Category Archives: Marriage

Reflections on the Goodness of God from My Hospital Bed — a Refresh & Restore Testimony

Greetings Sojourners,

As I write this, I am on my seventh day of my current hospital stay. This hospitalization — or even the illness really — is not the subject of my reflections but merely a backdrop. However, I will give enough details for clarity and hopefully none for complaint.

Many of you most likely do not know that I am in the hospital, and that is because I don’t care for that sort of attention. Outside of the Christ Community prayer group and a few personal messages, I have not shared much. Ultimately, this is pride — not trying to hide things necessarily, but some difficulties are hard to share even when you should (2 Corinthians 12:9). So I’m sharing now.

Two weeks ago (May 29), I woke up with what I thought to be gout flare ups in both feet. This was odd as gout typically manifests in just one, isolated joint. I already knew that I am an atypical sort of guy, so I just was going to roll with the weird. Within an hour, both feet were fully swollen up to the ankle. By lunch, my left wrist and the little finger joint on the right hand had joined in with swelling and pain.

The next morning (May 30) I awoke to walking being nearly impossible because of excruciating pain in both feet. I needed assistance eating because the pain in both hands was nearly as bad. I still managed to walk to the bathroom a few times. Little did I know I would only walk one more time the following day.

The next Monday (June 2), Candice took me to an orthopedic doctor in Oxford. They performed x-rays and examinations that revealed my feet were “full of arthritis”, meaning there was no space in my foot not taken up by inflammation which explained why walking or even standing, and the doctor scheduled a wide array of labs to be run and started me on a steroid pack. The following day (June 3), Kevin took me to Oxford to get the labs run. And the wait began.

Long story short, steroids brought little relief and the lab results were largely inconclusive except to say that wide spread inflammation was occurring in my body. By the end of the week (June 6), the total joints inflamed and in pain expanded to both knees, the right hip, and eventually both shoulders. We went to the hospital that night and ended up staying (and are still here).

Ultimately, there is no official diagnosis, but what is known is:

  1. There was gout involved.
  2. Even though there initially was thought to be some sort of infection, none was found.
  3. My body had an autoimmune response and was fighting against itself causing the wide spread inflammation to all the joints.
  4. God is still seated on His throne, still loves me, still cares for me, can heal me if He so chooses, and — for whatever reason — has me where I need to be even if it’s not where I want to be (Romans 8:28, 2 Corinthians 4:16-17).

The reason I am writing this is because in the midst of the worst two weeks of my life, I have consistently seen and experienced the goodness of God on display (Psalm 27:13) and want to share that. So, with no further ado, let me share with you about the goodness of God.

Reflection #1 — An Excellent Wife I Have Found

10 An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:10-12

So far (and for the rest of this), Candice is typing instead of me. I have gained about 95% usage of my left arm and hand back and only about 75% of my right arm and hand (which also has an IV in a less-than-helpful position). This is the first collaboration of this sort Candice and I have ever done, and judging by how much she hates that she’s having to type out a reflection thanking God for her and bragging on her, this may be our last.

Over the last two weeks, Candice has tirelessly (despite exhaustion and being as overwhelmed and scared as I have been) cared for me night and day. She has advocated for me with doctors (even ferociously at times), fed me, bathed me, and loved me through this time. While I was humiliated for being so unable to do for myself, her love humbled me and reminded me that wedding vows spoken by young adults prove out by the deeper-than-romance love that God can foster between a husband and a wife.

This has not been easy for her. She didn’t expect it to be. The love that she has shown me, even as she types this now through her own tears, has preached the gospel of Jesus’s love for His Church more eloquently and effectively than my words ever could (Ephesians 5:32). Her selfless actions and unrelenting care were more than “word or talk”, showing her love “in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18).

I could not, should I live a thousand years, hope to ever repay or match her show of love and care (although I can’t wait to get to go home and try). She’s more precious than treasure (Proverbs 31:10), has all of my trust, is my favorite person and the love of my life, and has shown real-life love more than I could have ever dreamed of 22 years ago.

Reflection #2 — God Exulted Over Me With Loud Singing

The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty One who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you by His love;
He will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

We were supposed to be on a mission trip with our Christ Community youth group in New Mexico right now, but obviously we are not.

I am immensely thankful that God allows me to be one of the pastors at Christ Community, and getting to serve and disciple our kiddos is one of the greatest joys of my life. Needless to say, a large portion of my heart has been in New Mexico while my body has been confined to this hospital bed.

Sara Goldwater worked it out with Candice that they would FaceTime us so that we could participate in some of their nightly worship times. I knew we needed that, but at the time I was so mentally, physically, and emotionally overwhelmed I almost said no. Thankfully, I didn’t because the kiddos and adult leaders who are so dear to my heart ministered to me more that night than I ever have to them.

The time they spent singing and songs they chose were so carefully, lovingly, and thoughtfully arranged that by the end I was ugly crying and raising the only hand I could in worship of God.

The first song they chose was “Battle Belongs“, reminding that God is our fortress, mighty to save, and has already won the only battle that eternally matters through the cross and His empty tomb (Colossians 2:14-15).

The second song was “Firm Foundation (He Won’t)“, reminding me that Jesus is my rock and firm foundation, who has never failed in all of history, will never fail in the time that remains, and will protect and keep me through the storms of this life (Matthew 7:24-25). It brought to mind a quote from Charles Spurgeon (who dealt with debilitating gout and health problems that often left him bedridden for longer than I have been):

I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me up against the Rock of Ages.

After a verse and chorus of “Because He Lives“, and being reminded that I know who holds the future, the mission team humbled me and loved me in a way that was nearly overwhelming. They passed the phone around and one-by-one spoke something meaningful, encouraging, personal, and loving. To say that I was wrecked is a vast understatement. I was reminded of Zephaniah’s words to Israel above about how, even in times of trials and exiles, God was still in their midst, still mighty to save, still rejoicing over them. But it’s the last part of Zephaniah 3:17 that was so poignant and clear to me that night as it describes God Himself quieting His people, those He loves, by exulting over them with loud singing. I experienced God singing over us by His mission team singing over me. That memory will stay with me from here on out.

Reflection #3 — Built Up and Burdens Borne

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

We have experienced such a great outpouring of love, concern, care, and prayer from our family, faith family, and friends. Difficult times are often lonely times, but that has not been our experience. I could not begin to recount all of the text messages and phone calls. Family (both biological and church) have come to sit and visit to lift spirits. The days leading up to the hospital stay, Candice did not have to cook as well as care for me because God has people in our life who took care of that, even being so thoughtful as to find out some foods our kiddos would like and sending us to the hospital with our own vending machine stockpile so as to not go without at all.

Sometimes it is not until after tragedy or loss that people step up in this way. I have often wondered why we do not share more freely how we feel with people while they are still with us. However, I do not have to wonder anymore because God has used the kindness and care of our families and friends to show His goodness toward us.

Without hesitation, Katherine and my parents have taken care of Xander for the entirety of the hospital stay, keeping him busy and worry-free while Candice and I were living out the opposite. Candice’s dad wanted to show appreciation for our helping him through similar health difficulties that we may experience the way he felt when cared for. And as far as helping bear our burdens, Kevin got me in and out of the vehicle and wheelchair multiple times, and he and Daddy literally carried me out of the house the day I went to the hospital.

Keri was still able to go with our church on the mission trip, and we did not have to doubt for a second that she would be cared for, looked after, and loved like she was their own (because that’s how our faith family loves). We received many text messages at various times making sure that we knew she was being cared for looked after (while still letting her be the independent young woman she is). We are thankful for the spiritual aunts, uncles, and cousins who have adopted our kiddos and love them.

While tangible shows of care and physical presence are big, nothing has moved me more than the sheer volume of people praying for us. Too often, we treat prayer like the least we can do, but what more can you do than seek God Most High on behalf of someone? I felt like the man in Mark 2:1-12 whose friends carried him on the roof of where Jesus was, removed a section, and lowered their friend to where Jesus could help him. It’s humbling to know that so many were willing to approach the throne of grace and seek mercy from the King on my behalf (Hebrews 4:16). It is the most they could do, and they did it tirelessly.

When you are feeling alone in sickness and pain, it’s too easy to be isolated, but God in His goodness, as reminded us at every turn, that He is with us and has given us family, friends, and a faith family to remind us of that.

Reflection #4 — Lord From Sorrows Deep I Call

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
my salvation and my God.

Psalm 42:11

Sunday night/the wee hours of Monday morning was probably the longest of my life thus far. I have been avoiding pain medication as much as possible, but should have taken it sooner that night. The pain got to be too much, and coincided with a night requiring multiple lab draws with arms too swollen to find veins. I had just become overwhelmed.

In normal circumstances, I use the Dwell app (an audio Bible/Scripture meditation app) to take my mind off of difficulties or trials, but I could not work my phone or hold a Bible in my hands. My mind was so frantically distracted that I found it difficult to bring Scripture to mind. I laid in the dark, pleading with the Lord, praying for help or relief or whatever.

Now, if you know Candice, sleep has always been very precious to her. If you know hospitals at night, you know sleep is for well people at home. However, Candice stood over my bed for hours, playing various playlists of Scripture verses to help me fix my mind on things above, on Jesus, “not on things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:1-2). She played “psalms and hymns and spiritual songs” to help the “Word of Christ dwell in [me] richly” more than the pain that overwhelmed me physically (Colossians 3:16).

Dark times can cloud our vision. Sometimes hope is eclipsed by temporary trials. But for those who have been saved by grace through faith in our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, “suffering produces endurance”, “endurance produces character”, “character produces hope”, and “hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5). My hope remains because it is not fickle, moveable, earthly hope; my hope is a person. My hope’s name is Jesus. And I can cast “all [my] anxieties on Him, because He cares for [me]” (1 Peter 5:7).

One of the clearest evidences of God’s goodness is that He has given us His Word — not only to reveal Himself, but to renew our minds, anchor our hearts, and strengthen us in every season of life. In His mercy, God does not leave us to be shaped by the world around us, but transforms us through the renewal of our minds so that we can discern His will and walk in it (Romans 12:2). His Word brings comfort and life in the midst of affliction, reviving our hearts when they are weary (Psalm 119:50). When our minds are fixed on Him through the promises of Scripture, He surrounds us with perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3). Rather than letting anxiety consume us, He invites us to bring everything to Him in prayer, and as we dwell on what is true and good, His peace guards our hearts and minds in Christ (Philippians 4:6-8). In trials, His Word gives strength and courage, equipping us for every step of obedience (Joshua 1:8-9). Because Scripture is breathed out by God, it thoroughly equips us for every good work — not just in easy seasons, but especially when life is hard (2 Timothy 3:16-17). When we delight in His Word and meditate on it daily, we become like trees planted by water — stable, nourished, and fruitful no matter the conditions around us (Psalm 1:2-3). And as we not only hear His Word but live it out, we experience His blessing and see more clearly who He is (James 1:22-25). In spiritual battle, His Word is our sword (Ephesians 6:17), and even Jesus, in the wilderness of temptation, showed us that we do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God (Matthew 4:4).

Every verse is a testimony to His kindness — He has not left us in the dark, but has spoken light and truth to sustain us.

That night, when my body had failed me and there was no strength to attempt to battle for myself, God sustained me with His Word. It was a refreshing reminder of His goodness, goodness I learned of from His Word and experience anew through His Word again and again. Here are some examples of both song and Scripture playlists:

  • Song | “Lord from Sorrows Deep I Call (Psalm 42)”

I do not (we do not) write this seeking sympathy or trying to complain. I am thankful to have a God who does not leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5, Deuteronomy 31:6) but instead meets me in my darkness with His light (John 1:5, Psalm 18:28).

On the way to the hospital last Friday night, Kevin reminded me of Satan’s words to God when seeking to tear apart Job’s life to make him curse God (Job 1:8-12, 2:3-6). Now, I am far from Job, and I am not saying this is all some elaborate test of my faith. The consequences of the Fall on the world and within human bodies (death, decay, sickness, etc.) is enough. But if you think on Satan’s rationale for needing to hurt Job, his earthly logic seems sound:

9 Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? 10 Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. 11 But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.”

Job 1:9-11

and,

3 And the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast his integrity, although you incited me against him to destroy him without reason.” 4 Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. 5 But stretch out your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face.”

job 2:3-5

Kevin reminded me that Satan knew that by attacking Job’s health it could fundamentally affect how he lived and thought. So Satan was right — insomuch as the things of this earth being all that there are. His logic, at face value, was sound. However, what Satan discounted — what he always overlooks in his passion and sinful pride — is that the LORD is not of this world. The Creator of all that is, the King of kings and Lord of lords is not bound by the logic of a being He created because He Himself is Truth.

When He saves people, He fundamentally changes them from the inside out, making them new creations not religious converts (2 Corinthians 5:17). His change in those He saves is not a mere change of mind but truly a change from death to life, delivering them from “the domain of darkness” to the “kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Colossians 1:13-14).

I am not Job. But I have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus (Ephesians 2:8-9). My faith has wavered at times these last two weeks, I have forgotten who and whose I am, but praise God when all else is stripped away and I find myself at rock bottom, Jesus is the Rock (Psalm 18:2, 1 Corinthians 10:4).

I have to remind myself that God is no more or less good if He chooses to heal me immediately and/or completely or if whatever purpose He allows this to go on. He is good because that is who He is.

God is good all the time.

And all the time God is good.

As difficult as this period is (and seems to continue to be), I can rejoice that in the midst of sickness and pain I have seen the goodness of God and can see more clearly the sweetness and beauty of Jesus’s return when He will dwell with His people, wiping away their last tears with His nail-scarred hand as well as wiping away death, mourning, crying, and pain (Revelation 21:3-4). All of those things have an expiration date that is set and sure.

The goodness of God has no expiration date.

We are thankful to have the opportunity to share with you and would appreciate your prayers. If anything has helped you, lifted your spirits, or helped you see the goodness of God in Christ, then I’m glad to be where I am. And I am learning to be content that whatever season I find myself in I am not alone for He is with me.

Thank you and God bless.

I’m Thankful for My Wife — Gratitude & Hope Challenge | November 6

I’m thankful for my wife!

I say this a lot, but it is because I am blessed. Much to my regret, I have not always realized this and took it for granted for too long. Lord willing, I won’t forget — or let her forget it!

This passage from Genesis 2 is when Adam awoke from the sleep God put him in and saw his bride for the first time. I love the phrase “at last” there because it communicates the worthiness and excitement that comes with his declaration. He had named all the animals and there “was not found a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:21).

At last God parade something in front of him worthy of him. If you’ll forgive the pun, Adam’s reaction was “Woah, man!” He was excited and happy to meet his bride. It was a match made in Eden.

I can still remember the first time I laid eyes on Candice. I can remember the glint of the sun on her hair on the afternoon I asked her to marry me. I remember seeing her on our wedding day when the doors of the church opened. And I get to look over to my left and see my beautiful bride right now as I type this. Woah, man, I’m blessed!

If you are blessed to have a wife, let her know. It doesn’t hurt to do it on social media, but it is best to be done regularly and rightly in person. Recognize how God has blessed you with her, thank Him for giving her to you, and thank her for putting up with you as well!

Lord, thank you for Candice. Thank you for letting me spend every day with my best friend and for waking me up to realize the gift you have given me in her. Let Keri, Xander, and me tell her often that we love her and show her more than we say it. Help others who are reading this to be thankful for their wives, too, and move their hearts to tell their wives they are thankful as well as showing them. Amen.

All through the month of November, our Christ Community Church family is focusing on what we are thankful for and expressing our thanks to our “great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us” (Titus 2:13-14).

This, like the #DailyWisdomChallenge we went through in October, is a challenge from our pastor John Goldwater — the #GRATITUDEandHOPEchallenge — where we have the opportunity to post Bible passages that move us to thanksgiving or in which we find hope. May this lead you to be grateful and find your hope in Jesus!

Daily Wisdom Challenge — Proverbs 18

For the month of October, we are answering the challenge John Goldwater, pastor of Christ Community Church in Grenada, MS, laid out — the #DailyWisdomChallenge. Each day, we are going to read through a chapter of Proverbs corresponding to the day of the month.

This fits with what we have studied in Colossians, specifically Colossians 3:1-2, namely that we should seek “the things that are above, where Christ is” and set our minds like a thermostat “on things that are above, not on things that are on earth”. Imagine what a month meditating on God’s Word daily can do for us.

Won’t you join us on this #DailyWisdomChallenge and set your minds on Christ?

Outside of God saving me, the single greatest blessing in my life is God allowing me to be married to Candice. It does not take much thought or thinking through our relationship over the last twenty-three years to confirm that she is definitely my “good thing” and an example of God’s grace and “favor” in my life. And none who know or care for me would disagree.

But Proverbs 18:22 is not just about me and Candice. It, like so many other proverbs, finds its meaning not only in its own words but in contrast to others. As we looked at when discussing the “forbidden woman” v. the wife of one’s youth in Proverb 5, there is a contrast between the life that God prescribes and the paths that forge on their own. In the coming chapters of Proverbs (21:19 and 25:24), there is a contrast between wives who seek to be something other than a good thing or godly favor but to drive their husbands to be better off living “in a desert land” (Proverbs 21:19) or on “a corner of the housetop than in a house” (Proverbs 25:24).

Proverbs 18:22 represents living according to God’s wisdom in contrast to the anti-wisdom of the temptations of the forbidden woman or the plight of a quarrelsome marriage. God has a specific design for marriage and, as He Himself invented marriage, His design works best.

Before we get into God’s design for marriage, let us clarify as we did in our our “Adorned With Christ in All of Life: Marriage” part of our Colossians series, marriage isn’t for everyone, as Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 7. Marriage is good and “should be held in honor” (Hebrews 13:4), but Paul says those who stay unmarried can have even greater devotion to Christ (1 Corinthians 7:38).

God’s design for marriage began when He remarked in the Garden of Eden that it was “not good” that Adam “should be alone” and decided to “make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). God performed the first surgery and the first marriage in quick succession. He created Eve from Adam’s rib and joined them together as man and wife. Their union was to be the example for those marriages moving forward — in intimacy as well as how it was set apart (Genesis 2:23-25).

Many try and abuse God’s design for marriage by citing the term “helper” (Genesis 2:18) and the call to submission in Ephesians 5:22, but those picture something different for marriage — something better. You see, God did not create marriage for a man’s benefit but also for women.

While it is “favor from the Lord” for man to find a wife, it is not a curse for the wife. The husband is to love and care for his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Marriage is to be a picture of the gospel (Ephesians 5:32).

To find God’s purpose for your life is a good thing. If it is singleness, that is a good and godly pursuit. If it is marriage, that is a good and godly pursuit. But both should be sought as God prescribes.

Marriage works best the way God intended with husbands caring for and loving their wives and wives caring for and loving their husbands. When I think specifically of how God has blessed me and shown favor to me in my wife, I think of the rib He used to make Eve (Genesis 2:21). God did not just design marriage; He also designed the human body. He made the rib cage to protect the most vital human organs like the heart and lungs. My wife is small, but she is fiercely protective of those she loves. She is protective of me even when I think I do not need protection. She looks to care for me even when I think I am the only one doing the caring and providing.

She has also taught me what it is to be a “helper” in the Genesis 2:18 sense. Everything that I do is enhanced because God has put her in my life. He has changed and grown me immensely over the years by His indwelling Spirit, and He has given me a desire to change, grown, and be better for the wife He has given me.

If you are reading this and married, take time and thank God for the spouse He has given you. Then, talk to your spouse and tell them you are thankful for them. Know that God has a plan for your marriage as surely as He has a plan for you (Ephesians 2:10), and see to it that you represent God’s favor to your spouse rather than husband-ing or wife-ing in such a way that they are headed for the desert or the roof! As Martin Luther said centuries ago, “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of marriage. Thank you for the way that Your relationship with Your church gives us the perfect example of love and a high standard to live up to — a standard worth striving for. Thank you for Candice and make me a man worth being married to!

Daily Wisdom Challenge — Proverbs 5

For the month of October, we are answering the challenge John Goldwater, pastor of Christ Community Church in Grenada, MS, laid out — the #DailyWisdomChallenge. Each day, we are going to read through a chapter of Proverbs corresponding to the day of the month.

This fits with what we have studied in Colossians, specifically Colossians 3:1-2, namely that we should seek “the things that are above, where Christ is” and set our minds like a thermostat “on things that are above, not on things that are on earth”. Imagine what a month meditating on God’s Word daily can do for us.

Won’t you join us on this #DailyWisdomChallenge and set your minds on Christ?

Proverbs 5 is tough — as it should be, because there is real danger and wickedness in the world that actively seeks to lead us astray.

Right there in Proverbs 5:1, we see the same call to attentiveness to “wisdom” in order to gain “insight” (Proverbs 4:1) and “understanding” as in our last post. The specific nature of the wisdom offered in Proverbs 5 is about the temptation of adultery, and it uses the illustration of the words (anti-wisdom, if you will) that come from the “lips of a forbidden woman” (Proverbs 5:3).

I chose Proverbs 5:18 as the focus verse because it very clearly illustrates a few things about the way that God’s plan and wisdom unfold.

First, God is not some cosmic killjoy trying to keep us from having fun and enjoyment. We need to be attentive to God’s wisdom because He knows best, and especially because He knows and sees beyond what we can. We might get caught up in listening to the anti-wisdom and think it’s “honey” because its rhetoric is “smoother than oil” (Proverbs 5:3), but in reality, that honey is laced with “wormwood” (poison) and seeks to cut us down as with a “two-edged sword” (Proverbs 5:4).

Second, God’s ways are not empty of enjoyment. Proverbs 5:18 gives contrast to the poison anti-wisdom and allure of adultery by reminding that there is rejoicing in one’s own wife, one’s own spouse. Furthermore (and not something I am going into here), the following verses show that all of the enjoyment promised by the forbidden woman (without the danger and death) can be more truly and completely found in one’s own marriage! In fact, that’s God’s design. Read on in Proverbs 5 and be attentive to see what I’m talking about.

Lastly, following God’s design and heeding His wise counsel leads to life. The forbidden woman “does not ponder the path of life” (Proverbs 5:6) and “her steps follow the path to Sheol” (Proverbs 5:5). Let me translate that for you: she doesn’t care that the wages of sin is death because she’s on the broad road that leads to destruction, to Hell (Romans 6:23, Matthew 7:13). You may not know it, but there is more going on than someone tempting spouses to cheat; as Paul said in Ephesians 6:12, “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places”. Be attentive to the wisdom of God and not tempted by the smooth honey poison of the devil and this world.

To sum all this up, and especially if you are married, God’s ways are best and the husband or wife He has given you is where you are to find your delight.

Lord, help us enjoy our marriage and be attentive to your wisdom and ways. Protect our marriages and strengthen them in you. Shield us from the evil attacks around us and keep our attention and ears tuned into what You have for us.

Songs for Sunday, June 16, 2024 @ Christ Community Church

Sunday’s coming, and I’m excited!

I have found myself thinking a lot about marriage over the past few weeks: the last Refresh & Restore Bible study was on Colossians 3:18-19 and what it is like for a marriage to be adorned in Christ, and Candice and I will celebrate 18 years of marriage next week.

All of this thinking about marriage has had me thinking a lot about the gospel. Paul, in Ephesians 5:32, says that marriage (which He refers to here as a “mystery” or symbol) “refers to Christ and the church”. Marriage, the love of a husband for His wife/a wife to her husband, is meant to be a picture of the gospel.

Why?

Well, the gospel is a picture of love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and reconciliation. The gospel is a picture of the King of kings leaving His throne, coming to earth in pursuit of His bride — to redeem her from her sin and death, bringing her home with Him.

This can be seen in the Bible through the marriage of a prophet named Hosea and his wife, Gomer. Now, the gospel gives us imagery for the Love Story of all love stories, but it is not necessarily nice and neat nor is it always fitting for the Hallmark channel. There’s death and blood and gore and sacrifice. There’s sadness and heartbreak. There’s…well, let’s look at Hosea and Gomer’s love story, or at least the PG-est version I can give you.

God told Hosea that his marriage would be a picture of the way that Israel had committed adultery against Him. So, Hosea was told to go and take a wife like Israel — a wife who would no doubt forsake Hosea and commit adultery against Him like Israel had forsaken the Lord (Hosea 1:2). And that’s exactly what Hosea did, and that’s the beginning of his story with Gomer (Hosea 1:3). They had a rough go at it, but God had a plan in the midst of what looks like a terrible calling.

Hosea and Gomer had a baby. God told him to name the child Jezreel so that when people heard the name of the child Hosea could tell them that the Lord was going to punish Israel for the bloodshed by the hands of Jehu (2 Kings 10:11 will give you the context). Imagine someone coming up to you and asking the name of your child. What would normally be a happy or at least a generically positive conversation would be: meet my son Jezreel; we named him that because God is angry over our nation’s sin and is about to lay down judgment for it.

Hosea and Gomer had two more children, although the language in Hosea 1:6 and 1:8 differ from the birth announcement of Jezreel (Hosea 1:3), meaning that Gomer was doing exactly what was prophesied of her — she had conceived their other two children outside of their marriage. These two kiddos had interesting names, too, as well as messages for Israel (Hosea 1:6-9). The first was a daughter named Lo-ruhama (No Mercy). The second was a son named Lo-ammi (Not My People). When people learned those names, they were to be told that, because Israel had forsaken the Lord — in the same manner in which Gomer had forsaken Hosea — that they were no longer to receive God’s mercy, no longer to be called God’s people, and that God would no longer be their God.

This is a truly terrifying message.

Mercy is God withholding the punishment deserved in favor of grace. Now, it was time for judgment. At face value, it appears that hope was lost for Israel because they had forsaken their hope — their Husband (Hosea 2:16) — all because their own desires were greater than their love for Him. This coincided with the fact that Gomer had left Hosea and had been sold into another man’s harem (Hosea 3:1-2). Hosea and Gomer’s marriage was to be a picture of God’s relationship with Israel, so if things are taken on the face of the terrible news, Hosea should just unmercifully cast Gomer aside and gave her a good riddance and so on. That’s what we would do today. Moses even allowed for such an instance (Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Matthew 19:7-9).

But GOD….

Look at the language of Hosea 2:14-15:

14“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. 15And there I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.

God would pursue His people and woo (“allure”, “speak tenderly”) them back to Him. There would be times of trouble (“wilderness”) and it would take time, but His people would repent and turn back to Him. He would no longer call them Lo-ruhama (No Mercy) or Lo-ammi (Not My People) because He would once again show them mercy and gather them to Himself as His people.

What about Hosea? God told him to go and get his wife, even though she was “loved by another man” (Hosea 3:1). Hosea went to that man and BOUGHT (literally, redeemed) his wife for “fifteen shekels of silver” and some barley (Hosea 3:2). In the same way, God has sought us out in the midst of our unfaithfulness to Him (James 4:4) and “demonstrates His love in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Hosea paid a little money and grain, but Jesus paid for His Bride “not with perishable things such as silver or gold”, but with His “precious blood”, “like that of a lamb without blemish or spot” (1 Peter 1:18-19). He loves us despite our sin and death and offers us love and life in Him alone. Knowing full well the depth of our sin, Jesus came to earth and, again, BOUGHT (literally, redeemed) us from slavery to sin and makes us His own forevermore.

What a love!

What a Love Story! And it is not over yet.

Revelation 21 gives us a window into heaven when Jesus’s Bride, the Church, will finally come home to Him. Look at the language here and how it fits with Hosea’s story. From the throne of God we hear these words:

“Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes….” (Revelation 21:3-4)

Oh, what a day that will be when we stand before our King and with nail-scarred hand He reaches up to wipe away the last tear His bride will ever cry. The pinnacle of His mercy will be reached when His Bride comes home and dwells with Him in His house forever!

Now, I know that this is pretty heavy for a “Songs for Sunday”, but oh, how beautiful it is! It would be so easy to look at this and say, woe is Hosea, but we have all been Gomer. Yet the King of kings left His throne, “took on flesh, and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). Jesus, “emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men”, was “found in human form”, and “humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:7-8).

And that is what we are singing about this Sunday.

We are singing and praising God because He has made us clean before Him by His precious blood. He paid our sin debt and offers His righteousness in exchange. And just like one of the songs says, “I’m undone at the mercy of Jesus! I’m undone by the goodness of the Lord!”

It doesn’t matter whether you deem yourself far off from God or close to Him, it is good for us to get to gather and make much of Him — to sing His praises and know that He is in the business of saving and His love casts out all fear and can cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

It is good for us to get to gather and point each other to Him. It is all we have to offer at Christ Community because for many of us, we remember what it is like to be loved like Gomer.

What about you?

If you are in or around Grenada, MS this Sunday, we would love to invite you to gather with us. It’s Father’s Day — bring dad, too.

Here are our Scriptures & songs:

4But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 5He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, 6whom He poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7so that being justified by His grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

  • Song | Washed Clean —
    Scripture Inspiration: 2 Corinthians 4:4, Ephesians 1:17-18, Matthew 11:28-30, Romans 8:2, John 8:34-36, Psalm 51:2, Psalm 51:7, Jeremiah 33:8, 1 John 1:9, Titus 3:4-5, Proverbs 16:18, Proverbs 3:34, Ephesians 2:1-2, Acts 26:18-19

3He was despised and rejected by men, a Man of Sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. 5But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed.

  • Song | Man of Sorrows —
    Scripture Inspiration: cf. Isaiah 53 and John 1:11, 29; also Galatians 3:13, 21; 1 Peter 2:24; Mark 14:16-62; Matthew 26:39-44, 26:67-68, 27:26-30; John 3:16; Romans 5:6-10; Psalm 145:3; Revelation 4:11; Philippians 2:5-8; Matthew 20:28; Titus 2:13-14; Colossians 2:13-15; Romans 6:23; John 8:36; John 20:1-7; Matthew 28:1-20; 1 Corinthians 15:3-8
  • Song | Jesus Paid It All (O Praise the One) —
    Scripture Inspiration: Matthew 11:28-30, John 19:30, Colossians 2:13-14, 2 Corinthians 4:15, Hebrews 12:28-29, Isaiah 1:18, Jeremiah 13:23, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Ezekiel 11:19, Revelation 4:10-11, Romans 6:4, Revelation 5:9-10

8For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

  • Song | I Got Saved —
    Scripture Inspiration: Psalm 46:1-4, Zechariah 13:1, Isaiah 7:14, Matthew 1:23, Psalm 36:9, Isaiah 1:18, Isaiah 61:10, Matthew 26:28, Ephesians 2:4-5, 1 John 1:5-10, Psalm 103:12, Psalm 51:9, Psalm 32:5, Psalm 107:10-16, Nahum 1:13, Isaiah 6:5, James 2:13, Zechariah 7:9, Hebrews 9:5, 1 Peter 2:10, Psalm 25:7, Psalm 31:19, Psalm 85:4, Acts 3:21, Galatians 2:16-17, Romans 5:8-9, 1 Peter 2:1-3, Hebrews 6:5, Colossians 2:13-15, Psalm 25:11, Numbers 4:19, Romans 8:28-30, Philippians 3:20-21, Colossians 3:10-13
  • Invitation | What He’s Done —
    Scripture Inspiration: Matthew 7:33, Mark 15:22, Luke 23:33, John 19:7, Matthew 26:26, Colossians 1:19-20, 1 Peter 1:19, John 8:36, Isaiah 53, Psalm 147:3, John 3:16, John 15:13, Romans 8:5-8, 1 John 1:9-2:2, Acts 4:12, 1 Corinthians 15:21-22, Hebrews 2:14, Philippians 2:5-11, 1 Corinthians 15:50-57, Revelation 4:1-11, 1 John 5:4, Revelation 17:14, Revelation 5:12, Philippians 4:8
  • Offertory | Good, Good Father —
    Scripture Inspiration: John 5:25, Revelation 3:20, Matthew 25:23, Hebrews 13:5, 1 Chronicles 16:34, Psalm 119:68, Nahum 1:7, Psalm 68:5, Psalm 36:5-7, John 3:16, John 15:13, Romans 5:6-8, Ephesians 2:4-5, Colossians 2:6-8, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Psalm 139:4, Matthew 5:48, Romans 11:33, Ephesians 3:8, 1 John 4:7-11

“Adorned With Christ in All of Life: Marriage” — a Refresh & Restore Bible Study

17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.[1]

Colossians 3:17-19

Greetings Sojourners!

We are moving into the last leg of our journey through Colossians, and I am praying that, just as these Bible studies have been impacting my own life as I have studied, written, and taught, they will have an impact on your life as well. The impact on my own life has largely come from meditating on the question I asked you to consider in last week’s Bible study: what if all of what Paul told the Colossian church about setting our minds on Christ (Colossians 3:1-4), taking off sin (Colossians 3:5-11), and putting on Christ (Colossians 3:12-17) mattered for real life?

I told you that it is meant to affect every aspect of our lives. Now, we allow God’s Spirit through His Word to meddle in our lives – specifically today, in our marriages.

Before I begin in earnest, I want to clarify something: marriage is not for everyone (check out 1 Corinthians 7 as an example). The primary relationship concern for those who are in Christ is to the Lord. To use the language Paul used there, unmarried men and women are “anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord” and “be holy in body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:32, 34), but married men and women are “anxious about worldly things”, how to please their spouse (1 Corinthians 7:33-34). Marriage is a good thing that should “be held in honor among all” (Hebrews 13:4), but Paul’s word to the unmarried in 1 Corinthians 7:38 is that “he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better” in regard to devotion to Christ.

This does a lot to illustrate how whatever we do, “everything [is to be done] in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Colossians 3:17). For centuries and even to an extent today, the culture has placed a stigma on remaining unmarried – more harshly on women than on men. The standard is not whether or not we have achieved some level of earthly relationship but on whether or not we have a relationship with Christ, so much so that Paul’s second letter to the church at Corinth told them to “regard no one according to the flesh” because those who are “in Christ” are “a new creation” after being reconciled to God by grace through faith in Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:15-19).

So, if you are reading this and God has called you to, for either the time being or for life, singleness, rejoice in your calling, take what can be applied to your life and relationships and leave what cannot. Everything in Colossians 3:1-17 is to be applied for all believers in all of life. Furthermore, everything in Colossians 3:1-17 matters in the everyday lives of believers in all of life. It needs to be said as we are about to enter today’s Bible study that this is more than just knowledge – it is to be applied and learned. This means that for some – really most of us – there will be some repentance involved. John MacArthur summed it up well in his preface to the commentary on our passage today:

“Genuine Christianity consists of both doctrine and holy living. The New Testament reminds us in many places that an intellectual knowledge of our faith must be accompanied by a life that proves faith’s reality. And such a life can only be lived by vital contact with God in Christ. It is difficult to see how Christianity can have any positive effect on society if it cannot transform its own homes.”[2]

If God has really saved us, change will occur – not us changing for Him to save us but Him changing us. There is no way that Him moving sinners from dead in sin to alive in Him (Ephesians 2:1-5, 4:17-24) does not produce change – produce fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).

So, if you are reading this and are saved by grace through faith in Jesus alone and married, take heed as we see what God has for you. This Bible study will not be exhaustive, meaning that it cannot cover the scope of every aspect of marriage. The goal will be to take the specific teaching Paul gave to the Colossian church and supplement it from the longer teaching Paul gave the Ephesian church so that we have a picture of what it is like in real, everyday marriage to be a husband or wife adorned in Christ.

Wives, Submit to Your Husbands, as is Fitting in the Lord (v. 18)

That one sentence encompasses Paul’s message to the wives in the Colossian congregation, but we need to put in some work to understand how to apply these teachings in our real lives.

What This Does NOT Mean

Simply put: the Scriptural command for wives to “submit” to their husbands does not mean abuse. This is not a call to subservience. Those who have used this to demean or put down their wives or to control them have sinned, plain and simple. Paul told the church at Ephesus that marriage was a picture of the gospel, Christ being the husband and the Church being His bride (Ephesians 5:32), so a marriage that is characterized by a husband demeaning his wife and putting her in the position of servitude does not reflect the husband of the Church who “came not to be served but to serve, and to give His live as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).

This submission is not absolute or all-encompassing nor is it obedience. Obedience in the context of Colossians 3-4 is relegated to children and servants, not wives.[3] For a Christian wife, her obedience and submission is to Christ above her husband. If a husband’s desires deviate from God’s Word, the wife should not submit. It also does not mean that women are inferior. Both males and females are created in God’s “own image” (Genesis 1:27). The New Testament reiterates it and clarifies that in Christ, “there is no male and female” (Galatians 3:28). Now, this is not to say that there are not differences, but those differences do not make one better and the other inferior.

What Does Submit Mean, Then?

The word translated “submit” here means “to place in order”, specifically in the context “a willing personal subjection”.[4] Let us look at a few passages in the New Testament where this word is used to help us get a picture of what the Holy Spirit through Paul was talking about. The best place in the context would be Ephesians 5:21 where Paul tells the church at Ephesus (and thereby us today) that part of doing everything out of thanksgiving to and in the name of Jesus (Ephesians 5:20, Colossians 3:17) means that members of the church are supposed to be “submittingto one another out of reverence to Christ”. The submission for a wife to her husband is to be similar in nature to how members of the Church are to submit. This can be further illustrated in the life of Jesus. In Luke 2:51 after Mary and Joseph had lost Jesus and found Him teaching as a child in the temple, it came time for the family to return home to Nazareth, and Jesus was “submissive” to His parents. Jesus is God, but He submitted to His earthly parents when He “became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14). It can also be illustrated by the way Paul told the church at Rome that they were to be “subject” and therefore live in “subjection” to the authority of the government (Romans 13:1, 5). Obviously, their “citizenship…in heaven” (Philippians 3:20) trumped their Roman citizenry and the law of God superseded the laws of Rome, but in the instances where they did not, God called them to be submissive to the power He had allowed to be in authority.

Looking at that context and the definition, it is clear that Christian wives are to willingly subject themselves to the authority of their husbands. God designed the home and family to work a certain way and this submission is to God’s way as opposed to what the world presents as options. Women, knowing full well that they are equal to their husbands (if not surpassing them, as is the case with my wife), willfully submit themselves to God’s design, trusting that He knows best. The husband is to be the spiritual leader of the home with the wife backing him up. The wife is to help her husband to lead well, meaning that her strengths complement and strengthen his so that the family survives. You cannot have two sources of authority. Think about the tension that exists between Christians trying to be submissive to God but also the government. When government authority begins to outweigh God’s authority, one’s walk with Christ suffers. God’s authority wins out. When a wife leads or finds herself having to lead because of a sinful husband, the family suffers.

When Paul told the Colossian church that this submission of wife to husband was “fitting in the Lord”, he was acknowledging that God’s ways are best – that God, the Creator and inventor of human beings, knows His design and what works best (and what does not). So, Christian wives, I urge you to sit down with your husband and y’all strategize as to how to implement this in your homes. We joke in my house about how my wife, Candice, got sidetracked during our wedding when we were exchanging vows. Her father, who was officiating, asked her to repeat after him that she would submit to me, but Candice did not hear. Her response had everyone in the congregation rolling with laughter: “Wait. What did you say?” Yet, her patient submission and help are what makes me able to lead our family. She holds me accountable. She withdraws her submission when I try to lead in the wrong direction. She holds me to a higher standard than any human being on earth can or wants to, ensuring that I am the husband and father God calls me to be.

Husbands, Love Your Wives, and Do Not Be Harsh with Them (v. 19)

It should be noted here that there is a role for husbands and standards for them as well. In fact, the call for husbands in Ephesians 5 is substantially longer than the call to wives. Look at Ephesians 5:25-31:

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Whereas it seems as if the world places little to no expectation on the part of husbands other than to work and provide and allows men to be functional boys, only with more expensive toys, God has a higher calling for husbands than has been tolerated. He holds them to the standard of Christ for love, care, and leadership.

What This Does NOT Mean

First, this is not meant to belittle or demean men. There are times like Father’s Day when men who are seldom seen darkening the doors of a worship gathering show up only to be heavily rebuked, chastised, and told just how worthless they are and have been. This is meant, just as we did above with God’s call to wives, to show what it looks like for God’s call to impact the real lives and marriages of husbands who have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus.

Second, we need to revisit something we talked about above when we clarified what a wife’s submission is not. The authority of a husband is not absolute nor is he the master of his wife. Too often throughout history, men have tried to rule over their wives like tyrannical dictators, terrible fathers, or terrifying masters. This ain’t that. The example of husbanding is Jesus. Period. Before we get into what that looks like, if you are a saved husband and lording over your wife, trying to punish her for stepping out of your lines, or commanding them to serve or service you, you need to repent. There is no Christ in that. Paul rightly and plainly told the Colossian husbands not to be “harsh” with their wives. The word translated “harsh” here means “to be harsh, angry” with the connotation of making someone else “sharp” or to “embitter” them. Love does not create bitterness. Harshness has no part in love.

What Does it Mean for Husbands to Love Your Wives?

I think that the Ephesians 5 passage on husbands is especially helpful here as both Colossians 3:18 and Ephesians 5:22-24 are both brief in their calls to wives, the only difference being Ephesians 5 clarifies the comparison between wives and the Church. This is something that needs to be elaborated on because Scripture elaborates on it (and most worldly expectations for husbands have woefully fallen short of for centuries in many cultures). We will take Ephesians 5:25-31 sentence by sentence, and sometimes phrase by phrase to help us understand – and by understanding give opportunity for application and/or repentance for saved husbands.

  1. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her….”
    This love is special and sacrificial. It tells the Story of a King who left His throne and became a lowly peasant that He might redeem His beloved and rescue her from execution. What King would leave His throne to do such, and not only that but to take the place of His beloved in the execution? Husbands are to love their wives in such a way that their own life is of no account to them when it comes to caring for their wife. What is there that a godly husband would not give up for his bride? The answer should be nothing. This is romantic for sure, but more than that, it is a love that is known and demonstrated (John 3:16, Romans 5:8). It communicates counting the other more significant than one’s own self (Philippians 2:5).
  2. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church…that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word….”
    If a husband’s love were only wrapped up in being willing to die for his wife, it would be an unfortunate thing for sure. Jesus died for His bride but lives again (Revelation 1:18). That illustrates the nature of earthly husbandly love, too – to be characterized by living for his wife rather than willing to show that love in a one-time event. This is a love that sanctifies one’s wife, sets her apart and gives her to the Lord to be saved and cleansed (Ephesians 5:25-27). The love of a husband does not save, but a godly husband, as spiritual leader of his household, consistently and constantly points his family (beginning with his wife) to the Lord that they may find cleansing according to His Word. This means that the Word is present in the marriage relationship, not being the preacher and interpreter but the one who ensures his wife is thriving in her relationship with God as a fellow believer (Ephesians 5:20-21, Colossians 3:16-17).
  3. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church…so that He might present the Church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she may be holy and without blemish [or blameless]….”
    Building on the last point, this carries it to completion. Marriage vows rightly say, “till death do we part.” This verse longs to see one’s wife with Christ when death parts. This means consistently continuing in the spiritual leadership role of husband “so long as both shall live” (Ephesians 5:28-29). The wife is not a trophy of conquest possessing a mark of long-remembered beauty. No, she is to be set apart and rejoiced in, ensuring that God keep her not only on earth but all the way to heaven when she no longer be her earthly husband’s bride but part of the Bride of Christ forever with Him in heaven (Revelation 19:7-9). This is a love of safeguarding, protecting, and discipling for all the days of one’s marriage (1 Peter 3:7).
  4. “In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves Himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body.”
    In recent years with the rise of mental illness and the sad effects of the Fall on the human body (especially the mind), this might puzzle some (Romans 8:20-22). People (like the one writing this Bible study) have gone long years without caring for their body (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). People desire to end their lives. We recognize that mental illness exists and that depressing and thoroughly tragic circumstances exist. We should begin to recognize that believers who are husbands who do not love their wives as Christ loves the Church is an aberration as well. Christian husbands should notoriously be more loving and caring when it comes to their wives because Christ has been loving and caring to them (1 John 4:19). A wife is to be cherished and cared for as one’s own body should be cared for (Ephesians 5:28-29). There is no diet version of a godly marriage. There is either healthy or unhealthy (Matthew 7:17-18).
  5. “’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’”
    The marriage relationship is to trump all other earthly relationships. Rightly here, Paul puts the responsibility of the man to leave the home of his adolescence and take his wife to their own home. This relationship is marked by the “one flesh” union produced by physical intimacy. It is a direct quote back to Genesis 2:24 when God Himself performed the first marriage. This is a call for the 1st century church at Ephesus (and Colossae) to return to the design God had for marriage, and it is a call for the 21st century church to do the same (Ephesians 5:32-33, Colossians 3:18-19). Adam and Eve deviated from the plan when they traded God’s plan for their marriage and humankind when Eve ate of the fruit the Serpent offered and Adam stood by without intervening before eating of the fruit himself (Genesis 3:6). The church at Ephesus was marred by the worship of false gods by having relations with cult prostitutes (Acts 19:24-27). The church today must separate from the culture around us where marriage is no longer held in esteem (Hebrews 13:4). And it is the husband, led by the Spirit following the Word of the Lord, who is responsible for correcting the course rather than following the course of this world (Romans 12:2).

Wrapping Up

Ephesians 5:32 says: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.”

This.

Really.

Matters.

It cannot be faked (Romans 12:9). As I said above, there is no diet version of this – only original formula will do.

This is not a time of being shamed or chewed out for our inability to do marriage right (Romans 8:1). No, that is not what it means by referring marriage back to Jesus and His Bride. The Church can do nothing in her own strength but is made perfect in her weakness because Christ’s strength does and accomplishes everything (2 Corinthians 12:9)!

If you are a believer and a husband to a wife or wife to a husband, this is not a call to give up but a call to hit your knees with one another and seek the husband of the Church to grant repentance and grace in your marriage. This will not be an immediate relief or fix but the beginning of some difficult months or years that will lead to Jesus producing the marriage He gave us in His Word. There will be tears of pain and sorrow, but they can lead to tears of joy and celebration, ultimately to be wiped away in heaven when Jesus’s Bride finally makes it to Him.

It is my prayer for those who will read this to desire a godly marriage – not because of some bit of rule-following or obligation, but because it is worth it. As I have written this, I have found myself conferring increasingly with my bride and asking tough questions. These were not questions of how great I am or how good we have it. No, dear Sojourner, these have been questions of how and why she put up with me when I was a terrible husband – questions of how she could still love me despite laziness and foolishness – questions of how she exemplified Christ’s love when her husband did not. You see, I can testify first-hand that God can produce what He shows us of marriage in His Word. This is not to say that Candice and I have arrived because we have not. But we can testify that by the grace of God we survived my stupidity and have seen God move and work and change us over the past 8-9 years. We can testify of God’s grace in granting repentance and producing forgiveness. We can testify that God’s way works best and that the time and love put into changing is worth more than words can express.

May it be so for you and yours!

[1] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Col 3:17–19.

[2] John F. MacArthur Jr., Colossians, MacArthur New Testament Commentary (Chicago: Moody Press, 1992), 166.

[3] MacArthur, 168.

[4] Spiros Zodhiates, The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).