1 The words of Agur son of Jakeh. The oracle. The man declares, I am weary, O God; I am weary, O God, and worn out. 2 Surely I am too stupid to be a man. I have not the understanding of a man. 3 I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the Holy One. 4 Who has ascended to heaven and come down? Who has gathered the wind in His fists? Who has wrapped up the waters in a garment? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is His name, and what is His son’s name? Surely you know!
Proverbs 30:1-5
5 Every word of God proves true; He is a shield to those who take refuge in him.[1]
Greetings Sojourners,
What a joy it is to get to write to you today and share a bit of testimony with you. I must admit that I find myself joyful today – as joyful as I am tired, which, as you will see, is quite a lot.
Let me begin by saying, “GOD is good!” He is good because that’s who He is (Psalm 34:8, Psalm 100:5, James 1:17), and His goodness is not contingent on whether or not I feel like He’s been particularly good to me in a given moment; He’s good – all the time! These past few weeks have given me the opportunity to reflect and look at God’s goodness as well as His consistency and character and how I have seen Him work and move in my life, and as I’m not particularly special, I can say with confidence that He can and will work in your life as well.
The passage we open with is one that always tickles me as much as it humbles me. So, before we hit the musings I have prepared, let’s meditate on the Word to set us off.
Firstly, we don’t really know who Agur son of Jakeh is, to whom Proverbs 30 is attributed. But as neither he nor the Lord saw fit to tell us much about him, we will look instead to the Lord he introduces us to.
Secondly, it’s okay if the way Proverbs 30 begins makes you chuckle a bit. Lord willing, we will all grow up enough to be able to laugh at our own mistakes and ignorance. I’ve surely been weary, and I’ve definitely been “weary” and “worn out” because of my own stupidity. So, when Agur declares both his weariness and that he is surely “too stupid to be a man” and that he has “not the understanding of a man,” that is actually a good place to begin in wisdom. Sometimes people begin with their résumé, trying to prove why they are wise and why their wisdom should be heeded. Agur’s résumé is that he learned wisdom the hard way – through lessons bought rather than merely taught.
If you don’t think Proverbs 30 is particularly humorous, I would wager that you might be a young or thick-headed man or a woman who is having to deal with one or the other. I’m kidding – mostly. What I want you to see here is the basis for what comes next, namely, the way Agur’s words in the Old Testament point us to Christ.
He admits his ignorance and the weariness that comes from it. And he does so in order to show that what he knows of God, “the Holy One”, does not come from himself but that it has been revealed to him by God Himself. That’s an important distinction, and that leads us to our third point from Proverbs 30: God reveals Himself to man through His Word (Psalm 19:7-11, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Hebrews 1:1-2).
Look at the series of rhetorical questions that Agur asks and see how they build on the magnificent power of God, the mighty Creator who has graciously made Himself known to lowly folks like me and you and Agur. The beauty to me is how each of these rhetorical questions can, and ultimately should, be answered with a clear “the Lord JESUS”.
- Who has ascended to heaven and come down? The Lord Jesus. Jesus Himself told Nicodemus in John 3:13 that “No one has ascended into heaven except He who descended from heaven, the Son of Man”, and He gave that information as part of the invitation to see Him lifted up, “that whoever believes in Him may have eternal life” (John 3:15).
- Who has gathered the wind in His fists? The Lord Jesus – God Himself – is the only One with such power. The very same God who can measure “the waters in the hollow of His hand” (Isaiah 40:12) is He who “was pierced for our transgressions” (Isaiah 53:5).
- Who has wrapped up the waters in a garment? Who has established all the ends of the earth? The Lord Jesus – the God who invented water – is the only one who can make it do what He commands (John 1:1-3, Colossians 1:15-17, Hebrews 1:3). This is seen in Job’s reply to Bildad when he speaks of the might of God, who binds up the waters in His clouds and controls the boundaries of sea and sky (Job 26:8).
- What is His name, and what is His son’s name? Surely you know! JESUS!
His name is Jesus, and that’s the beauty of making Himself known to us and offering salvation to all who trust in Him. It’s seen clearly in Proverbs 30:5: “Every word of God proves true; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him.” Every promise He makes is kept. Every prophecy He gives is fulfilled. He is who the Bible says He is, and we can trust Him, take refuge in Him, and know full well that He will take care of His own (John 10:27-30, Romans 8:38-39, 1 Peter 5:6-7).
That’s why Agur’s words are such a fitting place for me to begin. Weariness has a way of exposing how little we understand, but the Word of God lifts our eyes from our limits to the Lord who makes Himself known. That’s exactly what I’ve needed this past year: for the Word of God to lift my eyes from what I couldn’t understand to the God who has made Himself known and proved Himself faithful.
Ultimately, that’s what I want to talk about today – a testimony of the trustworthy God, not because my experiences prove Him trustworthy, but because He has told us who He is in His Word. What I share today does not add to the Word, but it does my heart good to look back and be able to say, “Look! Here is where Jesus shielded me! Here is where He proved Himself to be true and loved me!” If you don’t listen to a single word past here, you’ve lost nothing because His Word in Proverbs 30:1-5 is more than sufficient to point you to Him. What comes next is likely more for me than you anyway.
To segue into these musings, I’m going to, as my father-in-law says from time to time, “put a little English on it”. What I mean is that I want to set out with a clear thesis to keep me on track and, hopefully, help me muse more than ramble as I share about how God has cared for me over this past year (and ultimately over the course of my life).
This past year has reminded me that God is good when I am weak, marriage is deeper than romance, His mission is bigger than my strength, the church is a gift, and hope in Jesus does not fail – even while I am still learning how to walk forward (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Ephesians 5:31-32, Matthew 28:18-20, Ephesians 4:11-16, Romans 5:1-5).
So, let me begin where the Lord has so often shown me His goodness most clearly: my marriage.
Musing on Marriage
This may sound weird coming from a man, but I like romance. I enjoyed – and still do enjoy – pursuing and wooing Candice like I did when we were dating. I liked learning about her while we were dating and found it kind of exciting to get to chase after the woman whom I thought then was the most magnificent person I’d ever met. After 22+ years of pursuing her, I have found that she is indeed more than my 19-year-old brain could have fathomed at the time.
Over the years, the pursuit waned as, well, I got lazy and convinced myself that once I had married her, I had caught her. That’s true in a sense, but a lasting marriage doesn’t quite work like that. We were grown when we started out, true. But we’ve been growing and changing, individually and together. Sometimes these changes are for the better; other times, well, let’s just say they are changes.
Thankfully, God has let me realize, like Agur, that I’m too stupid to be a man. The wisdom I have doesn’t come from some sage source of me just being smart; it comes from the Lord being gracious enough to let me outlive my ignorance. I joke often when I preach or teach and marriage comes up that Candice had a stupid and lazy husband the first ten years she was married, and she has had a better husband for the second ten years – and she’s had the same husband the whole time. God convicted me of my ignorance and has allowed me to see the error of my ways, with Candice loving me enough to hold me accountable to the man she knew I was supposed to be. She paused long enough for me to catch up, and the pursuit is on. Lord willing, it will continue until death parts us.
This time last year, Candice had her hands full. She had been waiting on me hand and foot for about a week before I ever made it to the hospital last June. It was scary for me to find myself unable to walk or even feed myself, but it was probably scarier for her as every added thing she took on to do for me that I couldn’t do for myself likely looked like something she’d have to do for the long haul. The first post that I wrote on the subject, “Reflections on the Goodness of God from My Hospital Bed”, was actually our first collaboration – Candice typing and me looking over her shoulder to try and say what we were writing. I felt humiliated and emasculated at the time, but looking back, it was such a beautiful picture of the love Christ has for His bride, the Church, in that He is strong where we are weak and cares for His own selflessly because He loves her (Ephesians 5:25-32, 1 John 3:16-18).
Once I finally got home, I thought everything would magically fall back into the way things were, but that’s not how life works. Sometimes the way things were is simply in the past. I still needed help, and she was adamant that I would take the help whether I was smart enough to realize it or not. This is honestly the first time that I’ve thought about it, but as tired and scared as she was, I can’t remember a time when she complained about it. The strength I needed, she had, and that added strength came from the Lord – given to my wife, my helper, to love me and help me when I could not help myself (Genesis 2:18, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
Rather than focus solely on the past, I think it’s helpful for us to move forward to more recent times. Yes, there were new firsts – walking hand in hand without me needing to be guided, dancing without me having to hold on to her for support. Little by little, all those firsts became regular. The most recent memorable moment to muse on was actually a second rather than a first, though.
We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on June 17. We already knew it wasn’t going to be our typical “go somewhere to eat and do date-stuff” kind of anniversary in Oxford or Jackson or Memphis. For our 10th anniversary, we flew out to Colorado, and it just wasn’t going to work out to do something like that this year. We snuck in some time while I worked in Jackson for a week, and we were planning on getting in a date when we went to Hattiesburg to see Keri at the end of drum major camp. But, as far as the actual anniversary went, it was going to be us and Xander – not because we couldn’t get someone to watch him but because I’d been away for a week and we were glad to spend that time with him.
The morning of our anniversary, I had an appointment and Candice had summer school. We had planned on the three of us going out to eat for lunch and then going to church later that evening since it was Wednesday. I had quite a surprise when I picked them up for lunch. For weeks, Candice had been secretly working on her wedding dress, and she was wearing it – the very same wedding dress from 20 years earlier – when I picked them up. One of my core memories is seeing her in that dress when the doors opened during our wedding, and I was transported back there. Rather than being trapped in the past, though, I was transfixed by the timeline in between – the tears, the laughter, the pain, the pleasure, the kids, the houses, the jobs, the life. Most surprisingly, she was worried I’d be embarrassed. Never. She’s my bride. We went to eat and then to the church for an impromptu vow renewal – no pomp or party, but a genuine renewal of the covenant we had made with each other. The difference was that we know now what we didn’t know then, and we still responded with “I do” – (special thanks to John and Sara Goldwater, Michael Curry, Sammy Carollo, and my best man and wingman, Xander, for helping us make that happen).
I understand more of Ephesians 5:32 than I did at 19 years old: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” I understand the love Jesus has for His bride more because I’ve begun learning what it is to live for your bride rather than merely being willing to die for her. Candice’s care for me showed me love received, and this season has pressed me to consider more deeply what Christ-like love requires of me as her husband. I know what it is to be willing and eager to hold fast to your wife. And, in my weakness, I have also learned more of what it is to be the church: loved, served, held, and helped by Christ when I cannot help myself. I’ve learned the depths of love that I couldn’t know without relationship with Christ and without relationship with Candice.
I’ve found a good and excellent wife and obtained favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22, 31:10-12). I rejoice in the wife of my youth more today than I did 20 years ago (Proverbs 5:18-19). And I understand love more deeply than I ever could from romance alone because what the Lord can build and show in relationship is deeper than what we can manufacture on our own.
Marriage is deeper than romance, but that does not make romance less beautiful. It gives romance roots. It turns affection into faithfulness. It turns vows into a life. And, by the grace of God, it lets a husband look at his wife after twenty years and say with assurance, “The Lord has been good to me.”
And just as the Lord used marriage to remind me that love is deeper than romance, He used missions to remind me His work is bigger than my strength.
Musing on Missions
One of the things that bothered me the most about having to go into the hospital last summer is that I was missing a mission trip with our Christ Community youth to go to New Mexico and help a church with their VBS. When the swelling first started in my feet and joints, I was convinced that I would go to the doctor, get some medicine, and essentially walk it off in time for the mission trip. Actually, that’s the only thing that convinced me to go to the doctor in the first place, as I had a little over a week from the onset of symptoms to when we would leave on the trip. Needless to say, once I got admitted into the hospital, I was starting to think I wasn’t going to get to go – as I said, I’m too stupid to be a man, or in this case, just stupid enough.
The plan had been for the four of us to go, but no amount of convincing was going to make Candice go. She was determined to stay with me. So, we sent Keri with our church family to go farther away than she’d ever been from us. We watched Life360 doggedly – not because we didn’t trust the chaperones, whom we know love her as if she were their own, but because we simply weren’t there (although the amount of pictures Shonna and Sara sent of Keri made us feel like we were). Even those pictures were part of God’s gift of the church to us. We could send our daughter farther away than she’d ever been because we knew she wasn’t going alone. She was with family – not by our blood, but by the blood of Jesus (Mark 3:34-35, Ephesians 2:19, 1 John 3:14-18). Shonna and Sara sharing pictures with us did more than help us feel included; it reminded us that the Lord has given our kiddos spiritual aunts, uncles, brothers, and sisters who love them because they love Him.
The first night they called during their worship time slayed me. Sara Goldwater FaceTimed, and I got to see all of my church kiddos and Keri one by one, and they had picked songs to sing that night for worship that they thought would minister to me. They were right. “Battle Belongs” reminded me that God is my fortress and mighty to save; “Firm Foundation (He Won’t)” reminded me that Jesus is my rock and foundation who will never fail; and “Because He Lives” reminded me who holds the future. I wept as I worshiped.
That night was one of the clearest reminders I’ve ever had that the church is a gift. I already knew that doctrinally. I had preached and taught that the church is the body of Christ, the family of God, brothers and sisters joined together in Jesus. But that night, it was clear. I wasn’t in the room (or even the same state) with them. I wasn’t useful to them in any way. I wasn’t leading or serving them. I was a thousand miles away in a hospital bed, weak and weeping, and the Lord used His people to carry me. Their voices became a mercy to me. Their love became a reminder that Candice and I weren’t alone. Jesus was with us, and one of the ways He made that plain was through His church (Galatians 6:2, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24-25). But as grateful as I was for that gift, I was still hurting.
The next night I was in my feelings – which honestly was understandable – and I asked to talk to John after their worship time. I laid out my struggles, and he gave me some tough, pastoral love by telling me that while I wasn’t on the mission I had planned to be on, I was still on mission. He also told me I needed to ask God to help me figure out how to join in with His mission where I was.
Praying with nurses and phlebotomists, preaching Sunday worship in the cafeteria of the rehab, and looking for ways to minister from a walker or wheelchair was definitely not the mission I had signed up for, but it was where God had me – and where He hadn’t sent anyone but me.
That was last summer’s mission field. This summer, by God’s grace, the mission field looked very different.
The past eight days have been spent with some of our Christ Community kiddos and adults on mission in South Dakota. And this year, by God’s grace, I got to go. We drove over 1,200 miles there over two days. We partnered with Redemption Church in Piedmont, South Dakota to do VBS/backyard Bible club in the mornings and soccer camp in the afternoons at a park near the church. It was beautiful to get to see our people serve the Lord.
Now, don’t get the illusion that I’m about to say that I was some vital part of this; I wasn’t. This past year has shown me clearly that I am not necessary for ministry or missions to happen; Jesus is. He equips those He sends for the mission they have. When I started in pastoral work at Christ Community, one of my goals was for me not to be in a position to be indispensable. I didn’t want there to be anything that couldn’t be done if I were to fall off the end of the earth. Well, for all intents and purposes, I might as well have last summer. No area where God has called me to serve at CCC went without. People stepped up and did the work by God’s grace and power. Just as the mission trip went on without me, so did our weekly worship gatherings, and what a beautiful thing to behold because Jesus is better than anything I’ve got to offer. That’s part of why the church is such a gift: the work doesn’t rise and fall on any one person, because Jesus Himself is the Head, and He gives gifts to His people for the building up of the body (1 Corinthians 12:4-7, 12-27; Ephesians 1:22-23, 4:11-16).
I even got to see a beautiful picture of love in the midst of the mission. I got to be the one to do the Bible teaching at the backyard Bible club, and during the second day, a chicken showed up. Now, that might not seem like a big deal to you, but let me tell you, it’s hard to be more interesting to kids than a chicken randomly walking up in the middle of town. The third day was the gospel emphasis where we wanted to make sure we were very clear with the kiddos about who Jesus is, what He has done, and how to be saved. I had semi-jokingly told the other adults that, if that chicken showed back up, I was going to take the kiddos over to a shade tree and teach the lesson Sermon-on-the-Mount-style and that I didn’t care which one of them got rid of it, but that they were to relocate it somehow if it showed back up.
And show up it did!
I led the children over to the tree, and my bride took a poster we had made for soccer camp with the Lord’s Prayer written on it and fought that chicken back the whole time I was teaching God’s Word to the kiddos. If you had told me 20 years ago that part of God’s mission or my wife’s love for me or for the Lord would involve beating a chicken back with the Lord’s Prayer, I would’ve lacked the scope or imagination to understand. But now I know!
One of the evenings of the mission trip, this became real to me in a powerful way. I got to come home from the hospital on June 25, 2025, after having been in there 18 days and 19 hours. Candice videoed me going from the car into the house that day, legs emaciated and wobbly with her afraid I was going to topple over and me afraid I wouldn’t make it up the steps and in the door. On June 25, 2026, I was walking up and down a trail in the shadow of Mt. Rushmore, tears filling my eyes at the goodness of God and a testimony of what He can do (“Hope in Jesus Does Not Put Us to Shame”).
That’s getting at the heart of missions anyway. It’s not about having the strongest people in the right places; it’s about a strong Savior sending weak people to tell other weak people where life, forgiveness, hope, and rescue can be found (Matthew 28:18-20, Acts 1:8, 2 Corinthians 5:18-20).
No, I’m not necessary for any bit of God’s mission to be carried out. He is essential, and I’m an accessory. But praise be to God, He lets me participate. He doesn’t need me, but He wants me. And if He can use me in a hospital bed, a rehab cafeteria, a backyard Bible club, a soccer field, or even under a shade tree while my wife battles poultry with the Lord’s Prayer, then surely He can use whatever weakness, circumstance, or opportunity He places in front of any of us to point people to Jesus!
And that brings me to the thread running underneath all of these musings: my walk with Christ. Marriage and missions have both reminded me that Jesus is faithful, and this past year has helped me see anew that He has never left me, never forsaken me, and never wasted a step.
Wrapping Up by Musing on My Walk with Christ
When I was a kid, there were certain things that were always around my great-grandmother Grandma Simmons’s house. One of them was the “Footprints in the Sand” poem, which hung in several places. I’m not going to quote it here, but you probably know the gist. A person looks back over the course of their life and sees footprints in the sand. Sometimes there are two sets. Other times, there is only one set. When looking back, they cry out to God feeling as if those times with one set of footprints were Him abandoning them, but they find out that the Lord had never left them – those were the times He was carrying them.
I think about that poem differently the older I get. Part of that is because I remember Grandma Simmons’s testimony. She had lived long enough, struggled enough, prayed enough, and seen enough of the Lord’s kindness to consistently counsel her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren that God had sustained her, cared for her, and taken care of her all the days of her life.
Looking back over the past year – and the thirty-nine years before that – I can say the same (“God Hears, God Sees, & God Knows”).
I don’t care if the footprints were side-by-side, if there was only one set because He was carrying me, or if, as John Goldwater says, there were drag marks where the Lord just took me and put me where He would have me. I am thankful that I can look back and see His footprints throughout my life. I am thankful that He cares for me. I am thankful that He has a plan for my life. And I am thankful that one day, when this life is over, the same feet I have followed will be the feet where I bow in worship (Deuteronomy 31:8, Psalm 37:23-24, Hebrews 13:5, Revelation 5:9-14).
That’s where I find myself right now in my walk with Christ. I’m trying to make sure I’m where He would have me to be, doing what He would have me to do, and pursuing Him above everything else – or at least striving to pursue Him above all else (“Thankful: Learning to Number Our Days”).
Back in 2015, I burned out and quit ministry because I let my identity get wrapped up in what I did – in being “Pastor Keith”. I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to confuse calling with identity. I don’t want to confuse serving Jesus with being seen serving Jesus. I don’t want to wrap my identity up in ministry, writing, preaching, teaching, leading worship, or any other good thing Jesus lets me do.
My identity must be wrapped up in Jesus (Galatians 2:20, Colossians 3:1-4, Philippians 3:8-10).
Now, that does not make those callings unimportant. God has clearly called me to be a husband, father, brother, uncle, son, teacher, pastor, worship leader, and writer. I want to be faithful in all of those things. I want to be the husband God has called me to be for Candice and the daddy Keri and Xander need. I want to be a pastor among the flock God has called me to serve. I want to disciple well. I want to work at my job in a way that honors Him. I want to write and teach and sing and serve in ways that point people consistently to Jesus.
But I want to pursue Jesus while being those things, not pursue those things in place of Jesus (Matthew 6:33; John 15:4-5; Colossians 3:17, 23-24).
There’s a quote often attributed to William Carey that hits me hard: “I’m not afraid of failure; I’m afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.” I don’t want to build a busy life, or even a visibly fruitful ministry life, only to realize that I succeeded at things Jesus wasn’t calling me to chase. I don’t want to succeed at the wrong things. I don’t want to gain attention and lose faithfulness. I don’t want to be impressive; I want to be faithful to my Lord.
So, I find myself at a crossroads of sorts. Is God calling me somewhere else? Is He calling me to dig in where I am? I don’t know. And, honestly, it’s okay that I don’t know yet.
I know Him.
I know His Word is true. I know He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him.
I know He is good when I am weak. I know marriage is deeper than romance. I know His mission is bigger than my strength.
I know the church is a gift — not a building, not a program, not a place for religious spectators, but a blood-bought family where burdens are borne, prayers are lifted, children are loved, the gospel is preached, and weak saints are carried by God’s grace (“Light Momentary Afflictions, Eternal Weight of Glory”).
I know hope in Jesus doesn’t fail, even while I’m still learning to walk forward.
Right now, I’m leaning into Him. I’m digging into His Word, not merely to study to preach or teach, but to spend time with Him. I’m seeking His strength to be faithful in the life He has given me, even while I’m still learning what that looks like.
And because this is not merely my story, maybe that is the challenge for you, too, dear Sojourner.
Are you pursuing Christ, or only the life you hope He will bless? Are you seeking His Kingdom, or asking Him to strengthen your own? Are you resting in your identity in Jesus, or trying to build one out of your roles, productivity, ministry, family, reputation, or success?
Are you where He would have you to be? Are you doing what He would have you to do?
And if you don’t know the answers to these questions, are you leaning into Him while you wait (Psalm 27:14, Proverbs 3:5-6, Isaiah 40:31, James 1:5)?
I don’t know what the next year holds. A year ago, I couldn’t have imagined much of what this year would bring. But I know the One who holds it. I know His name. I know His Son’s name. Surely you know….
His name is Jesus!
He has carried me, corrected me, humbled me, strengthened me, and loved me. He has shown me His goodness in hospital rooms, in my marriage, through His church, carrying out His mission, in weakness, in recovery, and in all the steps in between. And if He has taught me anything through this past year, it is this: He is worthy, He is faithful, and He is enough.
Lord, may my life be in pursuit of You.
[1] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2025), Pr 30:1–5.
Just Keith Harris 