” — has been on my mind; really, it has been convicting me. Years ago, that would be my go-to verse to lob at others whose holy living needed a good kick in the rear, but the more I seek to know Christ and to put Him on (Ephesians 4:24, Colossians 3:12-14), the more I find myself giving the kick to my own rear. This has increased more as I have been studying and writing the last few sections of the Refresh & RestoreBible study on Colossians. I cannot write about what God wants for His people to do or to live like without realizing first that it is what He has called me to do and live like.
There is a quote from the MacArthur New Testament Commentary on Colossians that has stuck with me: “It is difficult to see how Christianity can have any positive affect on society if it cannot transform its own homes.” Essentially, if we profess that our dead hearts have been made alive in Christ (Ephesians 2:1-5, Colossians 2:13-14), then our lives are to be being transformed by Christ, too. If not, that is “not the way [we] learned Christ…assuming [we] have heard about Him and were taught in Him, as the truth is in Jesus” (Ephesians 4:20-21).
My hope for Christ Community Church tomorrow and for all time is set fully in Jesus — in His transforming and saving work and ability. I pray that the preached Word will penetrate hearts and illuminate truth by the power of His Holy Spirit. We don’t have programs or gifting that can convince people to no longer live in futility and ignorance and sin or to move them any closer to God than they are (Ephesians 4:17-18). No, only Jesus can do that. Jesus can take those who are walking in the “futility of their minds” (Ephesians 4:17) and renew the “spirit of their minds” (Ephesians 4:23). Jesus can put away our “old self” and give us a “new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22, 24). And it is Jesus we will point people to tomorrow.
We will sing to and about Jesus.
The subject of our preaching will be Jesus as revealed in His Word.
The substance of our hope is this Jesus whom His Spirit will testify in our hearts.
So, tomorrow, you are invited to hear about Jesus, to be taught in Him, “as the truth is in Jesus” (Ephesians 4:21). We have no other move, no other hope. There is nothing that can compare or substitute.
1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. 3He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Name’s sake.
4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
20Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. 21For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy Name. 22Let Your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in You.
***NOTE: We are revising the lyrics of this song to better reflect the love of God — that which we read about all through Scripture, that which was “made manifest” as we read in the verses above. Many might be familiar with the Greek word agape that describes the unique love of God; the Hebrew word for that type of never-ending, never-failing, never-stopping, never-giving-up love is chesed. It is often translated “steadfast love” in the Old Testament. This is a word God uses to describe Him and His love over 500 times!
This is an opportunity for the theology of what we sing to more specifically reflect the Scriptures, and therefore more accurately reflect the love of God as He shares it with us in His Word. The word “reckless” in the original lyrics was meant to show that God lavishly pours out His love for us. He does! He has poured out His love on us and made it manifest through the gift of Jesus Christ for our sins. Let’s praise God for and sing about His steadfast love!
15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Ephesians 5:15-21
We are heading back to our everyday lives – back home. Today’s passage helps us with that. All week long we have studied and meditated on what it means to walk with Jesus and to share Him with others. It is time for the rubber to meet the road, literally because we have a long ride ahead of us but also in the sense that it is time to do as an old pastor once told me, to put shoes on the gospel!
Walking with Christ does not mean we will be perfect. No, we will fail (sin). We will step off the path (trespass). But it does mean we will not be alone. Jesus has given us His Spirit. We can “look carefully” at our walk with Him and be guided toward what is “wise” and good instead of “unwise” (Ephesians 5:15).
He has also given us His Church. We can have help in these evil days and be on mission together. When things get hard, we have our brothers and sisters with us as we walk with Jesus. Ephesians 5:19-21 describes how we can encourage one another, namely through worshiping God together. This can be through song as we see in Ephesians 5:19, by celebrating what God is doing in our lives as in Ephesians 5:20, or by caring for one another and lifting each other up as Jesus has done and is doing for us in Ephesians 5:21. So, whether you are reading this before the mad dash to pack up or sitting on the bus, look around at those God has placed in your life and be thankful. Do not let the end of a trip be the end of what is to be a beautiful and continual relationship.
Application:
Now, let’s go home and seek the “good works” God has prepared “beforehand” for us to walk in there – together (Ephesians 2:10)!
17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that is not the way you learned Christ!— 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
Ephesians 4:17-24
Today is our “fun” day, but hopefully, meditating on this passage can lead to some good gospel conversations along the way. Note that meditating here is not the criss-cross-applesauce-hummmmm sort of meditation you see on TV. It is a Bible term that means to think on or occupy one’s attention with something. This passage is good for us to occupy our attention with and think about.
Ephesians 4:17-24 builds on our first passage, Ephesians 2:1-10. We know what it means to be made alive in Christ after being dead in our trespasses and sins, but it is important that we know what it means to live the life that Jesus gave us.
First, it means that we are different than the world – not just outside differences that can be seen or sometimes faked, really different from the inside out. We do not get to do whatever we want to do in ignorance anymore. We are no longer alienated (or separated from God) like we were before and given up practicing whatever kind of sin we enjoy and get away with it willy-nilly. If that is our life, we are dead. Paul makes it clear: “that is not the way you learned Christ! – assuming that you have heard about Him and were taught in Him, as the truth is in Jesus” (Ephesians 4:20-21).
That leads us to the second part. We must take off the old, dead self and put on “the new self” that Jesus is making us into being (Ephesians 4:24). We are not strong enough to just stop sinning and be like Jesus. We are strong enough to sin – enough to earn us death. Only Jesus is strong enough to give us strength for the “good works” He has prepared for us (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Ephesians 2:10). When He makes us alive in Him, the old, dead life does not satisfy. Little by little, as the “spirit of [our] minds” get “renewed” (Ephesians 4:23), we become more like Jesus. More and more the “once walked” (Ephesians 2:2, 4:17) becomes less still struggling.
How does this happen? Jesus works through His Word and His Spirit, like He is doing right now during this quiet time. That’s good news!
Application:
Meditate on what it means to be different from the world as in Ephesians 4:17-24. How does being made alive in Christ produce a change in us that goes beyond what can be seen to change us from the inside out?
Think about the illustration Paul gives about taking off the old self and putting on the new (see also Colossians 3:5-17). What does this mean, and how do we do it?
Reflect on the significance of having our mind renewed by the Holy Spirit. What does this mean? How does our mind being renewed contribute to our being transformed to be more like Jesus?
1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:1-3
Summer youth trips are always exhausting. You drive hours and hours away from home. Sleep less than you know you should after staying up late laughing, talking, and playing. You get tired and, let’s face it, a little bit grumpy. If we are not careful, we can let our grumpiness or our hangry-ness to affect things or those qualities in others to affect us. There’s a lesson in that.
We looked yesterday at the difference between death and life, namely walking in our sin and whatever our heart devises and walking according to what Jesus has for us. This part of Ephesians builds on that. Today, we see Paul – who is in prison because he participated in the “good works” God had “prepared beforehand” for him to do (Ephesians 2:10) – urge the folks in the church at Ephesus to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which [they had] been called” (Ephesians 4:1). We are going to look briefly at what that means and what that means for us.
To walk “worthy” of one’s calling in Christ is a simple idea. If one has been saved, Jesus has made them alive, like when Jesus stood at His friend Lazarus’s tomb and called him out of death by his name (John 11:43-44). We looked yesterday at how part of His saving us is Him having a plan for our lives and having work for us to do. The idea of walking – or living a life – worthy of that calling is for our walk to be impacted by what He has done for us. This does not mean perfection; it means pursuit. If a husband is living a life worthy of his wife or vice versa, it means that the relationship impacts the way that life is lived. For us, that means that Jesus saving us – making us alive and putting His Spirit within us – impacts the way we choose to live our life. This is something we must do actively, not something that just happens to us.
Application:
Paul is specific in what he urges the Ephesians to do, and that goes for us, too. To walk in a manner worthy of our calling – worthy of reflecting our relationship with Him, he gave us some qualities. Let us consider how we can live out these qualities today:
“humility” – Having a correct view of ourselves by putting others first (Philippians 2:3-4).
“gentleness” – Having self-control and kindness in how you treat others (Galatians 5:22-23).
“patience” – Having a long-fuse, meaning that you are not quick to anger (James 1:19-20).
“bearing with one another in love” – The love you have for a person means you treat them with love despite wrongs done to you (Colossians 3:13).
“eager to maintain unity in the Spirit in the bond of peace” – Jesus saves us and adopts us into His family, which is an unbreakable bond and worthy of seeking peace over strife. This peace is won by His love (Colossians 3:14, 1 John 4:19-20).
1 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins2 in which youonce walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walkin them.
Ephesians 2:1-10
To walk with Jesus, we must first be saved. The Bible makes it clear that “the wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23) and that because of our sin we were (or still are if not saved) “dead in the trespasses and sins in which [we] once walked” (Ephesians 2:1-2). Look at that language: dead. And what killed us? Sin. Trespasses. Living lives of disobedience. Living in pursuit of our passions and desires. Living out whatever sin our minds and hearts dream up. You cannot just do whatever you want to do and live however you want to live and expect no consequences. Our sin puts us on death row.
There is a phrase that originated from the practice of escorting death row prisoners to execution: dead man walking. That is the way of sin. But God! If we are saved by grace through faith in Jesus, He makes us alive “in Him” (Ephesians 2:4-5)! We no longer have to march toward our death because of the sentence of sin; we are freed to walk in Christ and with Christ! There is definitely a difference between death row and being freed from prison.
As we looked at above, before Christ we are dead men and women walking in our sin and whatever ugliness our hearts and minds can come up with. Jesus saves us – makes us alive – to have something different. He has a plan for our lives. And His plan is marked by His life. He has “good works” that He has “prepared” for us to do and participate in. We are supposed to no longer walk toward death (how we “once walked”) doing whatever we want but instead walk in life toward what He wants. Think about it this way: the God who saved you had planned for you to be on this mission trip before you were ever born or born again! Let that sink in and walk with Him and what He wants today.
Application:
Think about the imagery of being a “dead man walking” in the context of our sin and disobedience. How does this affect the way you understand the consequences of your sin?
Consider the difference between being “dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked” and being “made alive” in Christ. How does this transformation impact the way we walk or live our lives?
Think about the significance of God having a plan for your life and having “good works…prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” How does this fit in with your thoughts about being on this mission trip?
Pray for at least four of our youth and two adults on the trip and ask that God make the “good works” He has planned for you and them clear today.
This year, our CCC kiddos and chaperones are going to be partnering with the Great Passion Play in Eureka Springs, AR again to help with work they need done, act as extras in the play, and to share the gospel with people who are visiting the Jesus statue and other attractions during the day.
This is a good opportunity for our kiddos and chaperones, not just to serve the Lord but to grow closer to Him as well. Each morning — just as we would if we were at camp, we will be walking through a specific study in our individual quiet times. We want to share that with our faith family back home as well. This allows for good conversations when we get back, but primarily, it gives people an opportunity to specifically pray for our kiddos, knowing what they are studying and praying about while on mission.
This mission trip is going to be a wonderful time of fellowshipping with one another, serving the Lord, and growing together in our individual walk with Christ. Let that last part sink in: growing together in our individualwalkwith Christ. Just like one of us could not pull this mission trip off by ourselves – and especially not without the Holy Spirit, we need each other. That sort of togetherness is called the Church!
This week, we are going to all be on the same page – not just united in our work but literally on the same page of the Bible together as we are studying the same passage each day for our quiet time. This will be time spent alone between each individual and God, essentially making time for Him and hearing from Him in His Word every day. This will bring us closer to Him and closer to one another! Our passage for each day, Monday-Saturday, will come from the book of Ephesians and teach us something about what it means to walk with Jesus (Colossians 2:6-7). You see, walking with Jesus comes out of believing in Him. It is active and daily. It is a term that means our lives reflect a relationship with Him and that we act increasingly like Him and continually progress in what we know about Him – how we know Him. Walking with Jesus is living in our relationship with Him. No relationship thrives without time spent together. Lord willing, by the time spent with Jesus in His Word and with His people, our walk with Christ – our relationship with Him – will become stronger.
Here are links to each day’s reading and devotion:
15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.[1]
Colossians 3:15-17
Greetings Sojourners!
I am hesitantly excited about today’s Bible study. Really, I am excited about it, just hesitant to publish it because of how divisive the subject can be among church folks. The subject of today’s Bible study is worshiping through singing.
Some people are almost militant in their divisiveness regarding the subject of singing in church. There are camps made and battle lines drawn. In some cases it is “traditional” v. “contemporary”. In others, it is we only sing this or that. There are Southern gospel camps. There are hymnal camps. Sometimes, these camps draw battle lines. Articles are written. Social media posts are lobbed out like grenades. Pastors are fired or hired. Churches split. The casualty is often the act of worship itself when the object of our worship, our resurrected King – Jesus Christ, is often far from the conversation.
I want to avoid camps and battle lines here today and help us see that while what we sing matters, why we sing and especially who we sing to matters, too, and perhaps matters more.
Why do we sing?
We sing because God ordained it. In Ephesians 4:19, we see most of the same wording as our passage today in Colossians 3:16, but we see the Holy Spirit add to the letter to the church at Ephesus the words “singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart”. He moves us to sing and inspires our song. If God had not wanted us to sing, He would not have told us so. He definitely would not have “breathed out” (2 Timothy 3:16) and inspired the longest and largest book of the Bible – the Psalms – to be a song book. God wants us to sing.
We sing because we have something (someOne) to sing about. In Exodus 15, we see Moses and the people of Israel standing on the far side of the Red Sea. God had divided the sea and brought them across on dry ground with walls of water on either side of them while they were being pursued by the Egyptian army (Exodus 14:22-23). Israel made it across, and God inhibited the Egyptian army – who were marching and riding across that same dry ground – from catching Israel or retreating from Him. The entire army was terrified and cried out in fear because “the Lord fights for [Israel]” (Exodus 14:25). God told Moses to stretch his hand out over the parted waters, and God crushed the Egyptian army (Exodus 14:16, 26-29). Israel “saw the great power that the Lord used against the Egyptians” and “feared” and “believed in the Lord” (Exodus 14:31). Moses sang (Exodus 15, cf. Psalm 106:12). God wants us to sing to Him and about Him.
We sing because God sings. There is a beautiful verse penned by the prophet Zephaniah:
The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
God is going to sing over us. Think about the comfort a parent’s singing gives to an infant or young child. Those children are not critics of the music or drawing battle lines over the choice of lullabies. They are soothed. The sound of parental love brings peace. Mama is there with them in the midst of discomfort. Daddy is near making it safe to close their eyes in darkness. For us, Abba (Romans 8:15, Galatians 4:6) is singing the good news of Who He is, all He has done, and everything that will be. God wants us to sing that over each other, too.
Hear me again: God wants us to sing! But as I mentioned above, He also gives us guidance on what to sing in our worship gatherings. Colossians 3 is one of the places He gives that guidance. Lord willing, I will avoid making this Bible study into a camp or drawing battle lines. I plan on being clear where Scripture is clear and gracious in clarity here. It is my intent to offer a Bible study that helps and does not unnecessarily divide. What follows is my feeble effort to point us to Christ in what we are to sing when we gather together.
What to Sing: The Word of Christ Dwelling Richly (v. 16)
Our last Bible study focused on how the Word of Christ – the Bible – is supposed to be the substance of our preaching. Looking at the context of Colossians 3:16, we see that it is not only focused on the preaching. The Bible is where we find all that can be known about God.[2] The Bible is where we learn of God and all He has done for us in Christ. Also, as mentioned above, the Bible contains an expansive resource of songs that were sung by those in the faith who have come before us – men and women who experienced the work of God and, like Moses, turned and expressed their worship and devotion and awe of God to Him in song.
If the Word of Christ is to dwell richly in our singing, our songs must be tested against the Word. This is important because what the church sings has historically “been one of the most powerful means by which a church is taught”.[3] This can be seen in the way that Wayne Grudem includes hymns and praise songs at the end of each chapter of his Systematic Theology; he believes that the study of theology “at its best will result in praise”.[4] The praise that results from studying Scripture and forming theology should exhibit that theology. An example of this is how an old hymn from my childhood formed the basis of how I understand the atonement of Christ: “There to my heart was the blood applied; glory to His name!” Another example comes from a modern hymn that shows God’s heart toward and power to save sinners who turn to Him: “My sins they are many; His mercy is more!”
This leads on to how we should look at the contents of what we sing in the same way as the preaching that we sit under. The example of the Bereans fits here, too. They were eager to hear, but that is not what set them apart. They were considered “more noble” because they did not let their eagerness take the place of “examining the Scriptures daily” to see if what Paul was teaching matched what God’s Word said (Acts 17:11). If our songs are going to teach us theology, we need to be careful that we are not willingly singing false teaching. There are resources that can help with this like The Berean Test, but you should dig into the Scriptures yourself. At Christ Community, we work through the songs we sing and provide lists of cross-references for every song we sing and provide access to them (almost) weekly through our “Songs for Sunday” posts, but none of that is any good if no one checks the Scripture to see if these things are so.
You might be asking why this even matters or if it really is a big deal. The short answer is yes. The long answer points us back to our passage.
What to Sing: Psalms, Hymns, and Spiritual Songs
Here comes the controversial or at least the point where people typically begin to divide. It is the subject of a lot of conversation, more than a little bit of social media fodder, and is the basis for a lot of opinions that get shared on the subject. The issue for divisiveness here is largely due to opinion – along with tradition or preference. I have neither the interest nor the emotional bandwidth to wade through those issues here. What I am interested in is what Paul told the Colossian church. I am interested in how the content of our worship is meant to flow out of taking off the flesh and putting on Christ. I want to see praise as a response of our theology as well as seeing our theology ensuring that our praise is biblical.
Paul gives the church at Colossae – as well as the church at Ephesus (Ephesians 4:19), our local churches, and the Church from the writing of the New Testament until Christ’s return – three categories of songs for us to sing: psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Now, no song is necessarily one of these categories but more likely a mixture. What I want to do here is, as I said above, to see what these terms given to us by the Holy Spirit through Paul mean and how we can use them to check the contents of our worship through singing.
Psalms
The psalms are the easiest to define because we recognize it as the name of the longest book of the Bible: Psalms. It is the collection of songs written by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to exalt, praise, and worship the Lord for all He had done for Israel. The way the Biblical Theology Study Bible describes the book of Psalms is very helpful to us here:
“The book of Psalms (or the Psalter) has been the hymnbook and prayer book for countless generations of Jews and Christians over the centuries. It contains the entire range of human emotion, from the highest points of joy and thanksgiving to the lowest points of depression and loss and everything in between. The psalms are timeless—hence their popularity among believers in all times and all places. Their presence in the Bible instructs the faithful in the best ways to praise and thank God, and they model legitimate ways to grieve and to address God boldly and directly in the midst of pain and sorrow. The psalms are transparent, passionate, emotive, personal, and genuine, and they provide believers with language with which to express their own deepest emotions and passions.”[5]
The existence of the psalms gives us good guidelines for what our worship is to look like, whether it be learning to call out to God in times of distress and mourning, rejoicing when He has blessed us, crying out from a position of defeat or desperation, or worshipfully reflecting on who God is and all He has done.
The word here in Colossians 3:16 (Gr. psalmos) basically means “Songs”, while the title of the book in Hebrew (Tehillim) meant “Praises”. The Greek form of the word also carried with it the idea of singing being accompanied by music, specifically strings being plucked (like a harp) or played with a plectrum or pick (like a lyre or lute).[6] But ultimately, what we need to understand for today is that the first (and arguably most important) category of songs for us is singing Scripture. This of course includes the 150 psalms we have in the Bible, but it also extends to New Testament passages like Colossians 1:15-20 or Philippians 2:5-11. This illustrates that, in order for the “word of Christ to dwell in you richly”, the contents of our singing is better to contain Scripture than to merely reflect or be inspired by it.
Hymns
This is going to be where some disagree because of the prevalence of hymnals, especially how important they were in churches for the last few centuries. However, there are many songs in hymnals that would fit the other categories as well; examples of this from the 2008 Baptist Hymnal include singing Scripture (psalms) like in Hymn #431 where it is the Lord’s Prayer from Matthew 6:9-13 to music, as well as a number of “spiritual songs” which we will get into in the next section. The word here in Colossians 3:16 (Gr. hymnos) means a “song…in honor of God” or a “direct address of praise and glory to God”.[7]
One might interpret hymns in the more modern context as songs that sing doctrine. If psalms is singing Scripture explicitly, hymns are inspired by Scripture or are used to explain what Scripture is saying. Both are important. But, hopefully, this helps us see why it is so important to sing songs that are faithful to Scripture and contain good, solid biblical theology. I will give an example of an older “hymn” and a newer song to illustrate this. The song “Just a Little Talk With Jesus” talks about a “prayer wheel”, which is Buddhist and has no ties to Christianity at any point in church history. That is dangerous. A more modern example can be seen from events recently in the meetings of the United Methodist Church where they not only abandoned clear biblical teachings on sexuality but joined together singing a “hymn” called “All Faiths Lead to God” which contradicts the Bible’s teaching that Jesus is the only Way to the Father (John 14:6).
Hymns can help us to put good biblical theology in our mouths and in our minds (or bad theology if we are not careful with some). Examples of solid hymns that come to my mind are “A Mighty Fortress is Our God”, “Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of Creation”, “It is Well”, “How Great Thou Art”, “Come Ye Sinners Poor and Needy”, “In Christ Alone”, “How Deep the Father’s Love for Us”, or “Before the Throne of God Above”. This is most definitely not an exhaustive list, but each of these songs is an ode to God’s might and power and points to Him. These songs contain gospel truths and clear doctrine. The age of the song matters not (the songs in the list above range from the 1400s to the early 2000s) because Jesus is eternal and there are nearly 2,000 years of the Church spread out on every continent, which is how it should be because the Church is bigger than just us in our local congregation.
Spiritual Songs
In this final category, we see an example that gets to be a bit more personal. The word in Colossians 3:16 (Gr. ode) is where we get the English word “ode” that describes poems or songs written about/to someone or something. In this case, ode refers to singing in honor of what God has done and might contain confessions of what we have done in sin or praise for what God has done in saving us. These are songs of testimony. For these “spiritual songs” sung in corporate worship, they are songs of shared testimony, singing and testifying things that are common to every believer.
These “spiritual songs” carry common themes like redemption, salvation, justification, the breaking of chains, the removal of sin, repentance, etc. Every Christian to ever be born again shares certain biblical similarities in their testimonies. All Christians were dead in their trespasses and sins, but God made us alive in Him. All Christians were lost until Jesus sought us out and found us. All Christians were slaves to sin but redeemed by God and adopted as His child. These are common themes that resound with all of us. Again, some of these overlap, take “How Great Thou Art” from the list of hymns in the previous section. It is clearly chock full of doctrine, especially in verse three, but that proclamation of doctrine is also a testimony: “And when I think, that God His Son not sparing, sent Him to die; I scare can take it in. That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing; He bled and died to take away my sin!”
Another beautiful truth about “spiritual songs” is how they carry with them the idea of new songs.[8] In Revelation 5:9 and 14:3, the ode is used to talk about the “new song” sung to the Lamb and in Revelation 15:3 to describe the “song of the Lamb”. God is still saving people, giving them new life and a song of gratitude in their hearts, and people are still moved to write songs that make much of Jesus, like the descriptions of heaven in Revelation where crowns are being laid down, palm branches are being waved, and recognition of the singular worthiness of the Lamb is proclaimed constantly. This also agrees with Psalm 149:1-3 that commands God’s people to praise Him and that new songs should be sung because people are “glad” in their Maker, “making melody to Him” with instruments and voices.
So, to take the categories in Colossians 3:16 and simplify them, we are to sing Scripture, we are to sing doctrine as found in Scripture, and we are to sing as an ode to God and a testimony for all He has done and is doing for us.
Wrapping Up
Letting “the Word of Christ dwell in you richly” is no small task, especially as we gather together to worship with our local church. But no task worth doing or goal worth reaching is easy or simple. Making sure that our worship – through preaching, listening, reading the Word, or singing – is biblical is a difficult but necessary task. The result hinges on Him in whom we put our trust. Do we trust Him enough to do things His way, or will we rely too heavily on our own traditions or personal preferences? Are we willing to chuck out songs that are shallow or unbiblical just because that’s what we like or grew up on? These are hard questions, but, again, they are necessary.
It also needs to be said that writing on this does not mean that I have it all figured out or that I am not still changing and growing in this. I’m no longer a young man, and I find tradition and personal preference weighs more heavily in my mind and heart than in previous decades in my life. I find myself convicted when I realize that something I have sung or a song I have always loved and/or grew up on is not biblical.[9] But if I spend time in the Word and with the Word, Jesus, I am not satisfied with lesser songs. I need to worship God as He prescribes, not as I prefer. That is a lesson I am still learning and will likely continue to learn for the rest of my life, until I stand before Him on the throne and cast my preferences aside and all I can do is worship my Lord and King.
So, how do we apply this?
Well, most simply, we guard what we sing and test it according to the Word. In some cases, songs will need to be thrown out. In others, parts or lines can be rewritten to fit with Scripture. But, ultimately, we need to desire to worship the Lord and to have His Word “dwell in [us] richly”. We need to hunger for Him and realize that worship is all about Him and nothing of us (other than confessing our sinfulness and need for Him).
Jesus is worthy.
Jesus is Lord.
Jesus is God.
Let us make sure we worship Him for who He is and how He told us to in His Word.
[1]The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Col 3:15–17.
[9] I want to make a specific statement regarding some of the songs we sing, but it did not fit well in the exposition of Colossians 3:16. We need to be increasingly careful of the sources of our music. Some of the most popular songs today are from churches like Hillsong, Elevation, or Bethel. In many ways, these three churches have departed from orthodox Christian teachings in certain areas and in the case of Bethel have gone to underhanded lengths to simulate or fake the presence of the Holy Spirit. We need to be careful when drinking from tainted wells. At the same time, we need to be vigilant in checking all of our songs. Some older songs fit that bill as well. Do your research and see if songwriters or hymnwriters are part of a local church – whether or not they have accountability as a church member with pastors and people discipling them. We need to be vigilant regarding the Word content of the songs we let in our minds because, again, it helps form the theology coming out of our mouths. We raise our children with songs to warn of danger like “Be careful little ears what you hear”; may we warn ourselves with “Be careful little flock what you sing.”
Just Keith Harris 